Page 75 of The Beastly Earl

"Dougal reacted with a fury I'd never witnessed in him before. He told Elspeth he would see her in hell first, and that he would divorce her the moment they returned to Argaty Keep. That cold, malicious smile of hers was born that day. She simply replied that even if he succeeded in securing a divorce, it would be Gilbert who would become master of Argaty Keep, not you.

"I was the first to agree to her demands. Even if Gilbert defied the doctor's prediction and lived, it was doubtful he would ever be capable of being master of Argaty. As agonizing as it was to enter into such a devilish pact, I convinced Dougal it was for the best, not just for you, but for him as well.

"Elspeth held true to her word and told the world you were hers reminding us of her threat if we broke any of her conditions. Even though I couldn't speak to Dougal in private, I could see the anger and frustration in his eyes every time Elspeth tormented him with her threats. This went on for several months after our return to Argaty Keep until Dougal eliminated her threat to expose what we'd all agreed to.

"Without mentioning it to anyone, he arranged for you to be baptized. He knew Elspeth would not be able to avoid adding her name to the birth registry. It was a legal and public declaration that you were her son. My sister was livid, but she knew her leverage over Dougal was gone. She could divorce him, but she wouldn't be able to say you weren't her son.

"At this point, Dougal hated Elspeth as much as she loathed him. It wasn't a secret among the staff, and no one questioned our riding out onto the moors with you sitting in front of Dougal. I refused to give myself to him again, and he eventually accepted my decision. But those hours we spent out on the moors with you were happy ones.

"Then the accident happened. You had been sick, and we decided to go riding without you. We were racing each other when the girth on Dougal's saddle broke and he was thrown from his horse. He died in my arms.

Wallis drew in a sharp breath, and the anguish on her face was one he understood too well. It was the same depth of pain he'd been facing since the moment Louisa climbed into her brother's carriage. Before he could interrupt her, his mother continued sharing her story.

"Elspeth gloated in private over Dougal's death. It was then I began to suspect she was responsible for his death. Although the girth didn't appear to have been deliberately cut, Elspeth had hired the stable hand who'd saddled Dougal's horse only the week before the accident. She and Dougal had argued about her interference with the stable, but after a few harsh words the matter was dropped. When the groom gave his notice a few days later I confronted Elspeth about it. She simply laughed saying even if my suspicions were true, I could never prove it.

"It was only a few days later that Elspeth began her true plan of revenge. I found her bullying you over some small infraction, and I chastised her for her behavior. She immediately threatened to send me away from Argaty Keep if I challenged her authority to discipline her son. I knew then I had nothing to fight her with. Her name was on the baptism registry, which would have made it impossible for me to establish any claim I was your mother as your father was the only one who could confirm the truth of what had happened."

Wallis stopped speaking, and a glance in his mother's direction confirmed his suspicion she was struggling to maintain her composure. As if aware of his scrutiny, she clasped her hands in front of her and stared down at her lap. Silence hung in the air between them, and Ewan swallowed hard as his mother turned her head toward him.

"You were too young to hear the truth when your father died. It wasn't simply the legal fight I knew I would face trying to take you away from the keep. I'd just lost your father, and the thought of losing you as well was unbearable. So I convinced myself that by remaining silent I could stay at Argaty Keep and shield you from Elspeth's cruelty. Even in that respect I failed you."

"You shielded me on numerous occasions," Ewan said quietly as he remembered all the times she'd wiped the tears from his cheeks while tenderly soothing him with quiet words of love.

"But it wasn't enough. I'll always bear the weight of knowing how different your childhood would have been if I'd allowed Dougal to divorce Elspeth as he'd wanted from the beginning rather than the devil's bargain I entered into."

It was obvious his mother was struggling to speak while holding back her tears, but she didn't reach out to him. Her hands remained clasped in her lap before she met his gaze steadily.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, nor do I expect it of you. But you deserved to know the whole truth."

Her last sentence was little more than a whisper. It emphasized the pain she'd lived with for so many years, not just from her own choices, but at the hand of her sister's malicious manipulation and hatred as well. Ewan wanted to reach out to take her hand, but he was suddenly feeling awkward again.

Over the past few days, he'd come to accept the reality of his parentage. With that acceptance had come the realization of just how deep his affection was for Wallis MacCullaich. Although his fury at being lied to had begun to dissipate over the past few days, it had been eased even more by his mother's explanation as to the events that led them to where they were now.

It was difficult not to feel empathy for his parents' forbidden love and their eventual betrayal of Elspeth. He wasn't certain he could have done any differently if he'd been placed in the same situation where Louisa was concerned. His mother had sacrificed a great deal—not just for his father, but for him as well.

It also answered every question he'd ever had as to why she'd willingly subjected herself to the cruelty her sister had inflicted on her. Over the years, Wallis MacCullaich had paid her penance more than once for betraying her sister. She leaned forward and tipped her head to more easily meet his gaze.

"You are Dougal Colquhoun's son, Ewan. He wanted to ensure your birthright in the only way he knew how. What he did wasn't simply because you were the heir he wanted. It was because you were the embodiment of our love for each other," Wallis said with a fervency that emphasized her belief in what she was saying. "He loved you before you were born, Ewan. We both did. If either of us had realized how dearly you'd pay for our mistakes, we would have charted a different course. Please believe that."

"I cannot judge you or my father for making choices you thought were in my best interest," Ewan said softly. At his reply, Wallis paled slightly as an earnest look crossed her face.

"Then don't let her win, Ewan. Don't let Elspeth take Argaty Keep from you as she did your childhood, and God knows she made you pay a high price."

Ewan shoved his hand through his hair as his mother pleaded with him to do as she asked. Rising from his chair, he walked across the room to stare out the window. The light was beginning to fade, and the moors were beginning to take on the purple shroud of darkness. It was hauntingly beautiful, and if he listened to his mother, he didn't have to give it up.

But could he live a lie? The irony of the question wasn't lost on him. For years he'd been doing just that. His newfound knowledge of the truth didn't change how others saw him. To everyone outside of this room, he was the Earl of Argaty. Other than his word and that of Wallis MacCullaich, there was no evidence to prove the life he led was based on a falsehood.

Elspeth's signature on his baptism record was a legal confirmation impossible to repudiate. The law and the church would never see him as anyone other than the issue of Dougal and Elspeth Colquhoun. Any claims he might make regarding his illegitimacy would be met with disbelief. People would ask why Elspeth had claimed a child that wasn't hers.

The answer to that question would open his mother to public condemnation or denouncement. That he couldn't allow. Unconsciously, that very thought had been in the back of his mind as he'd made his plans to leave Argaty Keep. He'd instinctively known any public declaration of his illegitimacy meant revealing Wallis MacCullaich was his real mother. The silence in the room ended as Wallis released a sigh.

"Have you considered what will happen to Ross? Do you intend to tell the boy the truth about your lineage as well as his own? Do you intend to destroy his childhood in a manner similar to the way Elspeth destroyed yours?"

The question made him jerk his head up in anger. He had no intention of hurting Ross. That his mother might even suggest it offended him, and Ewan directed a scowl at her over his shoulder. His silent reply made her wince slightly, but he saw her understanding as well. Ewan turned away again as he tried to contemplate how all of this would affect the boy. He'd thought nothing about the child's future other than to ensure the rest of his childhood was the happy one he knew Louisa could give him. An instant later, he jumped as his mother touched his arm.

"Ewan, it is one thing to deny yourself happiness, but do you care so little for her that you're willing to sacrifice her happiness too?"

"What do you mean?" Ewan's voice was harsh as every muscle in his body became as taut as a bow ready to launch a volley of arrows.