Page 71 of Secrets on Ice

"I have to go," she said. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

And she went back up the dock, into the lights and the music, gone. I sat out there alone until the party died, staring at the water, my lips still burning, playing it over and over, telling myself it meant something. It had to mean something. Girls don’t kiss you like that over nothing. A week later she was back with Kevin. I found out the same as everyone else, walking into school and seeing them at his locker, his arm around her, her laughing at something he said like Rachel Meyer never existed, like the dock never existed, like I never existed. She caught my eye across the hallway for half a second, and I stood there waiting for something, anything, a flicker, an apology, a secret. She just smiled at me, giving me her normal smile, and then turned back to Kevin.

That was it. That was the whole conversation we never had over that kiss. She pretended it never happened so completely that eventually I started to wonder if I'd made it up.

Guess history is repeating itself again tonight.

17

EMBER

Imake it back up the stairs, past the band, and straight into the ladies' room, where I lock myself in a stall and press my back against the door, trying to remember how breathing works.

I kissed Sully.

I kissed Sully, and it was the single best kiss of my entire life, and that’s what freaked me out. No one has ever kissed me like that, and that scared me. So, I told him he shouldn't have done it, which isn't even true, because it wasn’t all him, and then I ran away like a lunatic and left him standing on a beach.

What is wrong with me?

I fix my makeup with shaking hands, smooth my hair, and practice a normal face in the mirror. You’ve got this, I tell myself before exiting the bathroom. The reception hasn't changed one bit, the band is still playing, everyone is still dancing and laughing, which feels insane because my entire world just tilted on that beach and nobody out here even knows.

I get myself a glass of water and stand at the edge of the dance floor working out my exit, and that's when Ledger finds me.

"Hey." He's got his hands in his pockets and an apology already on his face. "There you are. I was looking for you before, but you'd disappeared."

"I needed some air."

"Yeah, about that." He blows out a breath. "I'm sorry. Back at the bar, you told me something real, and my face did something stupid. You deserved better than that. It just caught me off-guard, is all. What those guys did to you and your friend is pretty messed up. And I fully understand that you’ve just come out of something traumatic and you don’t need me being an idiot.”

Aw, he’s so sweet. I place my hand on his thick arm. “It’s okay. You did nothing wrong. I’m in a weird space right now.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re hot.” He smirks.

“I’m flattered, but I’m also way too old for you.”

He pretends to be heartbroken. “I disagree, but I’d still like to hangout, if you’re up for it?”

I want to say yes because he really is cute, but I think emotionally I have overstayed my welcome at this wedding. "I'm going to call it a night," I say gently. "It's not you, Ledger. You're lovely. I'm just ... not where I thought I was."

He takes it like a gentleman, because he is one, and wishes me a good night. Now I need to find my bestie and tell her I’m leaving. I find her on the dance floor.

“Hey, there you are,” she says as she tries to pull me into a dance.

“Hey, look, I'm done," I tell her. "Too much champagne and I'm heading back to the hotel."

"What? No! The band's doing another set." She pouts.

"You stay, I'll take the shuttle back to the hotel."

"You're not going back alone …" Her eyes go over my shoulder and light up. "Oh, perfect. Hey! Sully!"

No.

I turn, and there he is, coming in from the direction of the lawn, jacket over his shoulder. His eyes find mine and everything from the beach arrives in my chest at once.

"Em's going back to the hotel by herself," Cassidy says. "Are you staying or leaving? Because if you're leaving …"

"Cass, I'm fine on my own." I try to stop her.