Page 71 of Your Pace Or Mine

“You and I spent so much time together,” Laurel continues, leaning back on the couch cushion. “Now our girls’ dinners and after-work drinks need more planning. Sometimes I miss the spontaneity we had before. I never wanted you to feel like I don’t need you or to make everything about me. You can always come here if you need me.”

“I know,” I say, and I mean it. “I’ll figure out my issues and we can talk about what works for us now that things have changed. Stevie told me I was pulling away for no reason and I should talk to you, but I didn’t listen.”

“You see!” Laurel replies triumphantly. “Stevie’s got a whole family with kids, and she still makes time for us and our ridiculous love drama.”

I scoff. “She doesn’t make time for it. She thrives on it. If I ever settle down, she’ll need to make new friends to keep her entertained. We should probably call her tonight or she’ll kill us before she puts a hit on Sebastian.”

We both laugh, and Laurel gets up from the couch. “If there was a time for an emergency bottle of wine, it is now,” she says archly. “The pizza will be here soon. Stay for dinner. Sleep on the couch if you want.”

I’m not going to sleep over, but even knowing it’s an option feels like a warm hug. I’ve spent so much time here over the years, eating junk food and watching Hallmark movies while the world was heavy. And even though it’s Cal and Laurel’s home now, it’s nice to feel like there’s still room for me here. She comes back with a bottle of red and two glasses.

“What about Cal?” I ask with a laugh. “Doesn’t he get a glass?”

“He can get one himself. He’s got legs and hands. You know, he’s very good with his hands. The other day … Well, I shouldn’t go there.”

I shake my head, but I’m laughing. I guess we’re back to normal if she’s dropping that into the conversation. “Don’t let him hear you or he’ll blush.”

“Why am I going to blush?” Cal’s voice calls out from the bedroom doorway. “Wait, I probably don’t want to know.”

“You definitely don’t.” Laurel winks at me. “Is the pizza here?”

“I’m going down to get it now.”

He leans over and kisses the top of her head in a gesture that makes my heart ache for Sebastian, for what we’re both missing out on because he’s an idiot who can’t figure out his own heart. I don’t believe for a minute that he doesn’t care or that his feelings are platonic. I heard him that night. I’ve seen how he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. The saddest thing isn’t losing out on the chance to be together, but that he’s missing out on so much because he’s too stubborn to get past his fear of relationships.

Despite the way this night started, it ends up being a nice evening. We eat pizza, watch old sitcoms, and laugh a lot. I sometimes forget that Cal isn’t just my best friend’s partner, but also my friend. I love the quiet way he shows up not only for her, but for me as well. At one point, Laurel and I facetime Stevie. She’s appropriately empathetic, appalled, and enraged in turn, threatening to rope poor Andy into a road trip that may or may not involve castration and a shovel.

Later, Cal insists on driving me home and Laurel comes along for the short ride, getting out of the Jeep to pull me into a tight hug at my building door.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You can still come back and crash with us.”

“Laurel, I’m fine. I’ve weathered worse.”

She looks skeptical as she releases me. “Text me if you need help burying a body. For real.”

Cal shakes his head but says, “Any time, Ashley.”

“Thanks, you guys. You’re the best.” I squeeze her hand. “I think I’ll take a few days and go home to Waterloo. I need a change of scenery, but I’ll be in touch.”

I’m crying again as I head up the elevator, but I’m also feeling so lucky that other kinds of love exist in the world. I call my mom to tell her I’ll be coming tomorrow and type out another Fuck you, Sebastian text before I go to bed—I manage to be mature enough not to send it. As I close my eyes, I wish I could tell him how much of life he’s missing out on.

Email from Ashley Davis to Sebastian Rossi and Seth McKendrick:

Dear all,

Thank you for the opportunity to work with Single In The Six for the past several months. I have enjoyed our collaboration. At present, due to personal circumstances, I am taking a hiatus from social media posting for an indeterminate time. As per our contract, I will inform you if/when I am able to resume posting. Thank you for your understanding.

Ashley Davis / Miss Midtown

Miss Midtown Reel (with transcript)

Miss Midtown appears in her wig and sunglasses but with no pink lipstick, wearing a Fall Out Boy T-shirt. The song “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs” plays in the background.

“Hi everyone, Miss Midtown here.

“I hope you’re all well. I’m posting a short reel to let you know that this account is taking a hiatus for a while. I’ve tried to be open on here about my love life; some of you maybe thought I was a little too open, but that’s social media for you. [chuckles] However, I’m treading carefully here because this situation involves someone who is close to me, or I guess I should say who was close to me.

“You see, I put my heart out and told this person I had feelings for him, feelings I thought were mutual, but I was mistaken. So now I’ve lost both a friend and someone I thought was more than a friend.