Page 55 of I’ll Be Home for Christmas

‘It’s complicated, Sarah.’

‘But is it? Is it still complicated? It’s been a long time.’

Chrissie smiled. ‘Now who’s trying to fix things?’

‘Yes, I suppose I am.’

‘Meg has always been strong, done things her way, and apart from the risk of getting hurt again I really didn’t think she could ever change enough to make a difference. It sounds like I was terrible, unfair, but it was a way of protecting myself. My parents… well, I know they’ve always wished we could work through things. But I kept my armour on, I never took it off.

‘When I saw Meg outside the chalet yesterday, with you, I thought for a moment that your nanna and Grumps had set up the whole thing. But it was clear from their surprise that they hadn’t. They haven’t interfered for a very long time. They stopped trying to push me and I expect they did the same with Meg.’

‘Meg said the same thing.’

Chrissie looked across at her, her fingers looped through the handle of her mug, the cold outside still as dramatic as it had been when they first realised Meg was missing. ‘I know Dad had a really good friend with two sons and those sons had a falling out, and then the whole family dynamic broke down. Dad’s friend hasn’t seen either son for years. I suspect they never wanted that to happen to them.’

‘It wouldn’t though, would it?’

Chrissie shook her head. ‘Definitely not. But they know that growing up wasn’t the easiest for me and Meg. I suppose somewhere along the way they thought the best way was to stay neutral. I’m not sure I could’ve done that if I were them.’

‘No way, you like to interfere too much.’ She grinned. ‘Do you think part of the problem is that you and Meg are similar? You’re both stubborn. Like Grumps.’

Chrissie thought about it. ‘Maybe.’

‘You should’ve heard Grumps and Nanna last night. He was saying they needed the electric blanket on the bed but Nanna suggested they wait because it really wasn’t getting that much colder. He got it out anyway, plugged it in to check it still worked, and no matter how many times Nanna suggested they wait and save on electricity, he was still up the stairs, laying it on the bed.’

‘Sounds like Dad. What did your nanna do?’

‘She shook her head, muttered that man. I don’t think she realised I could hear.’ She liked that the lightness of the conversation brought a gentle look to her mum’s face, if only for a moment.

Chrissie asked Sarah, ‘Do you know why Meg has come here? It’s a bit odd, because according to your grandparents she never came for Christmas because there was too much to do at work.’

‘All I heard is that she wanted to take time out before a busy January at the chocolaterie.’

‘She sounds like she still loves the world of chocolate.’

Sarah smiled. ‘She makes very good chocolates, I know that much.’

‘She sure does.’

Sarah wasn’t sure how her next question would be received, but she still went ahead and asked, ‘Do you want to talk about what happened with Auntie Meg? I know you haven’t before and I know it must be complicated. But I felt better when I talked to you about Rhys, even though I never had before. Maybe I can help.’

Her mum ran a hand across the top of her hair as if she was a little girl again. ‘I don’t know about that.’

‘Meg told me she found it harder than you did to move around all the time with Grumps’s job.’

It was an opener Chrissie would usually use to close down the conversation, but unexpectedly this time she began to talk.

‘Meg struggled with the moving around, whether it was a different house or a new school, or another bunch of peers to try to gel with. It wasn’t always easy for me. In fact, there were times I got distressed about it, but mostly from my view it wasn’t the changes that it came with – it was missing Dad so much it almost caused me physical pain. I hated him not being at home, I worried he wouldn’t come back to us, that something would happen. And when we realised our mum, your nanna, worried all the time too, Meg and I kept it to ourselves. We probably shouldn’t have. We should’ve talked to her.’

‘Is that why you always asked me how I was feeling when Dad was away?’

‘Yes.’ Chrissie’s voice came out softly. ‘I needed to keep you talking. You didn’t have a sibling to turn to. We always thought we’d have more children, but it just didn’t happen for us. You had friends but I knew that didn’t replace having someone in the family to talk to, so I tried to be your mum, your dad when Anthony was away and then when he died. And I also tried to be your friend.’

‘My Meg in a way.’

Her remark made Chrissie smile. ‘I hated how much you were hurting when you lost your dad. I remembered how I’d felt as a girl, wondering whether my dad would come home safe. And yours hadn’t. It was the one and only time I wondered whether your Auntie Meg actually had a point.’

‘What do you mean?’