Page 21 of The Scars We Heal

“We’ve been trying for a few months, but every test has been negative.” I sighed.

“Well, maybe if you just try harder it’ll happen.” Krista scoffed. “It’s too bad you’re not more like Sarah. She got pregnant almost immediately after her and Justin got married.”

I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth, pulling on the chapped skin until the taste of blood filled my mouth. “Yeah, I guess we’re just not trying hard enough.”

It was useless to argue with Krista. All I could do was concede and agree with her, even though every backhanded comment made me less and less confident.

Maybe I wasn’t good enough. The idea had been drilled in my head plenty of times over the course of our relationship. I was just the girl from a ranch in the middle of nowhere Montana. All of his previous girlfriends had been blonde and came from wealthy families. When that was my competition, it was hard not to compare myself to them and wonder how in the world he ended up with me.

At least five minutes had passed since I’d taken the pregnancy test, so I couldn’t wait any longer. Forcing my eyes open, I took a deep breath and lifted the test from the counter.

Negative. Again.

Emotion flooded over me, and tears prickled at the corners of my eyes.

I just wasn’t sure if they were tears of sadness or relief.

It was negative again.

Adam

Damn. Mom’s going to be so disappointed.

Can you take those financial documents on the counter to my mom’s house today or tomorrow? I have to pack up to go out of town again and I won’t have time.

Not even an, I’m sorry, how are you feeling? or an Are you okay?

I swallowed the disappointment before it had the chance to rise in my throat. I’d just have to try harder next time. Track my cycle better.

Yeah, I can do that.

Adam

Thanks, Caity.

After cleaning up in the bathroom, I walked to our bedroom and flopped down on the bed. Staring at the ceiling did nothing to dispel the negative thoughts swirling around in my head, so I started to dial a familiar number. One that wasn’t in my contacts anymore, but had popped up on my phone hundreds of times my final year of college.

I had a big exam coming up, but Adam and I had gotten in a fight, so I was currently huddled on the floor in the bathroom of our apartment.

The front door slammed, and I hugged my body tighter.

When silence fell over the apartment, I pulled out my phone, going to the app that showed all my friends’ locations.

Adam’s location was notably missing.

With a sniffle, I navigated to my text messages.

Hey

Jake

Hey, what’s up?

Stressed about finals.

Jake

Need a late night pick me up?