Page 55 of Oblivious Roommate

“Did you?”

He nods. “I did, and for a while, it was glorious.”

“What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter. Life happened. What I want you to take away from this is that at least I don’t regret never telling him. Things can always go sour, but if you get that time together, it will be worth it.” He pats my back, and I don’t feel so alone anymore.

“Levi? Can I use your phone?”

His eyebrows rise. “You need to talk to him face-to-face.”

“No, I want to call my mom.”

Levi frowns. “Please, don’t tell me you want her to come get you. You can’t leave Cassian hanging like this.”

“No, it’s just been a while since I talked to her. I’ll talk to Cass, I need to. I fucked up big time and I have to own up to my shit.”

Levi sighs. “I’ll give you a ride once you're ready. And if you want to make that call, come with me,” he says, rising from the chair.

I finish my beer in a few gulps. I need courage for what I’m about to do. I then follow Levi behind the counter, and all the way to the back room where I almost got my leg broken. I can’t get over how deranged of an idea it was, yet I couldn’t see it at the time. Maybe the anxiety I’m feeling about Cassian is just as blown out of proportion in my head?

Levi understands me without words, because he leaves me with the phone and all the privacy I could want. I’m actually surprised he’d leave me with his cell unlocked, but clearly he doesn’t feel threatened by me in any way, and I respect him enough to not search for dick pics.

Still, the receiver seems to judge me as I stare at it. This conversation demands a video call, and I’m now glad Mom tends to pick up every spam call she gets, because she might have not answered Levi’s phone otherwise.

She stills with her nostrils in the middle of the picture, until she realizes it’s on a video call. “Oh, hello there! Matt. Is everything okay? I don’t know this number. Was there a fire? At your house? Please tell me you’re okay.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just… It’s been a weird day.”

“Oh. Well, have you lost your phone?” she asks with a sigh and moves the camera farther away, showing a bit of our cozy kitchen. Her short hair has been newly dyed, and since it looks great, I am tempted to tell her that instead of answering the question.

“No. Just left it at home. I told my friend I really felt like talking to you and he lent me his.”

She smiles. “Is Cassian there with you? Hello!”

“Um… no. It’s just me.”

She frowns. “Something’s wrong, Matt. What is it?”

“I…” The words get stuck in my mouth, and I’m so stressed even though I do have a vague idea that my mom loves me and won’t disown me or anything. Would it be easier to write what I needed to say?

Or is this me running away from my problems again? A part of me wants to do the old ‘oh, no, I think you’re breaking up’ trick, but it’s time to be brave.

“I think I’m gay, Mom.” My eyes well up despite it being nothing to cry about.

The phone almost drops from her hand, but she manages to keep it upright. “Oh… but I thought you were so in love with Emily.”

I rub my eyes. “I thought so too. At the time. But I can see now that it wasn’t working like it should. I’m sorry.”

“Matt! Don’t say that. There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s just a lot to process. Did something make you call tonight? What’s going on there?”

“I’m in love with Cassian,” I choke out, and it feels like the most truthful statement of my life.

She sighs and shifts in a way that tells me that were I next to her, she’d be already hugging me. “Oh, honey… I’m so sorry. If it’s any consolation, I also used to have a crush on a close friend. But then I met your dad and everything worked out. I’m sure there’s plenty of men who are also gay at your university.”

This is when it hits me that I’ve been scared to tell her that Cassian has come out to me before I moved. On one hand, it’s Cassian’s secret to tell, but on the other, this is my mom.

“Cass, he… you can’t tell anyone, okay? But he’s gay too. So, I don’t know…” I have to take a massive breath. “Maybe I have a shot with him.”