Page 47 of If Cain Were Able

“To you?” the man fires back without missing a beat.

Seething, I answer, “No. I was the idiot who pushed him away. But he’s married to a very nice man who takes care of him and who loves him very much.”

“He’s right,” Taylor says to the guy as he opens the can of Sprite, handing it to him. “But I’m still flattered you asked. Thank you.”

We’re only thirty minutes into the flight, and my body and mind are both restless. When Tay gets to our row, he places napkins on all our trays, and Liam snorts, looking at Damon.

“Thank God you don’t get hit on like that, because otherwise, I’d punch a lot of shit.”

Taylor smiles.

“You think anyone’s going to hit on him when his face literally says ‘fuck off’ ninety-nine percent of the time?”

Liam’s grin grows wider, and Damon groans.

“Li, shut up,” my son-in-law says in a clear warning.

But of course, Liam does not.

“That face doesn’t say ‘fuck off’, Tay. It says, ‘fuck me’.”

Taylor lets out a bark of laughter.

“Only you would interpret that scowl like that, Liam. What can I get y’all to drink?”

Once we’ve all answered, Taylor turns to tend to the row next to us, and without thinking this through, I grab his hand, causing his head to whip toward me, eyes locked where I’m squeezing.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” I whisper.

He can’t hear me over the roar of the engine, though, so he squats down next to my seat.

“What was that?” he asks, a mere ten inches from my face.

“I said I’m so fucking sorry, Taylor. The friend I’m going to see…he…” How do I explain this? “He’s a big part of the reason that I was the way I was with you. I’ve learned the hard way that the saying is true: people who’ve been hurt hurt other people. And you were my ‘other people’.” I’m starting to ramble, but he needs to hear this, and I need to say it. “You never deserved what I did to you. Any of you,” I add, grabbing Liam’s hand and making eye contact with Damon to make sure everyone is listening. “Cain and I were fire and gasoline…worse, probably. We were toxic and young, and chose a path that was pretty dangerous at the time. But there are people who mark you forever, and I still carry his scars.” Turning my attention back to Taylor, I reveal the thing that scares me the most. “When I came to the hospital to see you,” I swallow hard, fighting tears, “you were lying in that bed, and I knew it was my fault. Perhaps this is my penance. Maybe the fact that Cain is fighting for his life is my fault, too.”

“Patrick, you’re being too hard on yourself,” Taylor says, finally causing me to choke on a sob. “What happened to Cain is a terrible act of violence. What happened between you and me was a misguided act of love. Not only have I forgiven you, but I’ve found my happily ever after, and I probably wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for you. So, give yourself some grace. I hope Cain pulls through and you guys are able to make it work.”

I twist in my seat to cup his face and run my thumb along his cheekbone.

“Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most.”

He places his hand over mine, and it feels like closure.

Finally.

Damon and Liam take care of getting the rental car while I check in with the hospital for an update.

Cain is still in surgery.

We’re going on four hours which can’t mean anything good, but I push that thought away.

He’s going to be okay.

He has to be okay.

The boys drop me off a block from the hospital. It’s the closest they can get with all the police barricades.

In all my concern for Cain, I hadn’t even stopped to consider the chaos this place must be in after an active shooting. People are on vents in the ICU, women are giving birth; it’s not like they can just move everyone out because of the threat.