Page 62 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

“Yeah, but I like the idea of spending the morning with you much more.”

And it’s true. Because right now I don’t need anything else. Because I don’t want anything else. The only thing I want is more time with her. More time. Always more time, as if every minute by her side were a gift meant to be savored. A rush of emotions tightens my chest, a mix of love and gratitude that makes me think about everything we’ve been through to get here, about all the nights I dreamed of this.

“Well then, let’s take a shower…”

Barbara slowly undresses in front of me, and as her clothes fall to the floor, all I can think is that I want to live this every day until I die.

· · ·

The shower water falls gently over our skin, warm and comforting, like a liquid embrace wrapping around us and pulling us even closer together. The space is small, but it feels perfect because we’re together, because there’s no distance between us, and because every gesture, every touch, every glance is filled with the kind of love that makes me feel whole. I lean my back against the tiled wall, letting the water slide slowly down my body while I watch her carefully. Barbara runs her hands through her hair, closes her eyes for a second, and lets out a tired sigh that somehow doesn’t fit with these perfect days we’re living through. Her brow is furrowed, her jaw tense, and strange as it sounds, it immediately puts me on alert.

I move closer slowly and gently rest my hand against her stomach, using the soap to draw her attention.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

She opens her eyes, and for a split second something flickers there. Something hovering between us like a shadow that makes the hairs on my arms rise.

“Of course,” she answers too quickly, flashing a smile that feels fake enough to make me uneasy. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

I study her silently for a few more seconds. Because I know her. Because after so many years together, I learned how to read her little by little.

“You seem different,” I insist, softening my voice so it doesn’t sound accusing, even though something inside me already feels unsettled. “More serious. Like something’s bothering you and you don’t want to tell me.”

Her expression softens a little, and she smiles again, though not completely genuinely; I can tell by the way she avoids looking directly into my eyes.

“I’m just short on sleep,” she says, moving closer until her body brushes against mine beneath the water. “And a few kisses from you would probably fix me right up.”

I raise an eyebrow playfully and answer with a smile that tries to hide my concern:

“Just a few kisses? That’s not very ambitious.”

“Well…” She shrugs gracefully. “Maybe… you could give me a lot more than kisses. Depends what you come up with and whether I’m in the mood.”

A soft laugh escapes me, echoing through the shower, and I let her kiss me again. Because it’s easy. Because with her, it’s always easy to let go. I feel her lips, her tongue searching for mine, and that heat pooling between my legs, making me forget everything else. But even while her hands make me tremble, I know something isn’t right. I don’t know exactly what it is. I don’t know if it’s real or if I’m imagining it. But I’m afraid all of this will fall apart the way it has so many times before.

“Hey…” I murmur, pulling back slightly from her lips. “If something’s wrong, you can tell me, okay?”

Her gaze locks onto mine, intense and deep, as though she’s trying to read me while I’m trying to read her.

“I know,” she replies softly.

“Then tell me. Don’t leave me out of it.”

For a few seconds, I think she’s going to tell me what’s happening, but she doesn’t, and in that instant of hesitation I realize I’m not imagining things.

“Nothing’s wrong, Lidia. Really. I’m just a little tired. You know sleeping so little never does me any favors.”

I want to believe her. I really do. But something inside me still doesn’t feel right. Even so, I nod and decide not to push any further. Because I don’t want to ruin this. Because I don’t want to be the one dragging the past back into this beautiful place we’ve built together.

I lean close again, resting my forehead against hers and closing my eyes, letting the water keep falling over us like a curtain shielding us from the rest of the world.

“Okay, I won’t worry about it anymore,” I whisper against her skin, feeling her breath mix with mine.

And I decide to leave it there, at least for now. Because this bubble is still too beautiful to burst before its time. And because I’m afraid. Afraid that if I pull too hard at the thread, everything will unravel in my hands.

She wraps her arms around me, and I let myself go completely. I surrender to this moment, to her warmth, to her presence, because I know that right now this is the only thing that matters. Us. Here. On this island, in this shower, in this kiss tasting of a love that, despite everything, is still beating fiercely between us.

CHAPTER 32