Page 54 of Oblivious Roommate

Around six p.m. each day, Rainbowology turns from a lively cafe into a casual evening venue. Sometimes there’s live music on the weekends, sometimes there’s a pizza night, and sometimes Levi rents the space to various college clubs and societies for meetings.

Tonight, it’s dead. I stick out like a sore thumb among the few students sitting at their laptops. I wish there was a crowd I could melt into, but it’s not like I can conjure one. Every now and then, Levi sends me a suspicious glance, but then I just pretend not to exist. It’s worked well enough in the last two hours.

But Rainbowology is closing soon, and what will happen then? If I crash at Aaron’s, he’ll ask me all the questions under the sun as payment, and I didn’t want to explain myself to other acquaintances either, so the verdict on my immediate future is still up in the air.

I could go home while Cass is attending classes, or working, and gather my things, but it wouldn’t be fair to leave him without a roommate to foot half the bill for the apartment. I struggle to remember the state of my bank account, but it surely doesn’t contain enough money to tide him over for the rest of the year.

I startle when someone pulls out the chair at my table, but it’s only Levi, who sighs and sits down next to me. He rolls up the sleeves of his blue flannel, revealing colorful tattoos.

“You’ve been sulking here for hours. I hope you’re not considering breaking an arm this time.” He puts two large glasses of beer between us.

I flinch, hoping someone else calls him over, but the cafe is quiet tonight, and unless something explodes in the back rooms, the sly bastard is here to stay.

“It’s not funny,” I mumble.

“No?” Levi picks up the glass of beer and raises his brows. “All the friends I told think it’s hilarious. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell them who it was about,” he adds when I lean back, stiff as a wooden board.

“Thanks, I guess.” I grab the glass of beer offered to me because beggars can’t be choosers.

“What I did notice though is that you’ve not been playing with your phone like a normal person, and instead, you’ve stared at the tabletop like some psycho.”

That does manage to squeeze out the tiniest smile out of me. “I forgot my phone.”

“Taking into account you also told me you forgot your wallet, I’m worried about you, kid.”

I groan. “Will you not leave me alone? I’m just having a bad day.”

Levi’s piercing eyes shoot right through me. “This is about Cassian, isn’t it?”

“It’s not.”

“Did he shoot you down?”

“It’s more complicated!”

The few people lingering at the cafe look my way when I raise my voice.

Levi gives a deep sigh. “Matt, you’re making it more complicated.”

“You don’t understand. He’s my best friend. If I fuck this up… I don’t know what I’ll do.” It feels like I might just die.

Levi is as calm as ever as he rubs his short blond beard then drinks a sip of beer that leaves a bit of foam on his mustache. “Judging by your current state, you already fucked something up, so you might as well tell me what happened and get advice from someone who’s been in several relationships.”

He isn’t wrong about the fucking up part. “He found the troll costume. And we did stuff before he broke up with Logan. But we were drunk, and I don’t know what it means, and now I can never go back home. Can I live here?”

Levi blinks and puts down his glass. “Hang on. You did stuff? Did it go so bad?” he asks with a scowl. “You know, sex isn’t always perfect. There’s all sorts of weird noises, and nobody can expect you to be A+ during your first time. I’m sure he understands that.”

"He was perfect." I rub my eyes because they itch again. “But I backed out, because I’m a coward, and now he thinks I was messing with him or something. I hate this. Why do I have to fuck things up all the time?

Levi’s eyes narrow as I speak. “You backed out? That is the big drama that sent you running away?”

“I hurt him. And I don’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know how to fix it anymore.” I sniff, but have a gulp of beer to hide my face for even a moment. “I don’t have a grip on all these things I’m feeling.”

Levi makes a dull noise at the back of his throat and clinks his beer glass with mine, reminding me to drink. “It’s understandable that you’re scared of what might happen, but this is the guy you wanted to have your leg broken for. Call me crazy, but I’m confident that you really care for him.”

“It’s been brewing in me for so long now, but he has no idea. What if it’s just a bit of fun for him? I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. He’s my best friend, Levi. I can’t lose him.”

Levi is thoughtful as he swirls the beer in his glass. “I had a best friend like that when I was even younger than you, so yes, I do understand. But you have to take that leap, or you’ll never know.”