Page 44 of Warlord’s Empire

He felt heartened and flattered by her words. He wasn’t an honest man. He’d lied and cheated plenty of times to get what he wanted, but Saskia was different. He would cut out the tongue of anyone who lied to his angel.

“If you tell me you can’t be with me after learning about me, I will send you back to your family.” He squeezed her hand tighter. “Last night I believed we were under attack. I couldn’t tell reality from fantasy. It’s like… it’s like…” He was at a loss to explain.

She stayed silent, her gaze understanding.

“It’s like the brain I’ve relied on my entire life, that has gotten me out of so many situations, that has built what I’ve built, is now playing tricks on me. It tells me things that aren’t real and I can’t…” Fuck, this was terrible.

“When did these episodes begin?” she asked softly.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, overwhelmed by weariness. “About six years ago.”

She frowned. “After you met me?”

“Not right away, but yes, soon after.” He drifted back into his memories, sorting through them, deciding what to tell her and what to keep to himself. “I started surveilling you after our first meeting. I told myself it was to keep eyes on every member of the Koba family, a family I vowed vengeance upon.”

She didn’t react, but she knew of his history with her family.

“After months of watching you, something started to happen to me. I could hear your voice in my head, acting as my conscience, guiding me. Before you, I was a mercenary soldier, my job my only mistress. I have never been anything other than a killer, and I am very good at my job.” He forced her to maintain eye contact even as a shudder of distaste rippled through her. “I have killed dozens, hundreds, perhaps more. I’ve lost count. Not all were deserving of death, but I never cared. A contract was a contract. It was what I was trained for and I believed there was nothing else for me in this world. That is, until I met you.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly and it was true. He didn’t know what made her special, wasn’t soft enough to understand the emotions driving him. “All I know is you changed everything. Made me want to settle down permanently, start a home, perhaps even a family. Things I’ve never thought of before.”

Her cheeks flushed a beautiful cherry colour.

He admired the glow for a moment before returning to his confession. “It is a very dangerous thing for a man like me to stop moving, to build a permanent residence. But I knew I had to if I wanted you in my life.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “When I began seeing things through your eyes, I started to understand your mind. I knew you wouldn’t be with a man who kills indiscriminately.”

“Yet you strangled the hotel manager in Pretoria,” she said. “Would you not consider that killing indiscriminate?”

“No, I would call it justified.” His voice hardened. “I had good reason to kill Paul Grossman. Due to his negligence, you would have been killed had I not intervened. His life was forfeit when he put you in danger.”

“So it’s me,” she said slowly. “You’ll kill for me.”

He could tell from her tone that she didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to lie to her. “Whoever sent those men after you must know that you are under my protection now and it is my hope that seeing the mangled bodies of the two Russians and the hotel manager will stop anyone else from coming after you.”

“I understand about the men in the hotel basement, it was heat of the moment, kill or be killed, but you could have turned the hotel manager over to the police. He would’ve been punished, but he would have lived. His family wouldn’t have to mourn him.” She shoved an agitated hand through her hair, accidentally pulling out her hair elastic and sending her curls tumbling.

Mesmerized, he watched her try to smooth the wild halo. “It’s not my way to outsource justice. When something affects me and mine, I deal with it myself.”

“But where do you draw the line? What do you see as worthy of your brand of justice and what aren’t you willing to kill for?”

He’d never had to answer these kinds of questions before and had to give it some thought before responding. “I suppose it depends on the level of harm committed. I’ve had to administer battlefield justice all my life. It’s something I’ve grown used to, so I make my decisions very quickly.”

“Without regrets,” she said.

“Yes,” he agreed. “Without regrets.”

A weariness seemed to creep over her. “I… you sound so much like Jozef… it’s honestly…” She trailed off. “Leeza is better at this than I am. She accepts this kind of life and the unwritten rules that go along with it. She accepts mob justice.”

“And you don’t,” he finished for her.

“I asked. I wanted to know.” Still, her lips trembled.

Bringing her here was always going to be a difficult transition. He knew Saskia hated that her family was embroiled in the mafia. Even if she loved Radik, accepting a life with him wasn’t going to be easy for her.

“You are still my conscience, Saskia. When I act, it is always with you in my mind. I do what I have to do to keep my enemies at bay, but I no longer take contracts. I am no longer an active mercenary, though I will fight if a fight is brought to my doorstep.”

“What is all this then?” Saskia asked, waving her arm. “The drone center, the walls, the children learning fighting skills, the tunnels under the compound. If you aren’t still active, then why do you need all this? And don’t tell me it’s security. I’ve lived in a heavily secure environment most of my life. That’s not what’s happening here. Your people look like they’re preparing for war.”