Page 74 of Asystole

He nods. “You might be kind of close,” he says, breathing hard as his eyes dip to my lips.

I want to kiss him so fucking badly. My balls are aching for it, and if my dick were any harder, it’d punch a hole right through him. But I summon every ounce of self-restraint I have and slide off his lap instead.

“What the fuck?” he says as I plop back down in the recliner and slip my shirt and hoodie back on.

“That’s what it feels like for me every time you want to platonically shove your ass against my dick while we watch a movie. I like you, Chase. I’m obviously attracted to you. But buying a place together is a really big fucking deal. I have no qualms about kissing you, but you went into a total tailspin of guilt because of Kendra, which I totally get, but how do you expect me to live with you when your brain is telling you that you’re straight, your mouth is telling her you love her, and your eyes are telling me to fuck you?”

Chapter 28

Chase

While Logan was on my lap, the whole world ceased to exist, and all I wanted was everything he was whispering in my ear.

He’s right.

About all of it.

Obviously, I hadn’t committed to pursuing anything with Logan—or any guy—but now that he’s taking the possibility off the table, I feel empty.

Which is insane.

“Can we just…slow down, or back up, or pause, or something?” I ask, suddenly needing to stand and pace to dispel the energy coursing through me.

“We can do whatever you want as long as you don’t clam up and avoid me for weeks again,” Logan says, earning a glare from me.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” I argue, even though I absolutely was. “We were both busy as fuck. And okay, I was trying to deal with my guilt. So, sue me,” I snap.

I’m totally frustrated because I wasn’t expecting to be called out. I’m also frustrated because everything he said was accurate, and I don’t know what to do about it. I just wanted to show him the townhouse I found. I wasn’t aware that an entire existential crisis was coming along with it.

“Is that all you were trying to deal with?” he asks, even though he damn well knows it wasn’t just about the guilt.

No.

“Why don’t you tell me, since you can read my every thought so easily?” I bite.

“Okay,” he says with a shrug, despite the comment being rhetorical. “You were dealing with the fact that you are attracted to me and that you liked that kiss, and while you’re okay making Hanlon comfortable with his sexuality, you haven’t come to terms with your own.”

I freeze.

“You think I’m gay?”

Logan shrugs.

“I think there are a lot of options, but since you’ve been dating a chick for the last several years, I’m probably gonna say gay is off the table, but bi, demi, or pan might fit.”

“Glad you think this is funny,” I spit.

“I never said that,” he argues, taking another sip of coffee.

Finally, I sit back down with my face in my hands.

“How the fuck did I get here?” I ask.

Realizing my mental state is far more fragile in this moment than he was anticipating, Logan climbs back out of the recliner and sits next to me, our thighs touching as he drapes an arm across my shoulder like I’ve done to him many times.

“People change, Chase. They evolve. You and Kendra have grown apart; meanwhile, Hanlon and Stone are getting married. Some part of you was probably searching for what comes next for you, and we happened to reconnect in the middle of all of that. It’s a natural progression,” he says calmly.

Sometimes those on the outside have a much better perspective than those of us in the middle of things.