Page 96 of Strum Me

“Okay, okay, we’ll be right there. Just…just don’t do anything and keep B—…just make sure everyone’s okay. An hour, tops.” He presses a button on the phone and looks up at me.

“Well?”

“Let’s …I’ll explain in the car.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug.

I know better than to ask right now. I will when we’re on the road. I don’t know why. It’s not usually my way to not panic, but Brad seems calm, and if he’s there, whatever it is can’t be too bad.

***

It’s bad.

It’s…it’s my worst nightmare. The one I’ve been having ever since Ben was born. The one that’s been coming on strong these last few weeks.

In the car, Brad waits until we’re on the highway before he takes my hand and tells me. The guys woke up to a loud knocking on my bus door. Hailey knows better than to answer things like that, and waited until Jez and Sebastian came out to see who it was and what they wanted.

It was two policemen and they were asking after me. When they saw I wasn’t there, they asked if Ben was there. Carrie brought him out and they looked him over and asked a few questions—if he was okay, if he was in trouble, where was his mommy, did he know the people around him. They said Ben was pretty happy but he didn’t know where I had disappeared to overnight and that was a bit worrying. The police left a card and asked me to call when I got back.

“It was Silas,” I tell him, without a shadow of a doubt.

“What are you talking about?”

“Silas called them and made some bogus report, I’m sure of it.”

“You mean, about Ben? About you and Ben?”

“About me not taking care of Ben.”

“No. No, he wouldn’t, would he?”

“He threatened me the other day.

“He threatened you? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was just yesterday.”

“What did he say?”

“It was after Ben went missing. He was in the tent with me, and he said… ugh, I don’t remember exactly, but he said that maybe it was time that things were going to change with him and Ben. He wants him, he wants to take him away, I’m sure of it. Oh my God, Brad, what if they take Ben away?” The panic comes on fast and strong.

“Shh, baby. Just try and stay calm. We don’t know what’s going on yet. Let’s just get you back and we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

“I…can’t…I can’t lose him, Brad. I just can’t.”

“You’re not going to. Right now, it’s nothing to worry about, okay? We’ll be there soon.”

And I wish that believing is enough to make it true.

***

The police tell me nothing when I call them. Just that they had had a call and they thought they should check up on Ben. They said they saw nothing wrong and no formal report had been made. They wouldn’t tell me who had made the call, but I don’t need them to tell me. I already know. They did make a throwaway comment, that maybe I shouldn’t go off without leaving my son to worry about where I was.

I don’t bother telling them that right now I’m going to have trouble letting him out of my sight.

Once I’ve spoken to the police, we return to our buses. Brad insists that Ben and I join the guys on their bus, and I go for Ben’s sake. I know he’s confused about the police coming, and being around the band will help him feel safe and distract him from his thoughts.

I bring my laptop, ready to work on my next column, but I can’t concentrate on anything on the screen. I can’t focus.

How do I go from day to day not knowing what Silas has in store for me? Am I supposed to just sit and wait to see how things will play out? Let him lead this at his own schedule?