Page 36 of Alec

From the bed the three of them spun into a blur of white, which then changed into the passage just outside the laird’s chamber. Kelso had just left her, and she had been walking down the passage, which she did again now with Ben and Ulf. She recalled how dazed she had been, and then once more stepped on something.

“There.” She lifted her foot and pointed at the small chunk of ice under her slipper. “’Tis the hailstone that turned me to ice.”

Ben crouched down, but before he could pick it up the hunter grabbed his wrist to stop him. He frowned up at him. This isn’t real. It’s a memory.

We dinnae ken how powerful an enchantment ’tis. Mayhap the magic may affect the living even through dreams. Ulf regarded her. Lass, did the thing come into you somehow?

His question made her shudder.

“No, it crawled onto my ankle.” She glanced down to see it doing the same thing again. “’Tisnae a hailstone. ’Tis a golach.”

Olivia finished packing up her things, and folded the dress she was making out of the red-dyed fabric. Her decision to share Alec’s quarters again seemed a little ridiculous now that she’d had time to brood over it. No doubt the maids would spread the word and make a lot of snide remarks behind her back. If she had ever gone to high school, she imagined it would be just like this.

I don’t care. He needs me.

It had been an impulsive decision. Whenever she was around Alec, she grew so befuddled she couldn’t really think straight. He really knew how to manipulate her—or maybe it was being fussed over by such a handsome guy. As a result, she’d now be spending her nights with him as his personal security blanket, apparently. Of course, she didn’t want him to pace the halls every night worrying about her, but was that the real reason behind his insistence that she stay in his room? Why couldn’t she believe what he’d told her?

He’s hiding something. I know that, but I don’t know what, or why.

The other front of her silent war was this endless battle she was fighting against herself. She had this new, beautiful body that for the first time in her life made her like other women. She wanted Alec to become her lover, and he wanted her, too. Yet on the other side of the battlefield loomed Mae’s specter like some gaunt, black grim reaper, ready to steal away all her hope of happiness. She had these terrible urges to lock herself away from Alec, so she would be safer. At least she knew how to cope with being alone.

It doesn’t matter that Mae is gone. She trained me to hate myself.

Olivia went over to the wash stand, where she splashed her hot face with water. She would go and move into Alec’s room, and she would sleep with him tonight. If he wanted to make love, she’d do that, too. She wanted him and there was nothing wrong with having sex. Neither of them were married to or involved with others. Because he was half-Fae he couldn’t get her pregnant. It was one hundred percent okay, as her therapist would say.

If I disappoint him, and we aren’t a good match for each other, then I’ll deal with that, too.

The clan’s beautiful chatelaine, Inga, came in just as she tied up the bundle of her clothing. For a moment she looked upset, but then she gave her one of her lovely, serene smiles.

“I’d hoped you could be my roommate a little longer,” she said. “I’ll have to ask one of the kitchen maids to join me. Has Lady Ava arranged private quarters for you?”

“No, she hasn’t.” Slowly she put down the bundle and perched on the edge of the bed. “Alec asked me to move back in with him.” Because she couldn’t help herself, she added, “I was just arguing with myself over saying that I would, without really thinking about it.”

“He’s quite intimidating when he wants to be.” The blonde woman came over and sat down beside her. “You can always change your mind, too. The laird has made it very clear that every woman here will always have the right to choose, no matter what the circumstances.”

“He said he just wants me to sleep with him,” Olivia had to admit. “No sex.”

“Ah.” Inga nodded. “That makes more sense. I doubt you could find a better protector than our war master.”

“It’s not about him guarding me, exactly.” She wondered if she were assuming too much. “He said he can’t sleep because he worries about me. I can’t tell if he’s being honest. We hardly know each other. Everyone keeps telling me that he doesn’t like women.”

Inga sighed. “Are you concerned that he wants more from you than companionship, my dear?”

She couldn’t admit that she was more worried about what she wanted. “Not really. There’s something between us, but that might be because he rescued me when I came here. Perhaps he thinks he’s responsible for me now. Or he could be attracted to me, weird as that sounds.”

“Why wouldn’t he be attracted to you?” the chatelaine countered. “Is it because of his looks?”

“That, and the way he is with me. One minute he’s interested, the next he’s pushing me away.” She ducked her head. “I just don’t want to assume anything and then find out I’m wrong.”

“I wish I could tell you what the war master is thinking, but he’s never been an easy person to read, or even know.” The chatelaine gave her a sideways glance. “I can tell you that he has never taken a lover in nine centuries.”

That horrified her. “He’s been celibate since the clan was cursed?”

“That is what I’ve been told, and my source is quite reliable.” Inga patted her hand. “I admire your courage in dealing with Alec so directly. I could never say anything to the man here who stole my heart. At first I was ashamed about wanting him because I was married in our world. You’ll find that the longer you’re here, the more your guilt for what you left behind fades.”

Olivia knew despite her casual tone that she had suffered; her eyes had filled with pain simply talking about it. “What happened between you and your guy?”

“He grew to care for me as a friend.” Her lips curved, but sadly now. “As time passed I thought perhaps he might give his heart to me because we shared a bed, but that never happened. Instead, I had to watch him fall in love with another woman.”