Page 71 of I’m Dreaming of a New York Christmas

You’re scaring him away.

‘Shit, have I overshared?’ I asked, tightening my grip on the covers.

‘Hmm? Oh God, no, not at all. I appreciate you telling me. Sorry – my brain isn’t working at full capacity this morning. I think I’m still processing everything that’s happened in the last forty-eight hours.’

I retrieved Ethan’s phone from the bedside table and looked at the time.

‘Ha, almost exactly forty-eight hours since you touched my arm and nearly gave me a heart attack.’

‘And now you’re here.’

‘Touching me all over the place.’

‘Flora – you’re making me sound like a dirty old man.’

‘Nah, I’m the one who threw myself at you at four o’clock in the morning. I promise you I did try and sleep on the sofa,’ I said, nestling myself into his armpit.

‘You’re kidding, right? It took you, like, seven minutes to climb up here after I turned off the light.’

I buried my head under the covers. ‘No way, it must’ve been longer than that.’

‘Way! I checked my phone when you started thrashing about.’

‘I was not thrashing.’

Ethan rose to his knees and whipped the duvet from my face. ‘You so were. I was worried you were having another panic attack.’

‘More like a moral dilemma that decided to externalise itself,’ I said through a sigh.

Ethan lay back down on the bed, turning to face me. ‘Explain.’

I rolled over. ‘You drew some solid boundaries before we went to bed. And I ignored them.’

‘You’re talking like someone from HR is in the room. It’s all good, Flora – the boundaries were for your benefit, not mine – I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do anything you didn’t want to. But If I’d known all this was going to happen, I’d have suggested taking a shower together as soon as we got back.’

‘Oh, would you now…’

As I closed the gap between us, I briefly pondered whether I’d undergone some kind of personality transplant on the flight to JFK. The witty, self-assured New York version of Flora Bell who kept breaking through the surface of my hardened exterior wasn’t someone I’d ever met before. And I bloody loved her.

Chapter 15

‘Mum’s in the bath. Tell me everything.’

After the best shower of my life, which required another solo shower afterwards, Ethan had admitted that he really ought to crack on with the cartoons to accompany his speech, and hailed a cab for me like some kind of New York rom-com hero. There’d been no emotional farewell; even though I hadn’t confirmed anything, we both knew there was a decent chance I’d end up going to Rick and Sinead’s wedding on Tuesday.

Ethan waved me off after insisting he pre-paid the cab fare, the taxi driver navigating the slushy streets with caution until we arrived in the winter wonderland that was a snow-covered Manhattan. The Sunday traffic was eerily non-existent, but the streets themselves were bustling with wrapped-up tourists and New Yorkers alike, many of whom were gravitating towards the nearest green-but-now-white spaces. One of which, of course, was Washington Square Park. I asked the driver to drop me off at the arch, the magnificent Christmas tree looking extra-festive against its snowy backdrop. I took a series of photos for Instagram as I strolled cautiously through the park – taking care not to re-soak my Converse, which Ethan had dried for me next to one of his heaters overnight. I smiled at all the kids – and adults – building snow people and other sculptures, and sleepy parents dragging delighted toddlers along on sleds. At one point, a snowball hit me on the arse, and I turned to see a teenage skater raise his hand in apology before receiving a snowball in his own face from an unexpected direction. He ran towards his assailant clutching a fresh fistful of snow to wreak his revenge. A wave of pure happiness rolled over me.

This is one of my favourite places in the world.

I waved hi to the receptionist as I floated through the lobby with a dopey grin on my face – this was no walk of shame, but a glide of pride. Beeping myself into the room, I found Anneka sat at the desk doing her make-up, with splishy-sploshy noises from the bathroom confirming Mum’s location.

I peeled off my shoes and dumped my backpack down on top of the mass of clothes that covered every inch of floor space. Throwing myself on the bed, I spread my limbs out like a snow angel and stared at the ceiling.

‘I… I think I just had the best night of my life.’

‘Out of ten?’

I lifted my head off the bed and squinted at Anneka. ‘What exactly are you asking me to rate?’