Page 96 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

They would drive him crazy and I knew it. The knowledge filled me abruptly with fear of what that would do to him. His self-respect was fragile already, not even remotely helped by being betrayed by Jennifer, and I wondered if he was ready to face his family’s constant flow of doubts and criticism. They were like the ocean’s waves against a cliffside. They could chisel away the strongest mountains, let alone someone who needed protection the way Sebastian did. But nobody knew that. Nobody knew how deep it went with him except me. And maybe Eryn. His calm exterior didn’t let people see his hurts.

I held my breath. Part of me wanted to walk over there and demand to see him just to make sure he was alright. It would only take me a minute with him to know if they’d done a number on his mind. I didn’t doubt it.

Oh, but it was always subtle. Aside from preaching on a few topics, they rarely said things outright. They asked pointed questions. They suggested things.

I could already see Mrs. Ramirez making it seem like it was Sebastian’s fault Jennifer had cheated on him. I could see his brothers sneering and shaking their heads as if it was Sebastian’s flaws that caused the betrayal.

And if they knew about me…

I dreaded thinking about that. Who knew what those people were capable of? One thing was for sure. Nobody would be playing Dancing Queen in that house on the day Sebastian came out.

Chapter Seventeen

SEBASTIAN

At the end of the street, there was a small park too few people ever visited. There were bright green leaves on trees there and the grass was a little overgrown. It reminded me of all the times Tyler and I had played here as boys. Climbing the trees, jumping over the flowerbeds, and hiding in the bushes, we’d played every game imaginable, just the two of us. It had always been a welcome escape from reality.

Today, we weren’t going to play. There was no escaping reality anymore. We were too old to run away from things that were hard to face or admit to ourselves.

Three days had gone by since we had returned. Based on his texts, I felt like he suspected that not everything was rosy and great. Mine were short and to the point, not because I didn’t want to pour my heart out to him, but precisely because I did. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and unload all the guilt and shame and burden on him like I’d done all my life.

Selfish, a voice snapped at me.

And I had to admit that if there was any chance for either of us to be happy. My happiness was far less likely than his. It was as simple as this: I was only ever happy when I was with him. And being with him meant poisoning him slowly with my troubles.

Over the three days that had passed, my brothers were less present, but Dad was there to remind me of my failings. He was there to point out that the bright and wonderful future I had been hoping for wouldn’t just be given to me. All the work I’d put into it and I was still an unremarkable defense player with a mediocre report card in his final semester. The only chance of being successful was for a miracle to happen. And for a man who believed in miracles as much as my father, even he doubted I had earned one.

The odds were in favor of me getting struck by lightning sooner than landing a contract that solved all my problems.

I sat down on a bench in the park where I’d spent so much of my childhood. Tyler wasn’t late; I was early. I’d walked out of the house after nodding to Dad’s explanation of how the real world worked and how I’d missed my chance to study hard and have a plan B if my wishful thinking amounted to nothing the way it did.

The boiling rage I felt was directed at him as much as it was for myself. All I was capable of was tucking my tail between my legs and giving my feelings to someone else to deal with. Tyler. Always Tyler. I had used him as an escape my entire life.

As I sat down and gazed at the rustling leaves on the trees around me, I wondered if Tyler and I would have been such good friends had my childhood been happier. Would I have spent so much time with him if I hadn’t been using him to feel better?

When I heard his soft footsteps in the grass, I looked over my shoulder and found his beaming smile. It was so bright and beautiful that I couldn’t help but smile back, albeit weakly.

“There he is,” Tyler said. “The missing boyfriend.”

Even though I knew we were alone here, my gaze darted around to check again. “Trust me, it’s better I was missing.”

Tyler walked over to my bench. He didn’t lean in to kiss me or even hug me. He was extra careful for my sake. And that was just another proof that I was weighing him down. “That bad?” he asked, sitting down a foot away from me.

“Um, nah,” I said. “It’s all the usual.” I’d done it again. I was always doing it. It was like an instinct. If I felt bad, all I had to do was tell Tyler and he would pick up the task of making things right for me. Dad made me sad? Tyler built a pillow fort for me. I got cheated on? Tyler swept in to be the best partner I never dared to hope for.

Silence settled between us. The cheerful greeting faded and what remained was the mutual knowledge that I had been distant. It’s for your own good, I thought, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that. It was too big and too final to say it immediately.

So I sat with him, pushing my left leg closer to his right, letting our knees touch.

“I miss you,” Tyler said.

My throat closed. “How’s your dad?” I whispered.

Tyler stumbled for one second, then cleared his throat and moved on as if I hadn’t just ignored his attempt at intimacy. “Good. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think the new therapist is really helping. He’s not restless, but he’s not drugged into being a houseplant, either. There’s still passion in him.” Tyler talked about the miniatures his dad was building with an air of awe that I envied. There was little I could say about my family with that tone. Except for Eryn, who was gearing up to make her life her own without compromise and without an apology.

“I’m glad to hear it,” I said honestly. “He deserves to be happy.”

“Well,” Tyler said, hesitating. “Happy might be too strong of a word, but he’s not unhappy. There’s still a long way to go, I think.”