Page 22 of I’ll Be Home for Christmas

He took a moment to accept her answer. ‘Were you nervous when you got married? Did you have to breathe into a brown paper bag, or did you ever run off like Sarah?’

She smiled. ‘Sarah and I are alike in many ways, but not in that. No, Anthony was the one who was a bit skittish before the wedding.’ Her Anthony, her brave Anthony, had been a bundle of nerves. A pilot in the RAF and usually full of confidence, not one to falter, a man who made decisions in the blink of an eye, was different in his private life. ‘Sarah’s dad had the tenderest of souls, something I think Sarah got from him. He said proposing was the easy part. Every day up until the wedding he would overthink things. He was worried he wasn’t good enough for me, that I’d change my mind, that my family didn’t like him enough.’ Actually, that last one had traction, but she wasn’t going to explain that now. ‘I used to ask him how he could be so sharp and focused as a pilot who had to make decisions under pressure when everyday choices were something he’d overthink. He told me he was a different person in his job. And he was.’

‘But he told you those things.’

‘Yes, I suppose he did.’ And Sarah wasn’t talking. At least not to Rhys or to her.

‘I’m sorry you lost him so young. I know it was hard for Sarah, but it must’ve been really hard for you.’

Rhys was sincere, a man in love, and he was rising in her estimation by the second. ‘Thank you, Rhys.’ It was also clear how deep her daughter’s relationship ran with this man, and it topped up her guilt for having doubts.

Rhys ran a hand around the inside of his shirt collar. ‘I wish she’d call me, talk to me properly.’

‘She’s in safe hands over there in Winterbruck.’

‘That’s the main thing,’ he said.

After they each promised to keep in touch if they heard anything more, he left the surgery, dejected and sad.

And Chrissie hated knowing she’d probably played a significant part in all of this.

10

MEG

Meg couldn’t deny she’d been relieved when she realised Chrissie wasn’t here with her daughter, although seeing Sarah come down the stairs when she’d arrived a couple of days ago had been a real shock. Sarah had grown into a beautiful young lady, and she looked so much like Chrissie. She didn’t have Chrissie’s red hair – rather, she had Anthony’s dark hair and olive complexion – but she had her sister’s smile and soft voice. What she also didn’t have was Chrissie’s hostility, which meant Chrissie probably hadn’t shared the details of their falling out.

Sarah seemed accepting of Meg, but a cloud hovered because once Chrissie knew Sarah was spending time in the same vicinity as Meg all hell would break loose.

Meg had been the one in the wrong all those years ago. She hadn’t been the sister she should’ve been. She’d longed to move past it, but every time she’d tried to reach out, Chrissie hadn’t wanted to know. Meg had sent Christmas cards and birthday cards plus a few letters containing her address and phone number but never heard back from her sister, so after a few years, Meg accepted that Chrissie had been so hurt she just couldn’t forgive her for the things she’d done.

‘You’re bundled up all warm,’ Astrid noted when Meg came out of the kitchen after putting her coffee mug in the dishwasher. ‘Are you off out?’

‘I’m going for a walk.’

Since she’d arrived, she’d mostly hunkered down in the other spare bedroom with her laptop, under the pretence of doing admin for The Cocoa Cupboard. Really, she’d been trawling the job websites, but there wasn’t much going at the moment. Perhaps the New Year would bring something her way.

Astrid reached out to adjust Meg’s coat collar the same way she’d done when Meg was little. ‘You and your walking. You’ve always done it when you need to think. You’re safe today – your dad has checked the weather and the avalanche bulletin.’

‘He’s so diligent.’ He always had been. She supposed that was what came from being a soldier in the army for so many years.

Her mum whispered, ‘Some might say obsessed. But if it keeps us safe…’

‘Quite,’ said Meg with a grin.

She wasn’t surprised when her mum asked, ‘Everything is okay with you, isn’t it, Meg?’

‘Everything is fine, Mum.’ She would tell her about her woes, but not yet. Ever since those days in London in her early twenties, when she’d been a mess and had called on her parents for help when she ran out of money more than once, she’d never ever wanted to admit to another failure again. She never wanted to let them down, to disappoint them. She’d done enough of that to last a lifetime, especially when it came to her relationship with her sister.

When she was twenty, Meg had gone to London to study, but with the bright lights, excitement, and feeling of opportunity she’d got sidetracked. She’d hit pause on her studies, rented a room in a flat with a mishmash of people and got a part-time job at a café. She was in the big city, ready for the rest of her life to start, in one place, on her terms.

One of her flatmates, Siobhan, had been the closest to Meg in age, and they’d gone to bars and clubs on a tri-weekly basis. Meg hadn’t seen any downsides. So what if she wasn’t studying yet? She’d get there in the end.

And then Chrissie had come to visit. She was thrilled to have her little sister with her, but from the minute Chrissie arrived at the flat Meg had read the disappointment on her face. It was as though up until then Meg had floated along and not really seen what was right in front of her. The flat was grimy, her flatmates – apart from Siobhan – were insular and lazy. Chrissie had asked when she was going to move somewhere else and start studying, she told her their parents were worried about her, she asked her to come back to Switzerland. But Meg had dug her heels in. Said this was temporary. Tried to get her sister to see she needed this break before she knuckled down again.

Then, when Meg had had to work, Chrissie had met Anthony and Meg hated that the highlight of her sister’s weekend had been meeting the man she fell for straight away rather than a good time with her sister.

After Chrissie returned to Switzerland, Meg could better see her failures. She should’ve studied rather than putting it off, she should’ve set a better example for her sister and then perhaps Chrissie would be doing the same, getting herself a future, rather than preparing to commit to someone whose career her life would have to revolve around for evermore. Their mum had never said she minded moving about, but Meg hadn’t wanted that life for her or Chrissie.