Page 33 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

Nalini

Noah’s bedroom somehow still smelled like teenage boy. I didn’t understand how that was possible, considering the room had well over a decade to air out. But it seemed like that kind of smell was a fact of life. One I wished smelled less like BO and body spray. It was the first thing I noticed when I woke up from the nap I’d accidentally taken once I'd changed into Kam’s clothes.

At least I felt better… even if the room did stink.

I’d tried to find somewhere to live, but Kam’s offer came at the perfect time. The other apartment complex was already full, prioritizing families and the elderly. The houses in town for rent were too expensive for a teacher’s salary, and the idea of me getting a mortgage was laughable. I’d debated booking a hotel, but the nearest one with availability was about half an hour away, and that wasn’t a commute I wanted when I had to be at work by 6:45 in the morning.

My boss demanded I take the week off, which meant I had to figure out a week’s worth of sub plans. That was my big plan for today, while I had a week to buy new clothes, find a new place to live, and talk to the insurance company. And figure out how to claim my safe now that the fire was out. I really didn’t want to try to get new copies of all my important documents on top of everything else.

I was glad I was safe, and I was glad Sylvie was safe. In the long run, she was all that mattered. The world hadn’t ended; it’d given me a fresh start. The mantra repeatedly played in my head, but it was harder to believe now that I'd realized exactly how difficult it was to start over from scratch. I did a few breathing exercises only to be interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by Kam peeking in.

“Feeling better?” he asked, offering me a mug of something warm. I had no idea what it was, but I didn’t care. I’d already warmed up, but I still felt numb in a way I wasn’t sure how to explain.

“Less cold,” I answered, taking a sip to discover it was filled with hot chocolate, “But past that? I don’t know. The more I think, the more there is to do.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Kam nodded, sitting on the keyboard bench across the room, “Nobody talks about how when a tragedy happens, you end up with a to-do list a mile long while you’re trying to process it.” I felt guilty for not even thinking about the fact he’d gone through something worse than I had. I was sure the universe would let me be self-centered in this situation, but it didn’t stop the guilt

“Do you have a computer?” I asked, taking a longer drink, “I need to make sub plans for the week. My boss informed me I was taking the week off, but it’s a lot of work to put together that many sub plans.”

“You don’t have any coworkers who’ll help you?” Kam asked, and I grimaced. The answer was yes, and they were all fantastic teachers. My anxiety just screamed if I didn't do it myself, it wouldn’t be done to the standard I wanted. If I was gone all week, it meant they’d need to work, not have a one-and-done review day as I’d normally put together. Plus, it was Sunday night, and while we were all in about the same place in our novel studies, there was just enough variation that I wasn’t even sure if they were in the same place. “The silence means yes, doesn’t it?”

“I guess…” I quietly groaned, “I just…. I don’t want to put my problems on other people. Ever.” I winced as the words came out, knowing it was another “gift” my mother had given me. She’d always told me I needed to figure things out myself, especially since her job had her gone at such weird hours.

“Well, you should,” Kam insisted, “and I’m pretty sure if your coworkers found out you tried to write sub plans, they’d lecture you on it too. You can be independent and still ask others for help.” The words felt like a slap to the face, even though I knew he didn’t mean it that way. I’d forgotten how well he used to read me, and how it seemed he’d brushed up on the ability the more time we spent together.

“Fine,” I mumbled, even though I felt like I was setting myself up for disappointment. I called my department head, who informed me they’d already written them, and she was shocked I’d even been thinking about it. Admin called my favorite sub to make sure she was free the entire week so the kids could have consistency. I’d always felt like I had to be somewhat closed off from my team; I worked well with them, but I’d never truly gotten to know them. And now to find out I was a valued part of the community? I clearly needed to stop doubting myself and my place, as others always accepted me without my realizing it.

I sighed, knowing I’d held the world at an arm’s length for too long. I didn’t want help; the fact everyone sprung into action made me uncomfortable. But maybe Kam was right — I needed it, even if I didn’t necessarily want it. It was a tough pill to swallow, considering I really wasn’t in the mood for multiple life revelations in the span of a day.

I had other things to worry about than self-discovery.

Like getting Sylvie a new tank and things to go in it. I wasn’t exactly dressed for going to the pet store to drop a small fortune. The few clothes Kam lent me were so large I looked like I’d been swallowed by the shirt, and I kept tripping over the legs of the sweats.

“Hey, Kam?” I called out as I left the bedroom, trying to figure out where he was in his house in a way that didn’t feel creepy. I’d been here thousands of times, been in every room, but staying here now felt like I was a stranger, disrupting whatever routines he and Cassidy had in place. I wasn’t surprised to see him poke his head out of the kitchen; I remembered how much he loved cooking when we were teens. “Do you care if I get some things delivered? I’m not quite sure if that’s crossing some boundary.”

“The paparazzi literally have never cared about me since the band broke up. Should be fine,” Kam snorted. “Order away.”

“And tomorrow after school, we’re going shopping!” Cassidy announced, “No Dad allowed!”

“Oh, really?” I asked the girl with a chuckle, “What are we shopping for?”

“Clothes,” Cassidy said, as if it were obvious, as she judgmentally looked me up and down, “You have two outfits. And you need someone to tell you when you look cute when you try stuff on.”

“Is it okay with you if we have a girls’ day?” I asked Kam, who nodded as Cassidy bounced up in excitement, before going over to tell Sylvie her plans. The snake periscoped her head, and I couldn’t tell if she was annoyed at constantly getting talked at or if she found Cassidy interesting.

“She hasn’t wanted to go shopping like that since her Mom died,” Kam quietly said. “They’d make it a big thing. So, keep that in the back of your mind; this is a pretty big step for her.” I understood, glad for the context, especially since I realized it meant there was a huge chance it'd bring up a lot of emotions for her I wasn’t sure I was mentally able to handle.

“You can always come too,” I suggested, “If we go to a mall, you can test the Clark Kent theory and see if anyone recognizes you when you’re wearing glasses.”

“Funny, except I don’t have glasses,” he said, rolling his eyes. But it still felt like something off my plate with him going, with him assuring Cassidy he was just there to drive us and carry bags.

I pulled up a shopping app I knew would get me Sylvie’s tank needs within the next few hours, knowing it'd cost an extra arm and a leg to get it here. It ate up a lot of the money I could’ve spent on clothes, but if I had to wear something second-hand while my snake lived in luxury, that was how it was going to be. Plus, the insurance payout was coming, and I could buy plenty of new outfits then. But until then, I’d at least have something, and that was all I could ask for at this point.

While Kam had been worried about Cassidy going shopping, he really should’ve been worried about my ability to keep up with her. It was clear she’d envisioned a romcom shopping montage — complete with multiple outfit changes, us walking through the mall with more shopping bags than we could carry, with the most girlie pop soundtrack one could imagine. And she was completely unimpressed my budget only allowed for me to get two pairs of pants, a couple of blouses, and a pair of shoes — to the point she stole my phone when I was trying on an outfit to ask Kam for his credit card.

It was a little embarrassing trying to explain to a child how little money I had, even though it was just a normal day in the life of a teacher. And while Kam was generous enough to lend me his card, the dollar signs quickly added up in the back of my mind. I was going to repay him, even if he insisted I didn’t need to. I wasn’t going to let him continually treat me — not when he had a budget to worry about too.

“You should try on that dress,” Cassidy said, pointing to the one in the window of a store that was entirely too expensive, even with her father footing the bill. But I knew why she was pushing me to do it — I’d stared at the dress every single time we passed it, which was at least six times now.