Page 28 of Revenge & Truth

She pulled back enough to look me in the eye. “Just like that.”

“Just like what?”

“Right here, right now, you would give me a vow, oath, promise to never leave me without hesitation?” Her bewilderment was easy to hear in her voice.

I pressed a kiss to her lips, tucking her close to me again, craving touch for the first time in my life. There was no one else but Astin. How could another being on this planet make me want things I’ve never experienced before? Touch felt like sandpaper overwhelming my sensors, conversations were exhausting, and I hated wasting time doing something that wouldn’t further my skills or challenge my mind. However, none of that was true when it came to the woman in my arms.

“What is there to hesitate about when I know there won’t be anything worth leaving you for?” I murmured against her lips. “My mother used to tell me about my father and how similar we were in our mannerisms, intelligence, and decisiveness. She told me they had only dated six months before he proposed, telling her he’d found the person he wanted to spend his life with. Of course, my mother thought he was crazy and told him he couldn’t know that, so she turned him down. Every day for a week, my father proposed to her every four hours until she said yes. They were married for five years before he was sent overseas and killed. Yet, my mother was convinced they’d be married until they were old and gray because my father would do anything possible to show how much he loved her.”

Thinking of my mother and our last conversation made my heart ache. I took a slow, deep breath when my chest got tight and let it out gradually, calming my emotions. Astin stroked my back, offering me comfort but didn’t push me to explain what was going on. She simply held me.

“Before she died,” I continued. “My mother looked me in the eye and said, ‘Atty, I have no doubt you’ll be like your father when it comes to love. When you meet that special person, you’ll have zero doubts because they won’t ever ask you to change. The right person will love you for exactly who you are, making you want to be a better version of yourself for them.’ She was right, just like she always was about matters like this.”

“Does that mean you’re proposing to me?” Astin questioned, her brows pinched in a display of worry.

“No, polyandry isn’t a legally recognized practice in our country,” I explained. “However, if it would help, I could call you every four hours to let you know I love you and haven’t left. Unless there’s another arrangement you’d prefer me to reassure you with.”

“How about once a day, but…” she said, pointing a finger at me, “… I want you to tell me how you truly feel, even if you’re upset or you no longer want to be with me. Promise?”

“I promise,” I answered, holding her gaze intently so she could feel how seriously I was taking this.

She nodded, giving me the acknowledgment I was looking for before kissing her.

eleven

Those two words were all I needed to hear for me to slam the door on my brain, telling me I was going to kill Atticus if I kept him close. As the man told me, he was the only person who could decide what he did with his life. I gave him the out, something a person in his position would never get once completing the oath ceremony. None of that mattered to me, and I’d handle whatever fallout there was if he chose that route.

Instead, here I was, making out with Atticus after he confessed he loved me. If this went where I hoped it would in the next five minutes, I wouldn’t be able to let him walk away from me—ever. I thought I knew how deep my feelings were for him, but I was totally fucking wrong. It blew my mind hearing how much I meant to him and how he sees me.

“Astin.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m aware you and Ryker had copious amounts of sex last night and this morning, so I imagine your vagina might be sore,” Atticus shared, making me question where the hell this conversation was going. “Knowing this, I think anal might be a wiser choice. That is if you’re comfortable with anal. I know some women don’t enjoy it, but I’m rather skilled at preparation, which is where most men fail. If you’d rath—”

“Shh,” I ordered, placing a finger on his lips. “I like your plan, and just as a side note, I’m a woman who absolutely enjoys anal.”

Dropping my hand to his shoulder, I used it to shove off the robe so it fell in a heap on the floor. All my lieutenants are expected to keep up their physical condition, and Atticus was fit and healthy, but I rather loved he wasn’t chiseled. It was simply another way that Atticus was an authentic person, not fueled by societal expectations that so many were trapped in. The slight squish made him the ultimate cuddle buddy. However, that moment would have to wait because I did find one thing hard and ribbed that I wanted to shower in attention.

I yanked my shirt over my head, leaving my top half bare before kneeling. Starting at his ankles, I slowly worked my hands up his legs, reaching around the back to grab handfuls of his ass. Atticus sucked in a sharp breath as I kissed the tip of his cock. With a smile, I looked up at him then licked him from balls to tip, causing his hips buck at the feel.

“How much recovery time do you need after coming?” I asked, kissing and nipping at his hips, watching as his cock bounced excitedly.

“Fifteen minutes,” Atticus managed to get out between gritted teeth.

“Excellent,” I said, then, without warning, swallowed him down.

Atticus’ hand shot out, fisting my hair as a growl mixed with a groan burst from him. It made me hum with delight, which earned me a cock thrust down my throat so deep, I kissed the base. The second he realized what he’d done, Atticus pulled back, causing his cock to pop out of my mouth.

“I’m so sorry, Astin, I didn’t mean to choke you like that,” he apologized, wiping away the tears from my watering eyes. “It’s been months since my last sexual encounter, making me far more sensitive.”

Unable to stop myself, laughter bubbled up out of me, shocking Atticus. “I’m sorry, it’s not you.” I gasped, realizing he might think I’m laughing at him.

After a minute, I was able to get myself under control and stood before explaining myself. “You might not want to hear about my past encounters, as you called it, but you are the first man to ever apologize for shoving his dick down my throat. Earlier, you asked me why I thought you were a pure soul? It’s moments like this where you are genuinely upset and concerned for me that makes me love you more.”

“I will admit I haven’t let many women give me oral pleasure. Most of the time, they seek me out because of my skills in giving them many orgasms before I take my own pleasure. The few times I did let someone do that, they could only manage half my penis before gagging. When I realized I’d thrust the whole damn thing into your mouth, I panicked. Now that I take a moment to process this scenario, you didn’t gag.”

A smirk tugged at my lips as I motioned for him to move to the bed. “Was I surprised when it happened? Yes. Is this the first time I’ve deepthroated a cock? No, not even close. I’d have gotten there eventually once I got into a good rhythm, but you just sped things along. We’re going to try this again, but I want you to lay on your back so I can give you something to do while I’m sucking your cock.”