Page 102 of I’m Dreaming of a New York Christmas

‘You don’t have to; I’m sure it’s…’

But Ethan’s words kept flowing. ‘Listen, yes, we were due to get married in September, and I know I should have told you, but when I heard about what your ex did to you, I figured it was the last thing you’d want me to share with you.’

What’s he saying here?

I swallowed. ‘Oh. What happened? Did she call it off or…?’

‘No. She didn’t. It was me – I broke up with her.’

He walked out on her before their wedding. Just like Will walked out on me.

I bit my lower lip, which was threatening to wobble, fully prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though my nervous system was already gearing itself up for the inevitable.

‘Oh. Right. So you called it off… at the start of the year or something?’

‘No. I called it off in… September.’

Right before the wedding. Just like Will did.

My blood plummeted to my increasingly sore feet. I needed to get these fucking shoes off, now.

I sat down on the kerb and began to untie my laces with shaking hands.

‘Flora? Are you okay? What are you doing?’

‘My feet are killing me.’

Ethan sat down next to me as I focused on the job in hand. ‘Talk to me, Flora.’

I took one shoe off and chucked it aside, rubbing my throbbing heel. ‘What is there to say? You did to Sophie exactly what Will did to me. And here I am, falling for the same type of bloke all over again, like some kind of fucked-up Shakespearean tragedy in which I’m always destined to be the desperate Rosalind to all the loved-up Romeos and Juliets.’

My cheeks became wet with tears.

‘That makes no sense, Flora. I’m choosing you; can’t you see that?’

‘You can’t choose me, though, can you? Not really.’

Ethan said nothing, just rubbed and tugged at his hair.

‘It feels so shit to be discarded just before a wedding, you know,’ I challenged quietly.

‘Yeah, I’m sure it does. It’s hard to know what to say. But, for what it’s worth, Sophie’s living her best life near her friends and family in LA right now. She got a dream job offer on the West Coast back in the spring, and it took me way too long to understand that I wanted to stay here, near my family and my work and my friends. But I didn’t run out on her at the eleventh hour – we sat down a full three weeks before the wedding and had a massive heart-to-heart. And, yes, ultimately it was me who made the decision to end things, and we were both totally devastated, but we saw it through – together.’

‘That all sounds very grown up. Bravo. But what is it with you men? Why can’t any of you seem to figure out what it is you want – and don’t want – before the person you’re meant to love has already mapped out the life you’ll lead together?’

Ethan rested his forehead on the heels of his hands. ‘I don’t think any answer is going to make you feel any better about this, is it?’

I shrugged. ‘Feel free to try.’

Ethan transferred his hands to his knees and swivelled on the kerb to face me. ‘Okay. Well, this “map” you’re referring to. It… doesn’t exist. Not really.’

‘It felt pretty real to me.’

‘Yeah, I’m not saying it didn’t. But… it’s just a construct, isn’t it? To make you feel safe?’

I wanted to dismiss his theory, but my jaw had started to tremble, and I had to clench my mouth closed to stop a sob from bursting out.

Ethan put an arm around me, but I resisted leaning into him, tensing my muscles to keep me upright. ‘It’s like that speech I just gave,’ he continued. ‘The road trip of our lives is never fully predictable. There’ll always be unexpected gridlocks and diversions.’