Page 48 of Guarding Glenda

“Good. Tell me about the doctor. What do you need to set up?”

“Oh. I’m not sure group is what’s best for now. I think maybe some more one on one.” She took a sip. “I didn’t really want to go at all before, so group was my negotiation. But after the last few days, I think I’m ready.”

“Until you can drive, I’ll take you wherever you need to go.” I knew she had shit to work out, and even with knowing the truth about Reggie, she had a lot of baggage before that. Her acknowledging she needed to go was good. As much as I wanted to help, I couldn’t dig her out of the dark hole she had been in so long. Only she could do that. But I would do my best to keep the dirt she shoveled off of her from falling back and burying her again.

“You know that saying, everything happens for a reason?” she asked.

“Mmhhmm. It’s kinda fucked up.”

She giggled, settling against my chest. “It is. I wish so many things had been different. But whatever the reason, I’m glad I’m here now.”

“Me, too.” I kissed her shoulder. “Me, too.”

Chapter 19

Glenda

We finished our first cup of coffee in the chair together as Bruce sniffed around the back yard. Fog burnt off quickly as the sun peeked through the clouds. It was definitely getting colder outside but I didn’t mind a little chill on my legs. Sitting on Leigh’s lap kept me warm. I’d have to start wearing warmer clothes soon, but in that moment, I was perfect. Everything was perfect.

Part of me wished we could just stay there, together. His house had quickly become my safe space. He’d become my safe space.

Was I still reeling from learning how bad things really had gotten with Reggie? Yes. Was I surprised? No. I’d learned from therapy the last time, sometimes we block out the bad memories and instances to protect ourselves. You see it often with children not being able to recall certain events. But it can happen in adults as well. Especially after a traumatic event.

I’d had one trauma after another according to my old counselor. It was like I was a magnet for chaos and pain. With each one, it got easier to push things down, far in the back of my mind. Some things that happened as a child I didn’t really consider traumatic until I’d talked about it and got horrified looks. Then some things I’d started to remember from childhood that made sense I’d tried to forget. There were other times in high school, too, that were bad, but I’d blocked out and now details were still fuzzy. That was part of the reason I’d gone into the military. I thought I’d learn to protect myself and be surrounded by honorable men. What a fucking joke.

I wasn’t the only woman to suffer and be silenced by the armed forces and I wouldn’t be the last. Dr. Stanley was former military. I hoped she wouldn’t be able to relate to the things I’d gone through there, but she’d at least understand.

Even though I was glad I couldn’t remember some things, I wished I could remember others. Whatever weird safeguard my mind put in place for me made it hard to distinguish dreams, or nightmares, from reality. That made it hard to understand my emotions about some things, or some people. And my intuition was trash. Was it my sixth sense or was that anxiety creating a false narrative?

The flood gates seem to have been opened, though. I’d sent Linny a text to see if she was awake after that crazy dream. When I rambled on about some of my recent dreams and questioned what Leigh meant when he said Bama never told me what really happened, Linny woke him up. When Bama told me what happened the night Reggie was killed, it unlocked the safeguard and so many memories came flooding back.

Linny had stayed with me a while but I eventually sent her back to bed. She had a child to care for and had already been spending all her free time with me. If she knew what had been going on in my head, she probably would have stayed, but I outwardly appeared calm as my mind struggled to process the rush of information.

“Hey, you good?” Leigh asked as he parked the truck near the clubhouse.

Blowing out a breath that ruffled the hair around my face, I said, “Yeah. Just a lot to do.”

That was true. Packing up seemed like it would be an easy enough task, but sorting through things posed a risk. So many things reminded me of different times of my life that held both good and bad memories.

Leigh grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Need me to stay with you?”

Before I could reply, the front door opened and Linny came out. Her green locks blew across her face.

“I’ll be okay.” I paused, about to say something else, then decided against it.

He squeezed my hand. “Tell me.”

Rolling my eyes, I said, “It’s dumb. That’s why I didn’t say it.” I smiled at him. “I’m fine.”

He leaned closer, turning and pinning me to the seat. His dark eyes stared me down. “Tell me, or I’m not moving.”

Biting my lip, I finally answered with a huff. “I was going to say keep your phone close. Just in case. But really, I’ll be fine, okay?”

The door opened and Linny asked, “Am I interrupting?”

He dropped his lips to mine for a chaste kiss then said, “I’ll always answer for you, Glenda.”

My heart fluttered as he moved back to his seat before pulling the keys out and hopping from his side. Turning to Linny, who was watching with brows high and a smirk, I waved her out of the way and climbed out.