Page 88 of I’m Dreaming of a New York Christmas

‘Flora.’

My head snapped up, and there he was – a full twenty minutes early. He looked good – a little plumper than when I’d last seen him, but the softness suited his gentle yet solid personality.

‘Hey,’ I replied neutrally.

He took a seat opposite, and suddenly the whole scene felt like he was visiting me in prison.

‘You look great, Flora – seriously.’

I’ve been working out in the prison gym.

‘Thanks.’

‘I can’t believe you’re in New York.’

‘I can’t believe you’re in New York,’ I repeated.

‘Yeah, this is super weird and awkward.’

‘To say the least.’

‘I’m… sorry you had to find out like this.’

‘It wasn’t ideal, no.’

‘So… you wanted to meet?’

Shit. Why had I felt so compelled to talk to Will today? What was I hoping to achieve? Some kind of closure? If so, why did it feel like a sinkhole was opening up in the middle of this coffee shop and was on the verge of engulfing me? Will obviously didn’t want to be here – he hadn’t even taken his coat off.

I shrugged. ‘I figured it’d be even weirder if we bumped into each other on the street. Best to… clear the air.’

‘I mean, New York’s pretty big; we probably wouldn’t have bumped into each other, Flora.’

I stared at him and raised my eyebrows. ‘Let me guess, you’re staying in that hotel we picked on the Lower East Side?’

He didn’t reply, which was the only confirmation I needed.

‘See?’

He knew me well enough to understand that morbid curiosity would have got the better of me eventually, and us seeing each other would have been inevitable. It was for everyone’s benefit that we had this conversation on neutral ground – and without the presence of his new girlfriend.

Will blew the air from his cheeks and rubbed the top of his head with his hand. I noted he was wearing a new watch. A gift from Briony, no doubt.

‘I booked this trip at the start of this year. It was… meant to be a surprise for you. It was non-refundable. It would have been—’

‘A shame to waste it. Yeah, I know, I know. Laurie said. But c’mon, Will! You didn’t think it might be worth telling your ex-fiancée that you had a new girlfriend and that you were already living together? And that you were taking her on our honeymoon to New York? I was always going to find out one way or another! You’ve put Laurie in such a shit position. She feels awful for not telling me sooner.’

‘You don’t think I’ve been feeling awful all these months?!’ The volume of Will’s voice rose to something approaching a shout, causing people at nearby tables to glance at us. He inhaled slowly, then continued in a quieter voice. ‘I had no way of contacting you, did I? And anyway, I didn’t want to upset you any more than I already had. I want you to be happy. I want us both to be happy.’

‘But we were happy!’

Will ran his fingers down the sides of his face. When he replied, I noticed for the first time that his eyes were bloodshot, as if he’d had a sleepless night. ‘To begin with, sure. And when the four of us moved to London, it was great. But over the years we grew apart.’

‘It didn’t feel that way to me.’

‘It did to me. I’m sorry. I’ve thought about it a lot – like, so much – and I think our interests started diverging pretty soon after Laurie and Ben moved out, don’t you think?’

I forced myself to remember the final few years of our twelve-year relationship. Will had gradually lost interest in going to gigs after work and quirky art exhibitions at weekends, which eventually meant I’d stopped doing those things, too. His ideal way to pass time was playing super-complicated board games at the kitchen table with the Big Light on with some guys he’d met on Discord, which I’d kept as far away from as possible. But having different hobbies and preferences was normal, surely?