Page 71 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

“Better than being kidnapped and killed.” It was an echo of the thoughts I’d had then. We had been seven or eight. He’d gotten into some fight with his parents and plotted an escape plan. I had never seen him so committed to anything before. It had scared me to see how serious he was.

“You probably saved my life,” he admitted.

I snorted a little as if I hadn’t done anything nearly as important. But Sebastian had always been stubborn. He would have gotten scared shitless on the way, but he wouldn’t have backed down. And I would have had to follow him. Or stay behind forever.

It was my fear of losing him that had made me speak up. I had always wanted him near me.

Was that why I didn’t feel the loss of his relationship as strongly? Was I somehow glad that he didn’t have anyone else? I couldn’t believe that. Not truly. The reality was a little more complicated. I wanted him to be happy as much as I wanted to be the person making him happy. And I never believed Jennifer could do the job half as well as I could.

No. It wasn’t a mistake that I had leaned in and pressed my lips against his. It was just very poorly planned. It was selfish in its timing, but it was far from the first time I felt that pull.

To think of it, Sebastian’s magnetism had been drawing me in since we were kids. I had always wanted to be the first person he shared things with. I wanted to celebrate with him and to mourn with him. And I wanted to be wherever he was.

My heart was about to burst out of my chest as all the pieces slowly fell into their right place.

I closed my eyes. Sebastian didn’t speak anymore. His breathing slowly changed and I figured he dozed off again. Sleep was tugging me down to its comforting depths, too, and I surrendered to it.

As I drifted away, words echoed through my mind. Not yet. Not now. But soon.

One thing was certain in all the mess that surrounded us. I wasn’t going to give him up.

Chapter Seven

SEBASTIAN

I couldn’t help myself the following Monday. Some deeply rooted curiosity got the better of me. Or, perhaps, nothing had changed at all and I just simply noticed it more. But as Tyler and I skated across the ice, drilling defense tactics that Coach Murray had suggested, I couldn’t shake off these feelings.

Yesterday, I’d had an excuse to stay in bed. I had been hungover to the point of wanting to die. The confusion of what had happened the night before wasn’t helping it, either. Today, I had excuses again, attending classes and slipping into the library afterward to search for some obscure textbook that wasn’t even there. It had been a good way to steal some alone time and think. Except, no amount of thinking had gotten me any closer to an answer.

In the locker room, we’d changed quickly and methodically, like always, but I had to restrain my new curiosity from dragging my eyes to Tyler.

Everything seemed to be going well until we pulled off a particularly tricky bait-and-switch and Tyler circled around to crash into me. His hug was warm and tight and full of unspoken promises. It was as friendly as ever, but something had changed that night and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

For the rest of our drills, and especially when Tyler and I were seated to give the rink over to others, there were no attempts to discuss anything. To an outsider, this all looked like our normal behavior. And yet, I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw my helmet away and shake some answers out of my best friend. Why had he kissed me? Why had it turned me on? Why couldn’t I get it out of my head? Why did I spend hours daydreaming about it yesterday?

Since the moment I had gotten my senses back and pushed Tyler away, I had been simmering in regrets. Why hadn’t I let it last a moment longer? Maybe things would have been clearer if we’d kept kissing.

A pained whimper escaped me before I could stop it.

“You good?” Ty asked.

I looked at him. His brown curls were damp with sweat now that he’d removed his helmet. His eyes twinkled and all of his attention was on me.

I gave a firm nod. “All good.”

It was neither the time nor the place to tell him that I was being tormented by the memory of his kiss. And that was no way to phrase it, either, but it was the closest to what I could come up with. The thing was, it had done the very thing Tyler had been trying to do all along. It had made me forget everything about Jennifer. I just couldn’t decide if it was worth the awkward silences that followed it.

The rising need to examine whatever these feelings were got the better of me as I walked out of the shower. A big towel was tied around my waist while I rubbed my wet hair with a smaller one. I slowed down as I stepped into the locker room where guys were putting their clean clothes on.

Tyler was in his spot next to mine, talking to Asher. The two shared a little laugh and Tyler rolled his bare shoulders as he turned to his duffel. He was chiseled like a true athlete. His light and creamy skin looked taut over his swollen muscles. And his mischievous smiles were disarming. His brown hair was so dark after showering that it almost matched mine.

Over the years, he’d had a lot more luck with girls than I. He had always had an easy time striking up a conversation as well as closing the deal. And his relationships usually lasted longer than mine, even if they didn’t have much happier endings.

As I watched his muscles flex in the routine gestures of pulling his underwear up his legs or dragging a T-shirt over his head, I found myself breathing in short breaths and wanting to look away because I knew why I was looking. I knew what I was looking for. And I was finding it over and over again. This feeling deep in my stomach, like uncertainty or anxiety, this fluttery sensation that came with allowing myself to look at my best friend’s body was all too familiar. It was something I had always avoided for the simple reason that I knew it was wrong. You just didn’t look at your friends with thirsty eyes and desperate hearts.

When I reached my spot, Tyler winked at me in greeting. It was no different than a million other winks from him, but it made my heart stumble anyway.

We walked out of the rink together.