Page 38 of Antonio Miles

I set the tray on the table. “Are you hungry?”

She shrugged. “I could eat.”

I uncovered the food, setting plates on the table. Pad Thai, two spring rolls, some soup. One thing I loved about this place, whenever we had to be here, Seth brought a versatile chef with us. When Tessa sat down, I poured her a glass of water.

We ate in silence. I watched her as she chewed one slow bite at a time, obviously thinking over carefully what she wanted to say. When she finished a few bites, she pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at me straight on.

“So, is this when you read me the riot act?” she said. “Or are you saving it for after dessert?”

I set my fork down, careful not to bang it on the table. “You want to go first, or should I?”

“By all means,” she said. “Unload.”

“You lied to me,” I said. “You said you’d stay back, and you hid in the van. After everything that happened, you still --”

“I lied,” she said, cutting me off. “You’re mad I lied, or mad I was right?”

“Both,” I snapped. “You put yourself at risk for nothing. If something happened to you --”

“If something happened to me, it would have been my call. Not yours.”

“You’re not hearing me, Tessa.”

“No,” she said, standing up. “Besides, you lied to me first. You went back on your word. You said I’d be with you every step of the way. The way I see it, I was just following through with what you’d already promised.”

I stood as well. We faced off across the table, both of us tense and spoiling for a fight. Also, I thought she needed the expulsion of emotion in some way that wouldn’t make her cry. Because I would absolutely burn the world down if she fucking cried.

“You don’t get to throw yourself into danger just because you think you’re expendable,” I said. “That’s not how this works.”

She laughed. “Says the man who said, ‘We go in together, we come out together.’“

“That was before I realized you didn’t value your own life.”

She stepped around the table, squaring off. “You know what’s funny, Tonio? You broke your word first. You said you’d never put me at risk, and you did. You said you’d never lie to me, and you did. So don’t get up on a high horse about broken promises.”

I clenched my jaw. “I broke my word to keep you alive. Which I will not apologize for!”

“Then admit it. Don’t act like this is all on me.”

The room was bright, the table between us. And I knew like Goddamned fury she didn’t believe I thought any of this was her fault. She needed a way to lash out and I’d give her everything she needed. If that meant I took her wrath, so be it. I felt my pulse in my throat, tight and pounding. She was breathing fast, eyes locked on mine.

“You want the truth?” I said. “The sight of you holding that gun --”

“What? Made you proud? Made you angry? What do you want from me, Tonio?”

“I want you alive,” I said. “That’s all I want. I want you alive and here with me. Not… not another fucking ghost to haunt me.” My voice cracked, just a fraction. This hit me too fucking close to home and way out of nowhere.

She moved nearly close enough to touch. “Stop treating me like a tragedy you have to manage, Tonio. I’m not another thing you need to fix.”

“You’re not a thing to me, Tessa. You’re the only Goddamn person in this house who isn’t broken.”

She stepped in. “So let me make my own mistakes. Let me fight for you the way you fight for everyone else.”

“You want to die a martyr?”

“I want to live,” she said. “But not if it means being benched for the rest of my life.”

We were nearly chest to chest now. She stared up at me, unblinking, daring me to look away first.