Page 56 of Playboy’s Purgatory

“If you’re serious,” he pauses and swallows hard, like the words are hard for him to force out, “then I’ll back off, of course. You’re her mom and the last thing I want to do is put you or her in an uncomfortable position.” Relief and regret fill me; I’m not sure which one I’m feeling more. “I’d really like you not to be serious though,” he confesses.

I shouldn’t ask. It shouldn’t matter. I ask anyway.

“Why?”

“It would make me really sad. I love having Vanessa in my life.” His eyes linger on my face like he wants to say more but manages to stop himself. “I don’t want to confuse her. I don’t want her to be afraid of being abandoned either.”

Fuck. How did he know that was my biggest fear in bringing this up? I just didn’t want to say it outright.

“No matter what happens, whether you can look at me without wanting to strangle me or not,” one side of his mouth kicks up, “I’d like to be in Vanessa’s life. That can be whatever you and her are comfortable with.”

“I don’t understand,” I admit, my eyebrows pulling together. “Why?”

“I look forward to seeing her and spending time with her,” he pauses and I look into his eyes filled with a longing that makes my heart pound in my chest, “and with you.”

“This isn’t going to end well,” I whisper my warning to him, hoping he hears it, hoping I hear it too.

“If I end up hurt, it’s fine,” he states it like he’s already accepted his words as an inevitability. “I just don’t want to hurt you or Vanessa.”

My shoulders slump because I have nothing to say. He’s being upfront and honest. I can see it written all over his face.

Can I really force this man out of Vanessa’s life just because he was tricked by Lola?

He lets his confession sit between us for a beat before he stands up and cleans up the table. I watch him and wonder what I’m going to do with this man.

My gut is telling me that I’m not going to be able to shake him off anytime soon. Maybe I don’t want to.

“Your dad called me about taking Vanessa out on his bike,” I blurt out the words, needing to fill the silence.

“He did?” The look on his face has me pressing my lips together to stop the laughter from bubbling out. He looks completely thrown, but he shakes it off quickly. “You should let him.”

“Excuse me? I should let your father take my daughter out on a death machine?” I sound incredulous as hell and more than a little shrill.

“He’s a good rider,” he assures me. As if it’s enough. It’s not. After tilting his head slightly he asks, “Did this come out of nowhere?”

“No,” I admit begrudgingly, “Vanessa asked him at the BBQ and then told me to expect his call.”

“He won’t take her out if you don’t want him to,” his words come out rushed, his tone attempting to be reassuring.

“I know.”

Relief is written across his features. “He’ll make sure she’s safe and has the right gear to ride.”

“I know,” I sigh the confirmation this time. “We talked about it and he already ordered her a helmet and jacket but needed to know her shoe size before getting a pair of boots.”

Playboy grins and nods eagerly as if I’ve already agreed to this little adventure. I haven’t. I’m still thinking about it.

But Vanessa knows I’ve basically said yes because she won’t let me get away with anything else. The girl would wear me down to nothing if I didn’t agree.

I’m not worried about her being safe, other than the fact that she’ll be on a motorcycle. There’s no doubt in my mind that Rumble will do everything in his power to make sure she loves the ride and comes back to me in one piece.

I’m worried about whether allowing her to become more entangled with the SOMC is a good thing.

“I was on the back of his bike around that same age,” his voice is wistful as he looks away. “All the club kids were.”

“Vanessa isn’t a club kid,” I point out.

Playboy just shrugs and doesn’t say anything right away. When I stand up, he takes a step closer to me. “You should still let him do it,” his voice turns husky and his eyes dart down to my lips.