Page 23 of Dirty Legacy

Holding this inside has been a living hell ever since I found out.

“I took a test,” I announce, slipping my hand into my work bag and finding the paper-towel wrapped bundle.

“Really? What kind? Is that why you’ve been so weird lately?” She brightens and raises her glass. “You got your diagnosis, didn’t you?!”

I pause, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“ADHD? Right? That’s why you’re always…” She trails off, face falling. “Oh, shit. That’s not it.”

“We’ll talk about that later.” I want to vomit but I can’t get distracted. If I let her knock me off course, I won’t ever find the courage to say it out loud.

I place the small bundle down on the table between us.

“What’s that?” She puts her glass down, all humor gone as I unwrap it. “Angie? What am I looking at right now and why do I hate it?”

“I took this a few nights ago. Actually, I took like four of them. And they all say the same thing.”

“This isn’t funny.”

“I’m pregnant, Nadia. I’m really, really, really freaking pregnant, and I don’t know what to do.”

Silence falls on the table. The room buzzes around us. Other young professionals are out with their friends and peers, laughing, clinking glasses, talking loudly about earnings calls and reports, while in our little bubble, it’s like my world is coming to an end.

Pregnant.

I can’t believe this is happening. I shouldn’t be so stunned—but it’s like I always imagined other girls ended up in this situation, not me. I’ve always been safe, careful, to the point of being overly strict. Me and Brad never once had sex without a condom, not even a little bit, not even the tip, not even when he begged and acted like a total fucking baby about it.

“I have to ask, and please don’t be mad, but—“ Nadia leans closer. “Is Brad the father?”

I lower my chin, blinking away tears, and shake my head. “It’s not him.”

“Oh, thank fucking Christ.” She lets out a relieved groan and laughs awkwardly. “God, I was terrified you were carrying that halfwit moron’s child and I was going to have to pretend like the baby’s cute and smart when really it’ll probably be ugly and dumb⁠—“

“Nadia!”

“Okay, sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous. Just, holy shit, Angie. You’re pregnant. Do you… do you know…”

I put my face in my hands. “You won’t believe it.”

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” She comes around the table and slides onto my side of the booth. Her arms wrap around me and she hugs me tight. “I know this is hard, but you’re going to be okay, I swear.”

That finally breaks me. I sob against my friend’s shoulder, feeling like an idiot doing this in public. I hoped that telling her around people would keep me from losing my shit, but nope, clearly that was wrong.

How did this happen? That’s what I keep thinking, over and over again. How? How? When I’ve tried so hard to do everything right. I did my best in school, kept out of trouble, got a job, struggled to keep my mother afloat. I’ve sacrificed so much over the years, and I make one mistake, one stupid mistake with my gorgeous, nightmare of a boss, and this happens.

“I’m going to end up like my mother,” I whisper, getting myself under control. People are watching now and I don’t want to draw more attention than I already have. I force myself to smile and wipe my face with a napkin, dabbing to avoid smearing my makeup. “No, I’m going to be worse. She’s a stoned hippie. I’m a child having a baby.”

“You are nothing like your mother, Angie, and you know it. Don’t do that to yourself.” Nadia takes my hand tightly between hers. “You’re going to be okay, you know that? My cousin went through this a while back.”

I perk up. “Really? She did?”

“She was twenty, made a mistake, got pregnant. We talked a lot about it and I went to the clinic with her⁠—“

I jerk away as if burned. I don’t know why and I hate the way Nadia looks at me like I slapped her, but those words, the clinic, they’re seared into my brain. I shake my head rapidly, hugging myself tightly, on the edge of melting down for a second time.

“I’m not doing that.”

Nadia puts a hand on my shoulder. “Whatever you want. I’m not pressuring you into anything. I’m just saying, when she found out, she was destroyed. But the clinic was amazing, she said the procedure wasn’t a huge deal, and now⁠—“