Page 141 of Rock Me

My body is so full of adrenaline it’s excruciating to have to just sit here, with no outer stimulation. Something about the darkness makes me crawl inside my own brain, hide there. Images I don’t want to be seeing are projecting in front of my eyes like slides. Of Noémie, over and over. The first time we met, when I saw her at the hospital the first time, our first kiss, when she held me as I broke down in the bath tub, the look on her face as we ran down to the aisle to get married, when she told me I hadn’t trusted her, hadn’t fought for her. When she’d told me to forget her.

And it occurs to me, this doesn’t mean anything without her here. Without her, I probably wouldn’t even be here.

There’s not a chance I’m moving on. I’ve got to go find her.

And I’ve got to make her realize, she’s meant to be with me.

“Seb,” I whisper into the dark, “I gotta go!”

“Stop joking around! They’ll have the lights on in a minute.”

“No! I’m serious, I’ve gotta go! I’ve gotta go find her. NOW! I can’t believe I’ve left it this long.”

He sighs, and I can feel him move around in the dark, looking for my arm. Once he does, he squeezes it. “Buddy, she’s… look, let’s just get through the concert alright? Then… then I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

“But I need to go, now!” The urgency builds every second I spend thinking about how stupid I have been to let so much time pass.

“Jez… one more night isn’t going to make a difference, okay? Soon as it’s over, we’re out of here. But please, stay, for us.” His voice is desperate, I’ve rarely heard something sound so important to him before.

I want to leave, I want to leave so much my skin is crawling, disobeying me, wanting to escape, cell by cell. But I know I owe it to my boys. Tonight, is about them, not me.

I sigh. “Would you forgive me if I couldn’t stay?” There’s a pause, and a sigh.

“We’re brothers. Always and forever.”

I reach out, and my hand finds his shoulder and I hug him. My chest filling with love for my best friend.

“I’ll finish this song, okay? Then I’ll find some way to go, without making too much of a fuss.”

“You’re on. I hope you get her, man. I really hope you do. So, look, we might as well decide what we’re going to do when they get it up and going again.”

“Marius, Brad can you hear us?”

“Yeah. Jez, can you take it from the chorus?” Marius suggests.

“Yeah, good. How ‘bout from… da da da da da.” I sing.

“From where?”

“From da da da da da…” I repeat, singing the bridge from Noémie’s composition.

“No, I think I’ll take it right from the top,” says a voice I don’t expect.

A voice I never thought I’d hear again.

And as if on cue, a spotlight appears right on stage, right beside me.

It grows from a small circle, bigger and bigger, until it lights up her whole body.

Noémie .

She’s here and holding a ukulele. Smiling at me.

She gives me a wink and starts to strum her ukulele.

It’s my song.

I’d never heard her play it before. Our interpretation was just that, ours.