Page 107 of Hard to Lose

“Chase?”

“Hmm?” I look out the window at the skyline beyond.

“Look at me.”

The room falls silent as the weight of his stare hits me. When I finally look up, there is a soft smile on his lips. He too understands.

“Why does it hurt so much?” I finally admit. “Just when I think I’m over that hump, I get sucked right back down into the despair again.”

“Only the ones who are worth it hurt that much.”

“That doesn’t help,” I say and rub the heel of my hand to my chest.

“I hurt your mom once.”

“You were married. Of course, you did. It’s not normal to be with someone that long and not have a fight,” I say. Although, I really don’t remember there being much fighting in our house.

“No, it was before the marriage part.” He picks up the small frame I have on my desk of her and smiles bittersweetly at the image of her, young and smiling. “Your mom and I had a falling out. And being a guy, the first thing I did was go out with the guys to get drunk. To pretend I wasn’t at fault and to bury the pain I saw in her eyes.”

“What did you do?”

“What didn’t I do?” He laughs. “It’s taken many years and a lot of her love to make me the refined man you see today.”

“Oh please,” I say but smile, loving how he still talks about her all these years later like she’s still here, still a part of our lives.

“I kissed another woman.”

I stare at my dad as if he’d grown two heads. “You what?” I shriek, shocked.

“I never claimed I was smart, Chase.” He chuckles. “We had been dating for a few months when we had a fight. It was over her father thinking I wasn’t good enough to be with her, and I believe she told me I needed to step up to the plate and be that man then.”

I smile through the tears. “That sounds like Mom.”

“It sounds like you,” he murmurs and holds my gaze.

“Anyway, I went to the bar and got drunk because, screw your grandpa. No one was ever good enough for his daughter type of thing. Anyway, the alcohol wasn’t an excuse by any means, but there was a woman there who was hitting on me, and I was feeling sorry for myself. When she leaned in for a kiss, I didn’t say no.”

Is it ridiculous that despite all the years that have passed, I gasp when he says that?

“It was just a peck, but when I looked up, your mom was there with fire in her posture and hurt in her eyes. It was that moment with her chin trembling that I knew I’d move heaven and earth to figure out how to be the man her dad thought she deserved. The man she deserved.”

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this, Dad.”

“Because if Gunner’s worth it, then fight. Fight for what you have. For the relationship. The friendship. For the stolen moments that make you miss him the most right now.” He puts the picture frame down in front of me so that I am forced to look at the image of my mom. “If I hadn’t fought to apologize, to redeem myself, to win her back after my stupid mistake, none of this would ever have been.”

“It’s not the same. It’s—”

“Isn’t it, though? You live in a black and white world, sweetie. It’s okay to fight for the one who adds color to it.”

“I can’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for.”

He smiles and nods. “It’s hard asking someone with a broken heart to fall in love again. Especially when you’re the one who broke it in the first place . . . but if the person means that much to you, you’ll fight like hell to salvage what you have.”

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Gunner

“What can I get for you?” I ask the cute little brunette, who sidled up to the bar while I was in the back getting more ice.