Page 53 of Unraveled

“I could come over after.”

The thought of having him see me be a big old baby with the possible side effects was horrifying. Hadn’t I already broken down over seeing the bras in my drawer this morning? Nope, I refused to be a mess of tears every time I saw him. I’d like to retain some piece of pride when it came to how I handled things. “It’s sweet of you to offer, but most likely I won’t be feeling very well. I’ll text you and let you know. Okay?”

“In that case, I should come over tomorrow to see you, so I get a chance before the chemo. I could happily put off painting my house. It’s my least favorite thing to do. We can have a lazy Sunday.”

“Don’t you dare. You’ve taken enough time off for me this past week. You’ve got things to do.” I didn’t want him feeling responsible or guilty for leaving me alone. “Matter of fact, I have a girlfriend who might come over tomorrow.”

He looked surprised by the news. Considering it wasn’t the entire truth, I couldn’t blame him.

“It’ll be good to reconnect with your friends, I’m sure.”

The truth was I didn’t want to see anyone right now, but I did have a friend from college who’d asked me to call her. Tomorrow would be a good day to catch up.

I slipped into bed and watched as he turned out the lights for me. It had become our routine when he was over: him kneeling by the bed to caress my face and give me one last kiss.

“I guess we’ll talk tomorrow, then,” he said.

“Definitely. Thanks for coming tonight.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be. If you change your mind about seeing me tomorrow or Monday, you’ll call me?”

I gave him a reassuring squeeze on the arm. “I will. Good night.”

“Good night, beautiful.”

Although he seemed reluctant to leave, I knew we needed the space. It was my safety net against falling for him completely.

Something struck me, however, once he’d left. If I was so determined to do this on my own, why didn’t I feel more relieved about seeing him go?

Chapter Sixteen

Layla

On Monday morning, I took my small lunch sack filled with crackers, granola bars, and a water bottle, and met the Uber out front to drive to the hospital. It wasn’t until I walked in through the front door I started to get really nervous.

And emotional. Fuck.

Where was this anxiety coming from? After taking a deep breath, I blew it out slowly and reminded myself this is what I’d wanted. To do this alone. Yet fear was setting in. I didn’t know what to expect from pumping my body full of this life-saving, cancer-killing poison.

Taking out my phone, I saw a text message from Kellan. Although I knew he was working today, it was nice he was thinking of me.

“You there at the hospital yet?”

“Yes. Just arrived.”

“You okay?”

Nope. I hesitated, not wishing to lie, but also not wanting to worry him. I must’ve taken too long in my response as the phone rang, showing his number.

“Hello.”

“Hi. You okay?”

I blew out a breath. “Yeah. I have a case of first-time jitters, but I’ll be fine.”

“Do you wish I would’ve come with you?”

Yes. “I didn’t want you to take off work.”