Page 42 of Knot Now Knot Ever

I took a deep breath, relieved it was an easy answer. “They found their Omega. Who knew they’d stumble upon her working at a company we’d just signed a contract to work with? Once they realized the connection, I was asked to pack up and leave. Thankfully, my best friend, Elora, lives in the same town, and I stayed there while I figured out what to do next.”

“Just like that?” Zachary demanded, chucking a pillow at the couch. “How dare they treat someone they claimed to love that way. God, that would be like me telling Tanner to kick rocks just because he wasn’t matched to Fawn. Did it make it easier because he is bonded to Fawn as well? Sure, but I have no doubt we would have figured out a way to make it work regardless.”

I understood Zachary’s reaction since it had been the first thing that popped into my head. However, now that I’d experienced what it was like to meet my matches, I could see the situation through their eyes.

“It’s not that simple, Zachary,” I argued. “Look, I’m not defending them or trying to make excuses. I was devastated by their choice. That being said, I do believe it’s different when it comes to relationships between Alphas and Omegas versus any other. Betas can freely choose who to love, not bound to the matching system. Alphas can love more than just their Omega, but no matter what, their instincts will drive the need to put the Omega first. Any threat or danger to that bond won’t be tolerated. To my old pack, I was seen as a reminder that they hadn’t been looking for their Omega and only picked a different one to make a family with. You’re upset right now because I’m your Omega, a person to protect and cherish always.”

Zachary didn’t look convinced by my argument, but his anger seemed to settle. “I suppose you’re right,” he muttered. “It just blows my mind they’d kick you out like that.”

“Thank fuck they did,” Fawn announced as he flopped onto the couch across from us. “In fact, I’d like to send them a present.”

Pascal nearly choked on his tongue at Fawn’s declaration. “What? You can’t be serious.”

“Damn straight,” Fawn said, nodding fiercely, causing his cotton candy pink curls to land in his face. He flicked his hair to the side and sat up straight. “Did our sweet angel deserve to be dumped like that and kicked out of her home? No. Would we have ever found her if they didn’t?” Fawn paused, giving all our Alphas a rather dramatic yet questioning look, but none of them answered. “That’s what I thought, so let’s not piss karma off while we’re in its good graces.”

The guys muttered their acceptance of the situation, but they were not happy about it. I had to cover my mouth to stifle the laughter fighting to come out at their sullen expressions. It wasn’t like I was going to leave, nor would there be any chance they’d meet my old pack. That chapter of my life was over, the page turned, and a new story was being formed.

Tanner finally joined us, lifting Fawn so his lap would be Fawn’s pillow. I watched as Fawn’s eyes fluttered closed when Tanner started to massage his Omega’s scalp. “Oh fuck.” Fawn moaned. “I don’t know if I can orgasm from this, but I’m willing to give it a go.”

A mischievous smile grew on Tanner’s face before leaning down to whisper something in Fawn’s ear. The Omega’s eyes snapped open as he gasped, then twisted and slammed his lips to Tanner’s. I thought it might make me feel a little awkward to watch men I craved like a drug being intimate with Fawn. Yet here I was, smiling and feeling this sense of warmth as two people I was beginning to truly care about reveled in their love for each other. However, when Tanner pulled back and offered two glistening cum-covered fingers for Fawn to suck on, I looked away. My reaction had nothing to do with disgust or embarrassment but an overwhelming desire to snatch Tanner’s hand and clean those fingers off myself.

Holy fuck, I might not last another two weeks before going into heat if my reaction was that strong.

“Lyra,” Eli snapped.

Shaking my head, I tried to clear the hormone-driven thoughts I was lost in. Once I was thinking straight again, I realized why Eli sounded upset—I was perfuming again.

“I’m so sorry,” I blurted, trying to roll off the chaise but was stopped as thick arms yanked me back.

“Easy, Lyra, take a breath. You’re fine,” Zachary instructed, his tone calm and soothing. “If anyone should walk away to clear their head, it’s Eli.”

As if taking the not-so-subtle hint, Eli got up and stood behind the couch so there was a barrier between us, but he could still see me. I saw his knuckles whiten as he gripped the couch frame, forcing himself to stay where he was.

“That, honey bear, is the look of an Alpha holding onto his control by mere threads. To be clear, it’s not your fault he’s like this. Somehow, he’s held off going into rut for a very long time. Just like Omegas should have a heat at least once a year to stay healthy, it’s the same for Alphas and ruts,” Zachary explained, his beard tickling my neck as he spoke in a low voice.

It took a second for what Zachary was saying to register in my anxiety-induced panic, but once it did, I was able to take a deep breath.

“Good girl, take another breath and just relax. We’ve got you,” he praised, kissing my temple as I sank against him. “I think we need to talk about your upcoming heat, but we don’t have to do that now.”

I nodded, agreeing we needed to come up with a plan. It’s not like I could call up my heat buddies who got me through college before moving in with my old pack now that I found my matches.

“Starlight, can I ask you something?” Tanner inquired, a nervous look on his face.

“Any of you can ask me anything,” I answered. “I only ask if it’s a topic I might struggle with, you’ll let me answer when I can. This isn’t me trying to keep secrets or not wanting to share my thoughts. It’s only that some topics are hard to navigate without triggering memories that send me back to those dark days.”

“That’s fair, and none of us would want that to happen,” Tanner assured me and pulled off his hat to roll the brim between his hands. “Back in Fawn’s room, you mentioned something about a surgery and it affecting your heats…” His words trailed off as if he wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to know.

I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down at the blanket where I was twining the tassel around my finger. “Two years ago, I decided I wasn’t going to have kids. While cut short, my childhood was wonderful, and I’m blessed to say that when so many can’t. Growing up, my parents didn’t hide how difficult it was for them to conceive, and once a year on Mother’s Day, we’d go visit my two older siblings. They were stillborn but loved by my parents as much as they loved me. One way they showed it was making sure I knew where Ryan and Tina were laid to rest, along with celebrating our mom together.”

I paused, sniffing back tears, remembering the pictures I’d seen of my parents holding my brother and sister. Zachary shifted so I was now seated between his legs. He gently rubbed my back, giving me space to feel my feelings and let me know I wasn’t alone.

“After losing the rest of my family and ending up on my own, I struggled with the idea of having my own kids. What if something happened to me, and I forced them to live a lonely life? Another thing I struggle with to this day is how cruel and jaded my mother became after losing my fathers. I fully understand losing your bonded Alphas is like having both your arms cut off, but she wasn’t the only one they left behind. My fathers were my heroes. I loved them with all my heart, and at that young age, I didn’t know how to process my grief. It wasn’t until I started therapy that I came to understand how selfish grief makes you and how my mother lashing out was part of that. It doesn’t make it easier to heal from the things that were said, but understanding the why keeps me from blaming myself,” I continued.

“After college was when I knew for sure I didn’t want kids. That choice was further confirmed when I found out that, like my mother, getting pregnant would be challenging for me. This wasn’t the main reason but one of many. My doctor encouraged me to use long-term birth control before making a permanent change just to be sure. Things with my previous pack hadn’t settled into anything official yet, so I agreed.” Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, not wanting to see their reaction to my choice. “Two years passed, and I still felt firm in my choice not to have children, so I had my tubes removed.”

The room was silent, but I didn’t feel any anger or tension in the quiet, so I slowly opened my eyes. Fawn was now standing before me with a look of understanding and a warm smile. He reached out a hand, and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet and right into a hug. The scent of strawberries and sweet cream wrapped around me as I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. I think it took us both by surprise when he started to purr, causing it to abruptly stop, but when I hugged him tighter, the soft rumble started again.

“Angel,” Fawn said after a moment, pulling back so he could see my face. “In this family, we believe that the only person who can decide what is best for you and your body is yourself. I understand why you’d be reluctant to tell anyone about this since Omegas have always been viewed as optimal breeders, but none of us will ever think less of you for this choice. I do have one question, though. Would you be open to kids if I had them?”