Page 11 of A Highlander for the English Widow

“It is certainly his loss as I know he would have been made welcome in these lands. Sadly, he always had too many things to attend to in England, but I am glad to say that I have enjoyed Scotland enough for the both of us, and I shall go on enjoying it for as long as I am able,” she said, and she fully intended to keep that promise.

She took some wine herself and enjoyed the taste as she relaxed in her chair. This was so different from her usual evenings and gave her a sense of what she had been missing in life…or what having a family could be like.

8

Logan had been a little worried about introducing Amanda to his family. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of them, just that they did not always behave as expected. His mother had sadly not dealt with his father’s illness well, while Luke and Lyle were beholden to nobody but themselves. All they seemed to want out of life was to laugh, no matter at whose expense. He heard them say unkind things about the English in general that made him glare at them. Amanda either had not heard them or was polite enough to ignore the ill-mannered men, and he was grateful for this as he did not want his family to be seen in an unkind light.

As the dinner continued, Logan found himself in awe of Amanda. She navigated the conversations with the grace of a ship, never offending anyone and always giving the perfect answers to show respect for their hosts. It was clear she had been brought up being taught how to act around people. The English court must have been a valuable proving ground for her.

Once the initial unease passed, Logan leaned back in his chair and allowed himself to enjoy the meal, relaxing into the company. He kept glancing over at his father, though, and wondered how many of these evenings they would have left. Every time Hamish coughed or wheezed, Logan winced. He tried to turn his attention to Amanda and noticed that whenever she spoke about her deceased husband, the words were always diplomatic and never intimate. He was esteemed among his peers, and his reputation in his career was great, but never did she speak of his kindness or the qualities that truly defined a man. Logan had never been prone to learning about gossip, but he found himself curious about the inner workings of a marriage that seemed so much less than a marriage should be.

Amanda seemed to revel in the company and being the center of attention in a way that he never did. She came alive, her voice rising and falling like a melody, her smile widening, her facial expressions so evocative. She welcomed everyone in with her way of being as though nobody was anything less than a friend, and the dining chamber was filled with lively conversation that was such a joy and a blessing—a reminder of what might have been. But even this sober thought was not enough to drive him to melancholy, and he even found himself laughing at the amusing anecdotes Amanda had of her arrival in the Highlands as she attempted to get used to the Highland ways and to the accent.

Eventually, though, the energy of the night dwindled. Hamish had a violent coughing fit to the point where Logan ordered Luke and Lyle to take him back to his chambers.

“I’m fine, lad, I’m just fine. I want tae hear more from Amanda,” Hamish said, but Logan wasn’t having any of it.

“Da, it’s time for ye tae rest,” he said sternly, as though he was scolding a child.

Hamish was still protesting even when Luke and Lyle wrapped their hands around his arms and pulled him up, but he lacked the strength to do anything about it. He was taken out of the room, coughing and spluttering. Logan glanced at his mother, who yawned and turned her gaze away from the scene that had just unfolded.

“I suppose I shall take my wine and gae and rest for the evening tae. It haes been nice tae meet ye, Amanda. Ye shall hae tae come by again,” Caitlin said with a wide smile.

She dragged herself away from the table and cried out to a maid to bring her more wine. Logan cringed and wished there was more he could do, but it seemed as though he was always destined to be powerless. The door closed and he found himself alone in the dining hall with Amanda, who offered him a polite smile.

“Your family is charming. I’m ashamed that I never pushed for an invitation to dinner,” she said.

Logan smirked. “Thank ye for being polite, but I know it is nae what ye expected,” he said.

“No family is, but it was nice to be around one again.”

“Did ye mean what ye said when ye mentioned ye hae nay plans tae return tae England? I know yer husband is dead, but dae ye hae nay family besides him?”

Amanda pursed her lips and poured herself some more wine.

“My father was the one who arranged my marriage, and I think once that happened, he assumed that his role in my life was over. I have barely spoken to him since I arrived in the Highlands. The shame of being an ostracized wife can affect many people. The truth is I was never as close to my family as you are to yours.”

“Sometimes it can feel as though I’m tae close,” he said, chuckling to himself.

Amanda tilted her head and looked at him curiously.

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

Logan sighed. “My brothers dinnae know what’s good for them. They hae nay sense of responsibility. All they want tae dae is fool around. I suppose that’s the problem with them knowing they’re nae gaeing tae be laird. And Ma is…well, she haes nae been the same since Da became ill.”

“How is he? He certainly seems to have some spirit about him.”

Logan grinned. “Aye, tae much sometimes if ye ask me. I hae tried tae keep him away from things like this because he doesnae hae the strength. It would be much better for him tae stay in bed, but he will nae stay there. I keep hoping he will recover, but the longer this takes…”

He left the thought unfinished, not wishing to ponder the worst outcome of all. His head dropped, and Amanda reached over, touching him lightly on the arm, but only briefly, just like she had done earlier. He welcomed her touch and found himself missing it when she took her hand away. He wished there was an easier way for it to remain.

“I’m sure he will recover well. One of the things I’ve learned about Highlanders during my time here is that you all possess strong hearts and will fight until the last. I doubt your father will want to leave before his time.”

“Aye, and perhaps it’s selfish of me tae want him tae remain alive. I dinnae want it only just because he’s my da, but also because it means I dinnae hae tae be laird.”

“You don’t want it?” Amanda asked, sounding surprised.

“I dae… I just… I know that when I’m laird, it’s because Da is nay longer able tae be. I know that we can never stop the wheel of time from turning, but sometimes I wish we could slow it for just a while. And I could nae take care of my own family. I dinnae know how I can take care of a clan,” he revealed.