Page 97 of Playing the Player

Me: You can take them back if you

don’t like them.

Angel: No. I love them.

Me: Good.

Me: Happy birthday, Sasha.

Angel: Thank you <3

I stare at the tiny heart for longer than I should. I want to say more, but I don’t want to come across as desperate or say something stupid. So, I pocket my phone again, putting my truck into drive and head home where I can wallow in my own self-pity alone.

“Hey Dee!” I call as I walk into Buttons and Books. She’s working behind the counter, moving around the space like a madwoman. I don’t even think she has registered that I’m here. Instead of bothering her more, I move to the back of the cafe where Olivia and Isabella are waiting for me.

“Hey Olliepop.” I nod to the woman who has very quickly become more like a sister to me than a friend. “Hey, Connie.” I coo at the beautiful baby who smiles up at me. Her first few teeth have started poking through and it’s the cutest thing ever.

“How’s your shoulder?” Olivia asks once I’ve sat down at the table opposite her.

“It’s doing good. Doc says it’s healing better than expected.”

“Oh, that’s good!” Olivia’s smile falters as she looks over at me. “And how are you?”

“I’m doing okay.” I lie, but she can see right through it. She raises an eyebrow at me, a stern look on her face that says I’m not taking any of your bullshit, so I tell her the truth. “Fine. I’m not doing well.”

Her face morphs into a look of pity and I fucking hate it. I don’t need people feeling bad for me. I just want them to treat me as if everything is normal. “I lost the two most important things in my life and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know who I am without either of them.”

I told Olivia about my ADHD the day after I told the guys. It actually surprised me that Sasha didn’t tell her and I think that has made all of this feel worse. She didn’t tell the one person she tells everything to, because she knew I wasn’t ready for people to know.

“I know it’s hard now, but hockey will be back again before you know it.” She rests a gentle hand against my forearm. “And Sash, she just needs a little more time.”

“She doesn’t want me, Olivia. She ended things with me, remember.”

“Did she tell you why she ended things?”

“She tried to,” I shrug, trying to appear unaffected even though it still eats away at my insides, “but I didn’t want to hear it.” Olivia’s eyes widen slightly before her hand whips up and hits me over the side of the head. “Ouch, what the fuck was that for?”

“You are so stupid sometimes!” She exclaims, rolling her eyes and taking an angry sip of her coffee. “Sasha wants to be with you, Conor. She just has a lot of shit to sort out first.”

What is she talking about? If she wanted to be with me, why didn’t she just tell me that? Because you wouldn’t let her, dickhead.

“Conor,” Olivia sighs, that look of pity back on her face, “Max really messed with her head. Imagine being with someone basically your whole life, thinking you’re going to marry that person and have your kids with that person, for them to turn around and do the one thing you thought they never would.” I mull that over for a minute.

I know Sasha has trust issues now, and I know Max really fucked her up, but I never stopped to think about it the way Olivia has just put it. That would screw with anyone’s head.

“Plus, she’s never been on her own. She’s lost and doesn’t know who she is as a person. She didn’t think it was fair on you having to wait around until she figured that out. She wants to work her life out so she can be better for herself and for you.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I had thought this whole time Sasha just didn’t want to be with me. I thought this whole time that while I thought everything between me and Sash was real, that she was just using me to get over her ex.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

It turns out that she’s actually the most selfless person out there. Instead of stringing me along, she has taken space to be better. Fuck, I should have listened to her at the start. It could have saved us both a lot of fucking pain.

“She’s doing so good, Conor. She’s checked so many things off her list. She’s healing.”

I can’t help but laugh, the first real one I’ve done since all this shit started. “That girl loves a good list.”

“I think that’s the one thing she will never give up.” We laugh for a moment and part of me feels lighter. Knowing Sasha is out there, doing everything she can to heal, is something I don’t even know how to put into words. “She quit her job last week.” Olivia says and my chest swells. “She gave them hell too.”