Page 29 of Guarding Glenda

I still knocked mine back. It tasted like crap but I needed the hit of caffeine. The room was set up like a classroom but the tables were moved to the walls. Bulletin boards had posters and flyers about all sorts of things, ranging from grief to sex trafficking. Pamphlets were spread out across another table next to the drink station.

A woman, maybe late thirties or even early forties, came in with a leather-bound notebook. Her dusty blonde hair was just past her shoulders, half pulled back and half down. She was dressed nicely but still casual enough she didn’t stand out like a sore thumb with a white button down, collared shirt tucked into fitted jeans, and a classic black pump. Her brown eyes scanned the room and she gently smiled. “Everyone, go ahead and get seated. We’ll start in just a few.”

There were ten seats, and quickly nine were filled, including the woman who appeared to be leading us. I looked back once I sat, and Leigh had slipped out. “Okay. Welcome to the Thursday Morning Trauma Support Group. I see a couple of new faces. I’m Dr. Lorraine Stanley. I’m a licensed clinical psychologist with a masters in grief counseling and a PhD in trauma counseling. I served in the Air Force for six years and now I work in private practice and volunteer here. Let’s take a minute for everyone to introduce themselves.”

The intros went counterclockwise from Dr. Stanley and everyone introduced themselves, including Linny, then it was my turn. “Hi. I’m Glenda. I also served. Umm,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Dr. Stanley said, “If you don’t want to share right now that’s okay, but if you’d like to, you could start with the incident that caused your trauma. You can also just share how you’re feeling right now. There’s no right or wrong here, and no pressure.”

A humorless laugh escaped my throat. “Which incident?”

The doctor’s chest raised with a deep breath but her face stayed neutral. “Sounds like you’re going through a lot. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Irritable. Confused.” All true. Especially that last one. On so many levels.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Yep.” Glancing around, realizing I only just met this doctor and most of these people, I said, “Maybe someone else can go for now.”

Dr. Stanley nodded, and smiled. “Of course. Just a reminder. As long as we are all respectful, this is an open forum to speak, but please wait until everyone is done before you speak up. That said, does anyone have something they want to share?”

Someone else started talking. I was trying to pay attention but my mind wandered. Flashes of Leigh flipped through my mind, his weight over me, our skin stuck together. Prickling heat danced over my skin and I started to drown in the moment, but then Reggie’s voice emerged. It was muffled and I couldn’t make it out, but it was him. I tensed and my heart raced.

“Glenda?”

I blew out a heavy breath, gasping for air.

“Hey, you’re here. With us. It’s okay,” Dr. Stanley said as she crouched in front of me. Linny was right by me, and she placed her hand on my shoulder.

Shaking my head. “Yeah. I’m here. I’m good.”

Dr. Stanley stood. “Well, folks, that’s our time for today. I’ll see you next week.”

I stood, reaching for Linny’s hand. I was reeling as I considered how long I must have been in my mind fuck. Dr. Stanley stopped us. “Ladies, can I have a minute?”

We stood together and Dr. Stanley said a few goodbyes, then came closer. “Are you here together?”

“Yes,” Linny said.

“Did you experience a traumatic event together?”

Linny nodded. “Yeah, but we both had some baggage before that.”

I giggled and they both looked at me with wide eyes. “Oh. Sorry, that happens sometimes when I’m uncomfortable.”

“Well, the session is officially over. But it’s rare we have survivors come together. It’s good to lean on each other. Trauma and grief are quite lonely sometimes. But can I suggest a little homework?”

We both nodded so she said, “Until we can really unravel things, we need to avoid triggers. It’s important to eventually address what causes them, but we obviously have an immediate need to identify and reduce or avoid triggers when possible. So think about why you may have had that episode, and both of you think of the last time you felt tense, scared, had flashbacks, even vivid nightmares. If possible, let’s reduce those triggers for now, just to allow your mind to heal. A cut can’t heal if you keep opening it, right?”

“I can do that,” Linny said.

“Sure.”

Dr. Stanley handed me a card. “Like I said, eventually we will learn to face those triggers and manage our reactions to them. But not yet. That’s my cell. I will take an emergency call between sessions but over twenty minutes, I have to charge.”

“I understand.”

“And if you want to get on my schedule for a private session, touch base with me. Sometimes group can be overwhelming. I have a fairly reasonable private pay but do take Tricare.”