Page 19 of Love, Lies, and Whiskey

She nodded, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry, but after I got that letter, I didn’t want him to grow up thinking he was unwanted, so I never told him the truth.”

“I understand.” Pain shadowed his eyes. “You said you’re not married anymore, but is Josh good to you and Lucas?”

“We separated when Lucas was four, and Josh was killed two months later in a hit-and-run accident.” It had been years, but it still hurt to think about him being gone.

“Jesus. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. He was a good father.”

“Good. I appreciate that.” The tension in his voice was palpable. “Did you love him?”

Not like I love you. “I loved him like a close friend who I’d known forever, and I loved him for saving me from having to give up our baby. But everything changed after Lucas was born.”

“When’s Lucas’s birthday?”

“March thirteenth. He was born three weeks early, which worked in my father’s favor. Since I had broken up with Josh the week before I came to the ranch, nobody questioned the timing.”

“March thirteenth,” he repeated with a small smile.

“And his middle name is John.”

Disbelief rose in his eyes, but as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced with gratitude. “Thank you for giving him that piece of me.”

Struggling against a rush of emotions, she said, “Even after everything I was tricked into believing, I still couldn’t let you go. After he was born, I wanted to reach out to you so badly, to show you the beautiful little boy we made, but that letter…” She paused with the painful memories. “The idea that you might turn me away again was too much to bear.”

“That fucking letter.” He set a serious stare on her. “Is that why things got harder with Josh? Did he know you wanted to reach out to me?”

“No. I never told him, but he knew how much I loved you. He was there when I was crying myself to sleep every night. But Josh loved Lucas, and he loved me. I mean, as much as he could love someone who didn’t reciprocate the same kind of love. It was just hard to be parents and keep up with school. We were kids, and there was a lot of pressure. I was happy when I was with Lucas, but I was heartbroken over you, and furious with my parents. Between school, Lucas, and being so unhappy, I had nothing left to give Josh. Toward the end of our relationship, he thought if we had a child together it might help. We tried, but I never got pregnant. Eventually we grew apart. He started partying and staying out later. I didn’t blame him. The situation was so unfair.”

Seeley turned his chair toward her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop that farce from happening. If I had known the truth, I would’ve been there for you and Lucas every fucking minute of every day.” He leaned forward, pulling her to the edge of her chair, and embraced her. “It kills me that you had to go through all of that, thinking the worst about me, and us, and…” He held her tighter. “I’m so damn sorry, darlin’.”

“It’s not your fault. We were both manipulated. I just never realized how badly.”

He drew back, his eyes blazing. “Your father is going to pay for this.”

“As much as I want him to, we have to be careful. I’ve seen what he’s capable of.”

“He can’t hurt us anymore, but I don’t want Lucas to think I’m a monster if I go after his grandfather to set things straight.”

“My parents haven’t been a part of our lives for a long time. When Josh and I first got married, I figured I’d be as ruthless as my parents were and let them pay for college and vet school to ensure Lucas and I had a solid future.”

“That was smart. It’s amazing you could think straight with all that was going on.”

“Thanks.” She appreciated that he recognized how difficult it was for her. “But it ended up being too hard to fake for long. I never went to see them and didn’t answer their calls. I only came back to Colorado for quick trips to see my grandmother, and I didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to see them or get her in trouble. I missed my grandmother so much, and I hated the threat of my parents making me feel like I couldn’t see her.”

“I’m sure she missed you, too.”

“She did. We talked on the phone a lot. But my parents would show up on my doorstep without notice, and I had no choice but to let them see Lucas. I hated that with a vengeance. Then one day Lucas said he wanted to be like Grandpa Marvin when he grew up, and the thought made me physically ill. I’d had enough. I didn’t care if I had to live in a homeless shelter. I needed to protect Lucas and get out of my fake marriage, but to do that, I had to completely cut my parents off. I didn’t want to involve my grandmother, but I had just graduated from college and I’d been accepted to vet school. I didn’t want to give that up, so I called her and asked if I could borrow whatever money I couldn’t get through student loans. She fought me on paying her back, but I needed to feel like I was standing on my own two feet. She helped me pay for a room on a small farm, and for babysitting, both of which she paid directly so there was no way for my father to trace it to my account.”

“And your parents let you go without a fight after all that?”

“I wish. There were weeks of ignoring my father’s calls and threats to take away Lucas. But I told my parents I’d get a restraining order against them, and you know how they are about their precious public image.”

“What a fucking nightmare. What about Josh? Where was he in all that?”

“He was ready for our relationship to end, too, and by then he understood why I needed to sever ties with my parents. But he loved Lucas and continued seeing him. And as I said, two months later, he was killed. We hadn’t filed divorce papers, so his insurance money came to me. That was the one piece of advice I was glad my father had given us when Lucas was born. He told us we had to have life insurance, and in the end that was my savior. I paid my grandmother back and was able to pay our way as long as I was frugal.”

“Jesus, Jule. That must have been awful for you, and I can only imagine how devastating it was for Lucas.”