Page 45 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

I was better off feeling nothing. It had served me well for so long.

I took my coat off and dragged myself to the bed, then noticed my old earring on the nightstand. His emerald was still dangling from my ear.

What a fucking joke. He had spared nothing in this ruse. He had lavishly showered me with gifts and attention and I had been so starved for love that I ignored all the red flags.

I had let him lead me on because nobody else would have. Nobody would have treated me so well. It was so obviously a scam that I wanted to scream and claw my useless eyes out. How had I not seen through it?

I grabbed the emerald earring and unhooked it from my ear. I jerked it out, scratching myself as I did so. Pain seared through my ear and I threw the gift across the room, hoping it would fall through some tiny crack in the floor. Hoping I would never see it again.

When I collapsed in the bed, I pressed my face into the pillow and moaned away all the pain that had filled my chest. It didn’t help much, but at least nobody could hear me. And I could wear my voice out until I couldn’t speak.

I didn’t know when I fell asleep. I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up. All I knew was the bottomless pit of blackness and despair that had opened in my chest. And shame. Endless shame that tasted like bitter bile.

I was weak. And I was stupid. And I was naive.

But I would never let that weakness get the better of me again.

I would never feel anything again. It was far safer to not feel at all. This emptiness he left in me had been there before. He had only temporarily filled the gaps in my soul. I’d lived my whole life just fine before him. I could survive his absence too.

Grayson Reed was nothing to me.

Chapter Thirteen

GRAYSON

I would have stayed in the snow had it not been for Cole. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed since I’d lost my grip on Avery’s wrist. Everything slowed down. My breaths were a thick fog in the winter’s air. My fingers were numb and clumsy. My legs grew weak.

A hard slap on my shoulder called me back to my senses. “Get up,” he barked.

I didn’t want to. I lay flat on the soft, white blanket. I twisted my neck and buried my head in the fold of my arm. The knitted sweater still preserved some warmth.

“Get up, Grayson,” Cole commanded and I growled back at him to leave me alone. I didn’t want to go back to my room. That fucking traitor was probably still smirking.

Cole grabbed my hand and it hurt to feel his warmth against the numbness in my fingers. It seared me, and I tried to pull back, but my arms were so weak that I couldn’t break free of his grip. He yanked me out of the snow until I was on my knees and then helped me to my feet. Snow filled my sneakers and crumbled under my sweater. I was dull to the pain and the cold.

“You’re not going to die over it,” Cole snapped. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Leave me alone,” I protested. I wanted to go…somewhere. Somewhere nobody could find me. A cave, maybe, where it’s cold and dark and quiet.

“Come,” Cole said, his voice softening. “Let’s get you inside.”

He took me under my arm and led the way back to the dormitory. I was slower than I would have liked to admit. It took hard work to make my feet move and keep me upright. Every trod in the snow was a new challenge, and every time I set my foot on the ground, I was just as likely to fall flat.

“You’ve been out here for fifteen minutes, dude,” Cole said, scolding me with his tone. “I looked out the window and saw you lying down. Jesus, Grayson. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Perhaps I mumbled ‘sorry.’ I wasn’t sure. Regrets welled in me unannounced. A regret that I had scared my only remaining friend. A regret that I had lied to the one person I never wanted to hurt. A regret that I hadn’t ripped that fucker’s head off the first time he hinted at the things he would say.

The worst thing of all was that he had been right. It didn’t free him of my hatred. He had done it for no other reason than to hurt me. And worse, he had meant to hurt Avery. If it weren’t hypocritical of me, I would have said that nobody would hurt Avery on my watch, but I had hurt him the most. So Spencer was right; Avery needed to know the truth and I had been a liar.

My mouth twisted and my throat closed as Cole dragged me up the stairs. He didn’t take me back to the room where Spencer probably gloated. Instead, he pulled me into the kitchen and dining room, sat me next to the radiator, and crossed the space to put water to boil. He was methodical in his actions and I took great interest. It was better to pay attention to the mechanical steps of making a cup of tea than to face the blackness of my filthy, lying soul.

Cole poured boiling water over the teabag and brought the mug to the windowsill above the radiator. That was when my body began to shiver. “Fuck,” he muttered. Then, with determination and an edge of a threat, he added, “Stay there.” He was gone for a time. An indefinite amount to my clouded mind.

My eyelids were heavy. No. My eyelashes were. I swiped a shivering hand over my face and found that they were stiff. Had tears frozen on my face? How fucking appropriate. It should have been all of me.

I had the strongest urge to stand up and march out. I longed to sprawl in the snow and hold onto the spinning Earth. But Cole was back. He carried bundled clothes in his hands and tossed them over the back of an empty chair. “Get up.”

Was he also mad at me? Everyone was angry. I’d fucked it all up.