Page 61 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

“You are better than her,” I told him. I knew he heard me. I knew it touched something deep inside of him. “You’ve always been better than her. And you handled this like a gentleman. You’re fucking awesome, dude.”

He snorted, but the exhaustion and desperation were evident. “I’m so tired of being played like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him.

“At what point does that stop being true?” Sebastian asked. “I’ve been in half a dozen relationships and I still don’t know what I’m doing.” His voice faded to a whisper. He steadied his quivering lip and shook his head. “They keep walking all over me, Ty.”

I would have challenged him to a game of table soccer or brought us drinks to mourn his broken heart until we passed out, but neither of those were the right way to deal with this. I would distract him plenty in the coming days. And we would get blind drunk one of these nights, I didn’t doubt that, but it wasn’t going to help him tonight.

My fingers ran through the hair on the back of his neck. It was something that calmed him since we were boys, having a sleepover at his place and witnessing some upsetting altercation between him and his parents. It was a gesture I had to refrain from making around his parents because they read it the wrong way. But Sebastian liked it. His head tilted back, and I scratched the back of it for a while, then let him lie down in his bed.

Methodically, I dragged the shoes off his feet and helped him out of his pants and hoodie. I had a fleeting sense of guilt that I had left Courtney hanging once again, but my friend needed me. If she couldn’t understand that, it wasn’t my fault. Besides, she had already been disappointed in me once tonight. It wasn’t like I could make things worse.

When Sebastian dragged his pajama bottoms on, he lay in his bed. His back was turned to me and the comforter only partially covered him. There was space there for another person. It was as close to an invite as Sebastian would utter, but the need was obvious to those who knew him.

I changed into my pajama bottoms, threw on a plain T-shirt, and slipped under his covers. I wrapped one arm around my friend and spooned him close. He slowly released a sigh of relief, then his shoulders shook, and he held his breath.

I wouldn’t say a word.

This wasn’t the first time Sebastian cried while I held the pieces together. Too many times I had been his refuge and the thing that kept him from shattering. And I had never said a thing. I had never spoken about it to anyone, even him. He was safe.

I just held him, and he didn’t breathe for fear of sobbing. His tears were silent like they had always been. Like when he had been a teenage boy and scolded terribly for not acing his tests.

I knew this boy. He was most of my world. And I knew how to make him feel safe.

Chapter Three

SEBASTIAN

I must have had a bad dream. The panic boiled in me and a gentle hand squeezed my shoulder.

Jennifer. I thought I spoke her name. I wanted to turn around and embrace her. I wanted to press our bodies together, to hold her so tightly that nothing could pull us apart. But then, the awareness poured in and brought all the pain back. My heart sank deep into my stomach and I must have let out a sound. Someone’s soft voice whispered something my sleeping brain didn’t comprehend.

I wanted to open my eyes and face the speaker, but the warmth that enveloped me was too heavy to escape from. It dragged me down and lulled me back to sleep.

When I next woke up, there was a cold sensation on my back, like someone had pulled the comforter off me and let the cool morning air pour through the window. When I blinked a few times, and the world sharpened around me, I found that the window truly was open and the winter air replaced the stuffiness in the room.

The bright light of a new day poured into our room. I sat up, rubbing the back of my neck. Something hurt in my chest like I’d swallowed a really big bite of food without chewing. The corners of my lips dragged down hard as memories returned to me. Dixon and his big arms and broad chest; Jennifer and her venomous words; Tyler comforting me. As I thought of him, the door to our room opened quietly.

“You’re up,” he said in a casual, conversational tone. He carried two steaming mugs of coffee on a small tray. He shut the door with his foot. “I bring gifts.”

I blinked a couple more times before I took in the details. His bed was perfectly made, pillow fluffed, but he still wore his pajamas. My mattress was flattened, however, like it had supported twice my weight for a night.

I pressed my lips and forced a grateful smile. It didn’t reflect the feelings in me, but it was the best I could do. Tyler didn’t have to hear it spoken to know I was thankful. We had been in this situation before. He had always anchored me and protected me from the storms taking me adrift.

As I got up, the weight of my embarrassment and shame at how yesterday had turned out pulled me down. I mustered my strength and marched to the bathroom. After I had brushed my teeth and splashed my face with cold water, some alertness returned to me. In the room, I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. It was for appearances if nothing else. However cool Tyler might have looked, I knew precisely how concerns tensed his facial muscles. And I didn’t want him worrying about me.

Tyler had set my mug on my desk and was leaning back in his chair. His feet were on the desk, legs crossed at his ankles, and he wiggled his toes playfully when I looked at him. “Today’s agenda is as follows: have your coffee. Take all the time you need, but you only have forty-five minutes. Good? Good. We’re grabbing breakfast on the way, something light, and hitting the gym. I’ve got an essay in need of sources, so you’ll keep me company at the library. It won’t take long and you can make a list of assignments in order of importance while we’re there.”

I was silent, sitting in my chair, holding my mug in both hands. “Actually…”

“…you would rather stay in. I know,” he said, not unkindly.

I nodded.

“We have drills tonight,” he reminded me. “Coach Murray wants to poke holes in our defense tactics.”

Apparently, our strategies were becoming predictable. I knew that, too. “I’ll be there.”