Page 176 of Puck Me Back to Life

“Ash, stop it, it's fine.”

I grab his arm and start to peel the bandage off.

He pushes at my shoulders, but I’m too big. “Ash stop! Red! Red!”

But we're not in a scene. And I'm no longer on this planet, because I know what I’m going to find. I peel the bandage back just enough to see beneath it.

Then my entire body goes still.

Fresh cuts. Angry red skin, still oozing small amounts of blood. There are too many for me to count before my vision blurs.

I stare at them.

My heart pounds so loudly I can hear it. “Kai…”

He quietly pulls his arm back and covers it again.

Neither of us speaks.

The silence stretches until it becomes unbearable.

Finally, I managed to ask the only question my brain could form. “How long?”

Kai looks toward the floor. “It doesn't matter.”

“What the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter?” I push him to his side, revealing the healing cuts on his thigh. “And these? Do these matter?”

Kai pushes me off, pulling up his pants.

My chest feels impossibly tight. “You never told me.”

“I wasn't planning to. It's my body.”

The answer hits me harder than I expected. “Kai…”

“No.” He finally looks at me.

His gray eyes are guarded now. “This isn't something you get to fix.”

“I'm not trying to fix you.”

“You are.”

“I'm trying to understand.”

“I don't need understanding.” He pushes at me again and I let him up.

He pulls on his clothes, hiding the evidence.

“Kai, this isn't healthy. You can't just destroy your body⁠—”

“Who cares?!” Kai snaps, his eyes burn into me. “It's the only thing that fucking helps, okay? It's the only thing that helps quiet everything besides you!”

He sucks in a breath, like he didn't mean to say that last part.

“What?” I ask.

“Ash—”