Page 177 of Puck Me Back to Life

And then it hits me. Everything all at once. “Were you using our dynamic to…punish yourself?”

Kai looks away from me.

“Hayes, look at me!”

He does. I immediately wish he didn't, because I can see the truth brimming his eyes and streaking down his face.

“That's how it started, but⁠—”

Pain rips through my chest as I stand. “I told you that this was about honesty for me, trust. And you were using it for that?”

Kai doesn't argue.

I grab my shirt from the floor.

“Ash, wait.”

I push through the bedroom door. Kai grabs my arm, and I want to yank it away. I want to yell, to scream.

But I don't.

“I hope you get the help you need, Hayes.” I unwrap his hand and leave his apartment.

17

Kai

Idon't sleep.

I lie in bed staring at the ceiling until sunrise paints pale gray light across my apartment, replaying every second of last night until I've memorized all the places I could have answered differently.

Ash knows.

The thought circles endlessly through my head.

He knows.

Enough to see me differently. Enough to realize I'm not somebody worth dating. Worth loving. Worth keeping around.

My phone buzzes against the nightstand for what feels like the hundredth time.

I don't look at it. Another minute passes. It buzzes again. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me.

Ash.

Three missed calls.

A handful of unread texts.

Kai, don’t ignore me.

Baby, please.

The word baby makes my chest ache.

Another message arrives before I can put the phone back down.

I'm sorry I left last night. I got too hot headed.