Page 18 of A Highlander for the English Widow

Ann paused for a moment as she gathered her thoughts.

“Well, I mean, crime is gaeing tae happen whether we like it or nae. I dinnae condone it, of course, but there’s naything I can dae about it. Men are gaeing tae dae what they like, and I dinnae think it’s any of my business.”

“And has anyone spoken to Lydia about this to perhaps try and dissuade her from this notion of romance?”

“I dinnae know.”

Amanda sighed. “Then I think a conversation is definitely in order. I do not like being kept in the dark about this.”

“I really didnae think it would matter tae ye, m’lady,” Ann said, clearly realizing that this was not a conversation between friends but between a maid and her superior. “Ye hae sae much tae worry about rather than some love affair of a lass.”

“Nothing is more important than the well-being of those around me. You of all people should know that. It seems that this Lydia is in need of good counsel. Too many people in this world make bad decisions, some for themselves and some for others,” Amanda said, thinking about the decision her father had made to marry her off to Hamilton.

Lydia may not have had the breeding to be paired with a man, but that meant she had the opportunity to choose her own husband. It was something that Amanda was envious of, for there were no expectations and no rules, so it annoyed her that Lydia would make the choice to be with a man like this one rather than a good man.

“I am sorry, m’lady. I didnae mean anything by it, and it will nae happen again. I promise that I will let you know if anyone should become involved with anyone they should nae. I honestly dinnae think it would matter tae ye. There are times when I hae tae remind myself that ye are nae like the usual noble class,” Ann said.

Amanda thought Ann had been punished enough and decided to accept the apology.

“Then let us speak nothing more of it. We shall speak to Lydia when we return to the estate and hopefully show her that there is a better way to live. There are plenty of men in the world. I am sure that she would be able to find someone who is not involved with a criminal.”

“Aye, I believe sae. And speaking of other men in the world, the laird’s son is an impressive man.”

Amanda arched an eyebrow, wondering where Ann was going with this.

“I suppose it’s natural for one to think that. He certainly has an impressive stature.”

“If I may be sae bold, I did see the way ye looked at him this morning, and the way he looked at ye. Is there something ye would like tae tell me?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Amanda asked with a haughty air.

“It’s nae usual for ye tae spend the night away from home, and ye clearly hae a good rapport with him. I’m just thinking tae myself that now ye are free of yer husband, and the laird’s son is nae encumbered with a wife…” she trailed away, leaving the implication hanging in the air.

Amanda took a deep breath and then let her façade slip a little.

“I stayed overnight here because of Lillie. But you are correct. There is a certain…rapport between Logan and I that I find quite entertaining. However, thinking that there is anything more than that is a foolish endeavor.”

“Amanda, ye dinnae hae tae pretend tae grieve. Naybody is gaeing tae judge ye if ye try and move on. Ye hae been living in that estate by yerself for such a long time now. Ye deserve some happiness.”

“Perhaps I do, and so does Logan, and that’s why it doesn’t matter how I feel. I must confess that I have developed certain warm feelings towards him, but that is as far as I am willing to let it go. There is no sense in thinking of the impossible.”

“And what makes ye think it’s impossible? From what I can see, the two of ye would be a good match.”

Amanda smiled. In another life, perhaps, but in this one, well, things were not always so simple.

“Logan is a strong man with strong convictions. He is devoted to protecting his family, and he did not hesitate to try and help Lillie. He would be a good father.”

“It sounds as though these are all qualities ye would look for in a man,” Ann said.

Amanda nodded. “Indeed, and although I have tried to hide from these feelings, I realize I cannot, but that does not mean I can allow them to spread. Logan would be a wonderful father, and one day he shall be one. He is to be the laird, and a laird needs heirs to continue the legacy. I am no stranger to this. It is the same problem that Hamilton had, and I do not wish to repeat the past. I would not seek to burden Logan with my issues. It’s already been proven that I cannot have children, and Logan deserves someone who can give him what he needs.”

“If I may say sae, Amanda, I think ye are being a wee bit shortsighted.”

Amanda wore a thin smile. “Perhaps, but I would rather not take the risk of being disappointed again. I am not the type of woman that a man of standing should have because I cannot give them the one thing that women are born to give. Logan has already suffered greatly with losing a child. What use would he have to be with a woman who can definitely give him none? It is better to not entertain these flights of fancy. He is a good friend, and I hope he will remain so for the rest of my life. I also hope to attend his wedding one day and watch his heir grow up to be a fine man like his father. For now, we simply must focus on helping Lillie and the other children who have fallen under the sway of this awful man,” Amanda said, which was her way of bringing the conversation to a close.

However, as she thought about the future and about Logan having an heir, she felt sorrow well in her heart. It was a future she would have liked for herself, but there were many things in life that were simply beyond her grasp. Logan deserved more than she could give, and she was not about to get her hopes up about a romance again. She would not be able to take it.

Ann was about to say something else, starting on about what exactly Amanda was planning to do about this Bram MacGavin when Amanda noticed Logan striding out toward them. She couldn’t fail to be drawn in by his impressive stature and his long strides. Her breath caught in her throat as he came forward. She would have assumed that the more she encountered him, the less in awe she would be of his appearance, but that wasn’t the case. Whenever he approached, there seemed to be a tremor in the world, as though the sheer presence of the man was enough to change the very direction of the world. Or perhaps the tremor was just in her soul bursting through the depths of her errant heart that had waited so long to love and be loved.