Page 5 of Yes Now Yes Forever

“That’s right,” Mother said with a quivering smile as tears ran down her face. “They were all I have left of them, but even this small comfort has been taken from me. When I missed them, all I had to do was brush my fingers over them, and I knew in my heart that they were okay. Now I feel nothing but pain and sadness so why bother keeping them?”

Spinning on her heel, Mother faced the full-length mirror in her room and raked her nails over the marked skin. Instantly, I dropped Lammy and ran toward my mother, desperate to stop her from hurting herself even more.

“Lyra,” Eli barked, giving me a slight shake.

Instantly, I was yanked out of the memory by the commanding bite of power he’d used. Still slightly disoriented, the shock caused me to whine, and I shrank away, knowing I’d made my Alpha mad.

“I’m sorry,” I cried as Eli scooped me up. “I didn’t mean to be bad. I’m so sorry, Alpha. Please forgive me.”

“Shh, my perfect petal,” Eli soothed as he settled us both on my bed and stroked my hair. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. I’m the one at fault for not controlling myself and handling you rougher than I should have. When your legs gave out and you didn’t respond right away, I thought I hurt you or possibly triggered a panic⁠—”

“No,” I blurted, cutting him off. “Eli, it had nothing to do with you at all,” I said vehemently, then rolled so my face was buried against his chest.

Somehow, I’d caused my self-assured Alpha to doubt his actions. “It was a dizzy spell, that’s all,” I explained, my voice muffled by his body.

Part of me felt a little bad not telling him the whole truth, but I didn’t know what to make of this lost memory that surfaced. Thank God I had my session with Dr. Mann tomorrow so she could help me make sense of what was happening.

After a moment, Eli urged me back so he could see my face, refusing to let me hide from him. His fingers gently traced along the side of my face as he searched my gaze. “Tell me, petal, do these dizzy spells happen often?”

“Not often, typically, they only happen when I’m adjusting to a new dose of certain medication, like my antidepressant,” I answered. “They tend to stop once my body adjusts, which usually takes around a week, sometimes a little longer.”

“You didn’t mention this to Dr. Mann,” Eli stated. “Why?”

“Because it’s nothing new,” I replied. “It’s an extremely common side effect with medication that messes with your brain chemistry. All medication has its pros and cons, but so far, this is the only challenge I face, and it’s short-lived. Unless I don’t get enough sleep, then the dizziness comes back sometimes. Despite that, the last thing I want is to switch to a whole new drug and be left wondering what to expect.”

Eli didn’t look convinced but didn’t push the matter further as he combed his fingers through my hair. “In the future, it might be helpful for you to share with us what side effects are common for you so we know if something isn’t right. It would also help your Alphas from overreacting like I just did.”

Guilt churned in the pit of my stomach as I realized he was right. My pack were the last people who should be in the dark about my health. Once again, these men proved to me how flawed my previous pack had been. While they all respected my issues and never stood in the way of what was best for me, none of them offered their support. They didn’t want to know the extent of my struggles or be forced to change their lives in order to help me.

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I’ll work on writing down any and all medication I take, along with any issues I might have from taking it.”

Eli hummed in approval and kissed me sweetly before sitting up. “Thank you, petal.”

Rising to his feet, Eli headed for the door but paused to look back at me with a grin. “Oh, and so you don’t think I’m being an overbearing asshole with just you, feel free to ask my sister what it was like growing up with me as a brother.”

I chuckled at the mental image of him standing over his sister’s shoulder as she wrote everything down he wanted to know, ensuring she didn’t miss anything. The soft snick of the door told me I was finally alone, and the smile on my lips faded, as did the mask I’d been wearing so my pack would believe I was handling everything just fine.

It wasn’t that I was trying to pull away from them or that I didn’t want their help. The simple fact of the matter was that no one could take away the nightmares and memories that plagued me. They were worse at night but could also appear if something triggered a memory. I was thankful one of the side effects I had was how drowsy one of my medications made me which helped with sleeping. Unfortunately, that only lasted a few days, but as luck would have it, the hospital encouraged me to take a sleep aid every night, which helped to keep the worst of it at bay.

Now that I was home and didn’t have any sleep aids and my body had adjusted to the medication, I wasn’t sure what to do. This wasn’t a new problem, but it had been manageable for the past couple of years. Previously, when I’d struggled with nightmares, I would be lost in a rainstorm desperately searching for my mother as she cried out for me, but no matter what, I could never find her.

Last night, my dreams had started out normally, but then I was dragged into a car against my will. No matter how I fought against the inky black arms, I knew I couldn’t win. Once locked inside the car, the scenery changed to be like that night my world shattered again. My mother appeared behind the wheel, smiling sadly at me as the rain beat down on the car. The wipers struggled against the downpour, hardly able to keep up, making it impossible to see anything.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Mother said and reached over to grasp my hand. Her normally vibrant green eyes were utterly void of life as she smiled. “Just hang in a little longer, we’re almost there.”

“Almost where?” I asked, panic making my voice sound shrill even to my own ears.

“Silly girl, how could you forget?” Mother chided and turned off the wipers. “We’re going to join your fathers. They've been waiting for me long enough. Won’t it be wonderful for us all to be a family again? No one will ever be able to separate us again.”

Seconds after this proclamation, I was assaulted by the sound of blaring horns and screeching tires. Then as if a switch had been flipped, I was sucked into a void where I was left floating utterly alone, abandoned for good with no hope of rescue.

I’d woken with a start, my heart raced, and I was drenched in sweat.

Thankfully, I didn’t wake Fawn, who’d slept with me the previous night. I could only imagine what it would have been like for him to feel the brunt of my fear again through our bond. After splashing some water on my face, I took a moment to sort out what happened. That’s when I realized these were most likely memories I’d lost after the accident. With the truth behind my mother’s intentions coming to light, it was as if my brain decided it couldn’t keep the information hidden any longer and dumped it into my lap.

Laying here alone with my thoughts, I grabbed Lammy, clutched her to my chest, and curled up in the nest of pillows on my bed. The hardest thing to face was feeling like I was back at square one, and all the work I’d done since that fateful day had been a waste.

Would this one moment in my life haunt me forever?