Page 19 of The Nixie and the Frost Elf

"I've come to accept that I can fully embrace my nature while still being an individual person. So what if I like to play the violin, just like most nixies out there? I'm the only one who can play my music and has my voice."

"I'm glad. I know that was hard for you."

"I started seeing a therapist not long after I left school," I respond. "She helped a lot with accepting who I am."

"So you still do it now?"

I nod. "We talk via the mirrors about once a month."

"Have you talked to her about this?" he asks. "No, wait, I shouldn't be asking that."

"It's fine." I reach out and put my hand over his. "I haven't had a chance to yet, but I will."

"That's good." He turns to face me, our faces very close together.

Memories of our kisses in the music room fill my mind, and I find myself leaning in. It was fun to kiss him, and it made me feel like we were connected. I lean forward, brushing my lips against his. He responds immediately, but doesn't push any further than I'm going. I appreciate his thoughtfulness, even if there's a part of me feeling guilty about it. I should be able to give him more. If kissing him feels this good, then maybe other things will too. I just have to work out the best way to talk to him about that.

He cups my face with his hand, drawing me closer to him, and deepening the kiss. I let it happen, a little caught up in the moment, especially because I know that he's not going to insist on going further than I want to go, and if I say no to something, he'll understand.

Edur breaks the kiss and sits back, letting out a small sigh. "I'm going to need a moment before we do anything else," he murmurs.

"Are you okay?" Have I crossed some line I don't know about? We haven't talked about any of his wants or needs.

He clears his throat. "It's just that you're sitting on my bed and kissing me. I know it's not great, but parts of me are responding."

"I don't mind if you get turned on," I assure him. It's going to happen. And it's not like it's the first time, given what he told me in the music room.

"But it's awkward?" he guesses.

I think for a moment, trying to work out exactly what I want to say, both for myself and for him. "It's complicated."

"We can talk about it, if you want to?"

Despite my reservations, I nod. "But maybe not now. We should both take some time and think about exactly what we do and don't want, and then when we talk, we can do it with all of our expectations on the table."

"If that's what you'd like."

"I think so. It'll be good for us to talk about it clearly, so we know what we're getting into if we're taking this further." Nerves flutter to life inside me as I consider exactly what I'm suggesting we do. I know we need to talk about it, but there's a part of me that's scared that it will break what's growing between us, and I don't want that.

He reaches out and takes my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'd like to talk about it."

"Okay." I'm already nervous about it, but I know that this is the right option, especially if I don't want to ignore the pull towards him within me. More than that, I don't want to lose Edur again. It was hard enough to walk away the first time, I don't want to find out how much worse it could be a second. "How about dinner in a couple of days? We can have it in private rather than in the dining hall."

"Are you just trying to get me to invite you to my flat again?" he jokes.

My cheeks heat in response. "No. But I guess it would make sense if we could talk here. If you think your flatmates won't mind."

"I'll check with them to make sure we have the kitchen to ourselves," he promises.

"Thank you." Tears prick the corners of my eyes. I wipe them away before he sees and pick up the cards from the bedside table, shuffling and dealing them to the two of us. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening without worrying about the upcoming conversation. Tomorrow, I'll think about what I want to tell him, but I don't want to miss a moment of tonight's date worrying about something that I have every reason to believe will be just fine.

I look at Edur, feeling something stir within me that I've been trying to ignore for years, too scared about what could happen in the physical part of our relationship. But now I'm in a position where I know we're going to talk about it, I feel better. More centred and like I can actually face it.

I think it's because there's a part of me that believes him when he says it's going to be okay. And I really hope he's right.

Chapter 10

Edur