Page 138 of Rock Me

Up until today.

Today, I tell myself, will be the last time. If she doesn’t answer today, I will stop.

I will let her move on. I will let myself let go.

Today.

I’ve been on this precipice before.

The dawning of a new age.

This time, it’s for a life without her.

A good life, a meaningful one, one filled with friends and music.

But not with her.

One more day, I give myself.

Because hope exists when everything else is gone.

Over the last few months, I’ve realized she was right. I didn’t fight for her. I let the grudges of my past cloud my view of life. She’s right. I hadn’t given her a chance. Yes, for all intents and purposes, it appeared she had caused the accident. There was almost no reason to doubt it.

Except the only reason that counted.

Trust.

She told me, time and again, that she couldn’t imagine it had been her fault.

But I didn’t listen.

When she had given me all the patience and belief she could summon in that giant heart of hers.

So, I don’t deserve her.

But I love her.

And I had hoped that that would be enough.

But I guess it wasn’t.

And now I’m the one who has to live the rest of my life with my mistake.

“Two minutes.” Brad says.

And I look up, watching Sebastian pacing around the green room. Part of his pre-show routine. He usually starts the show, so all the burden of that first note is on him. While the rest of us relax, knowing it’s not on our shoulders to kick the show off right.

But tonight, isn’t about hiding.

“Hey, Seb?”

“What?”

“You mind if I take the lead in the opening tonight?”

His face doesn’t move, he just asks, “You sure?”

“Now or never.”