Page 24 of Dirty Legacy

“No, Nadia, I’m being serious. I’m not… I’m not going to…” I clear my throat and reach for a drink, but find only a Diet Coke. God, I wish I could have something stronger. But I can’t anymore, right? Now that I’m pregnant. “I’m going to have this baby.”

“Okay, okay, that’s your choice and I respect it. I’m just saying, there are options. You’re going to survive.”

She doesn’t understand. I don’t even know if I can explain. There’s not a religious reason to keep this baby, at least not for me. I respect anyone who holds those beliefs, but they aren’t mine.

“I want to believe that,” I say quietly, eyes on the table, looking anywhere but at my friend. “It’s just, I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not going to take care of this baby. I mean, I’m going to take care of them, but I mean⁠—“

“I know what you’re saying.”

I bite my lip to keep from crying. “I don’t want to be like my mother. And somehow that makes me want to be a better person, you know? Part of that means owning up to my mistakes, and yeah, this baby is a mistake, I’m not ready to be a mother, I’m not financially stable or with a partner or anything like that, but this is my baby. It’s also a chance to prove to myself that I’m not just a slower-cooking version of Dawn. Is that insane?”

“I don’t think it’s insane at all.” Nadia sits close and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “But listen, you don’t have to have this baby just to prove to yourself that you’re not an asshole.”

I nod miserably, because I know she’s right, but it’s so much more than that. I’ve been let down by my mother my whole life. She’s barely been a part of it, even though she’s always been there. I’ve always resented her for being such a bad parent to me, so how could I justify being the worst parent imaginable to my own child?

“Mostly I don’t know how I’m going to afford anything. I mean, I’ll have to get another job⁠—“

“Slow down. You’re so far away from that stage. But you know you have options, right? I mean… there’s the father…” She trails off, studying me.

I rub my face with both hands. “I don’t think that’s happening.”

“You didn’t get yourself pregnant, you know. He’s got responsibility here too.”

“Right, but seriously, Nadia, if I go to him, it’s going to ruin everything.”

“How? You don’t know that. He might step up and do the right thing.”

“Like what, marry me?”

“No, like be in this baby’s life, help pay for things, take two weeks of every month, that sort of shit. You don’t have to be in love to be good co-parents, right? People make it work all the time. You can do that too.”

That’s the first thing she’s said so far that helps. Because she’s right, people really do make this situation work.

“I’d have to tell him first, but I don’t think I can.”

“Who is it? I’ll help, I swear.”

“Nadia…”

“There’s no judgement. You just got out of a serious relationship. A little rebound sex is practically mandatory.” She hesitates, nudging me with her hip. “You do know his name, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know his name.”

“And you can contact him?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Then tell him. You have to tell him. Because maybe he can help, and maybe⁠—“

“Nadia, it’s Connor Maguire.”

She stops talking. Her jaw drops and she pulls away from me, her eyes wide with shock. A smile starts to cross her lips. “Big Boss? You’re joking, right? Seriously, Angie⁠—“

I lower my head to the table and groan. “I’m not joking,” I say, and I tell her the whole story, from the email to getting called into his office, but I leave out most of the steamy details. When I’m finished, she’s chugging her drink and looking at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” she says, fanning herself.

“It’s not funny!”