Page 72 of Secrets on Ice

"I'm ready to leave," Sully says.

"Great, sorted, thank you. Love you both. Bye." Then she's gone, spinning back into the music, having just solved a problem she doesn't know she created.

Right.

“Shall we go grab the bus?” he says.

I nod because I don’t know what to say, this is awkward. Neither of us says a word as we walk to the bus, and there’s still nothing but silence all the way into town, too, as I keep my eyes firmly on the window.

The hotel lobby is empty and smells like coffee and sea salt, and we climb the stairs without a word. I think we're actually going to make it, pretending like the beach never happened as we reach the corridor that our rooms are on, then he stops as I reach my door.

"Night, Em."

I stand there facing my door, key in my hand. My mouth opens with absolutely no plan behind it, and I turn around to say something to him, but I’m too late, his door clicks shut. The corridor is empty, just the hum of the old hallway lights and the ocean somewhere outside, and me, standing there like a coward.

"Night," I whisper to nobody. I let myself into my room and get ready for bed on autopilot. Dress on the chair, makeup wiped, teeth brushed, an Advil and a bottle of water for later. I lie in the dark and stare at the ceiling, listening to the ocean through the window and the silence through the wall. I replay that kiss, and every time I do, my body tingles. I should not be thinking about Connor Sullivan like that. Then why did he kiss me? He felt sorry for you. My stomach sinks at that thought.

A while later, after many failed attempts at falling asleep, Cassidy stumbles in, humming to herself, shoes in one hand. She runs into the corner of the bed, trying to be quiet and curses.

“It’s okay, I’m awake.”

“Oh, shit, sorry, did I wake you?” she whisper-yells.

“No, it’s all good. I was waiting for you to get home safe and sound.”

“Aw, thanks. Let me get changed and then we can chat.” She giggles.

Moments later, she is back and getting into bed. “What a beautiful wedding?” She sighs.

“It was gorgeous.”

“And how happy they looked.”

“Yeah,” I say sadly.

Cassidy rolls over, and I can feel her eyes on me in the dark. “I thought it would be sad watching Collette and Fish get married, but … it wasn’t.”

I’m glad for her.

“I feel like it was hard for you,” she says quietly.

And she would be right. Tears start to form, but I refuse to let them fall. “I … I guess I don’t know if I can ever trust another man again.”

Cassidy gasps. “Oh, Em. I’m so sorry, I had no idea you felt like that.”

“You don’t feel like that?” I question her.

“No, I don’t.”

Huh.

“What I feel is … not hate, that’s too strong a word, but like a level from that … for wasting my time. I’m sad that he wasted my time. Trevor isn’t losing anything. He still has the love of his life, while I’m starting over. But I’m excited to meet the love of my life, aren’t you?”

“I’m scared,” I confess to her. “I feel like if someone couldn’t love me for all those years then no one can.”

“Oh, Em.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s just the weird headspace I’m in. How can I trust the next guy isn’t going to cheat or keep a life-altering secret from me.”