Page 18 of Knot All Is Ruined: Part 2

Chapter eight

This was making my brain hurt, and I wasn’t really following his train of thought. “Wait, are you saying my body is going into heat because I’m with the right men? That I was waiting for Lucian to join the pack before my body decided it was time to start a family?”

“That’s a rather crude way of putting it, although possible,” Cris answered. “Dani, millions of mammals in the world refuse to allow their body to gestate if they’re in danger, malnourished or stressed to the point it would be dangerous to carry a child. You could indeed have been an Omega who came into their heat late but think about where you’ve been since then. Compounding that with your core belief that you can’t go into heat, it doesn’t shock me at all that it hasn't happened. The other thing that changed is you’re now bonded. That could have also been a trigger for your body, indicating it was safe.”

Standing from the table, I grasped my head rubbing my temples as I paced the length of the cabin. “This can’t be happening, not now. We need to make it stop. I'm not ready for this to happen with all of you. Fucking hell, how is it my life just can’t be easy? Why, when I finally have a glimpse of the life I want, does something else need to complicate things?”

Petru stepped in my path and caught me by the shoulder, halting my movement. “Wildflower, you need to just take a deep breath. Come, do it with me.” Petru then took in a long breath through his nose, held it for a second then let it out. “Dani, this wasn’t a suggestion. I expect you to follow my lead this next breath.”

Together Petru and I breathed in and out three times until my heart rate started to slow and my mind ceased to race. I’d accepted the fact I wasn’t going to have heats, bear a child, and have a family in that sense. In a way, it had given me peace that I would never have to worry about my baby growing up in a world so full of hate and oppression. Now there was a possibility that might all change. If I did, in fact, go into heat, the only way to manage it was to drug myself into a stupor, so I didn’t feel the pain of needing to be knotted. There was no way I would let any of them knot me at a time when a child could be born. Not until I knew we’d created a world my child could grow up in and be safe.

“Wildflower,” Petru murmured, drawing my attention back to him. His eyes were so full of compassion and sorrow, as if he understood what I was thinking or feeling. “Did you know that I was left to raise my brother and two cousins on my own since I was thirteen?”

“I’ve heard bits and pieces from others, though I didn’t know you were so young,” I answered.

He hummed his understanding and wrapped an arm around me, guiding me over to the couch. Taking a seat, he placed his hands on my hips and gave me a questioning look before tugging me down to sit on his lap. Tucking my head under his chin, I took a deep calming breath as he wrapped his arms around me.

“My father was a contracted worker for the Southern Military in drone operations. He worked for the company that built the drones and would travel to various locations and services them. It was discovered that he was passing on information to the Northern Army on how to avoid detection. My father maintained his innocence till the day he died, saying it was someone else in the company, but no one would listen. You see, my grandmother had been an Omega who was rescued just after giving birth to my father. Even though he never knew anything but the Southern way of life, he’d always been labeled as a Northerner,” Petru shared, letting his fingers run up and down my arm as he spoke, soothing himself as well as me.

“The trial they had for him was nothing but a sham. They’d already decided he was guilty long before then. Once he was killed, and our family was labeled traitors, my mother struggled to find work. No one would let her near anything they felt would be compromised because how could a wife not know what her husband was doing. After a time, it became too much for her so she took her own life, leaving me with my eight-year-old brother and my two cousins, ages ten and six, to look after. Thankfully our country has a system that allows us to stay together in a small apartment with a food ration allowance since I was thirteen. We all had to attend school and choose a trade to go into as part of the agreement for this care. So as soon as I was of age, I joined the military knowing they would give the best benefits to family members.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering why the hell I’m telling you this story when our situations are entirely different. I just wanted you to understand that I fully comprehend what it means to be responsible for others' well-being. At thirteen, I didn’t have a fucking clue how to look after anyone other than myself, but I had to learn. Three people were counting on me to ensure they were clothed, fed, warm, and safe in life which was a heavy burden. My brother didn’t like that I joined the military since they were the ones to bring the claim about my father to the authorities. It wasn’t my first choice either, but I knew I was doing what was best for my family in the long run. Rene, my little brother, still to this day won’t forgive me, and he may never. I find comfort in that he now has a good job working as a teacher, has his own home with three others he loves, and has a family. Out of anyone here in this room, I understand the gravity of what it means for you to go into heat. It is the body's way of creating the best environment to conceive, which I get the feeling you do not want right now.” Petru commented.

Pushing against his chest so I could sit up to see his face, I nodded. “I’d already accepted that I wouldn’t have children. Now if that changes, I still don’t know if I can do it. Who would want to raise a child in a world like this?”

“If you do not want children, then that is your right,” Victor interjected. “It doesn’t matter if you biologically have the ability to or not. It’s your choice, Danella, one that I certainly won’t make for you.”

“He’s right. If you truly don’t want children, then there are things we can do to make sure it never happens. I know that doesn’t help you right now, but once you have a heat the shot will work to prevent another occurrence until you’ve made a choice for the long term.”

I looked at them all in shock. “Are you saying that if I choose to never have a child, you’d all be okay with that?”

Lucian shrugged. “Dani, I’ve already told you I never wanted to have a child. There was no way I’d ever force the fate of my people on my own offspring. I barely survived it. Why in the hell would I wish it on anyone else?”

“Truthfully, I wasn’t sure we’d ever find an Omega for our pack, and the two people I love are men,” Toma pointed out. “Also, having a military career doesn’t create the best environment to have a child even if we adopted.”

My gaze fell on Sorin, who’d remained quiet throughout this conversation. His face was unreadable as he stood there leaning against the living room wall, watching me. He shoved off the partition and walked over to me, squatting so he was at eye level with me. Resting a hand on my leg, he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“When I was a boy, I got incredibly sick. The illness wasn’t something we’d ever encountered before. I was dying, and my father was desperate to do whatever was needed to help me live. They used an experimental drug that hadn’t been fully tested, but in the end, it saved my life. What we didn’t find out until later was the fact it left me sterilized. That's when building a unit of people I wanted to invest my life in became my sole focus. You and these men are my family, the people I choose to surround myself with and love. I knew that no matter what happened in the future when it came to an Omega within our pack, they wouldn’t be able to have my child. It took time to come to terms. A reality I didn’t see for my life, yet there are so many other joys and other ways to have a child in my life if my family wanted that. The choice is yours, Danella, and we as your pack and people who love and care about you, will support that. None of us are blind to the challenges and dangers of our world. Just know that if it ever did happen, that baby would be the most protected living thing on this planet,” Sorin said with a smirk. “Hell, you see how protective we are over you. Any child would be six times that with all of us together.”

Flinging my arms around Sorin’s neck, I hugged him tightly. Here was this proud exceptional leader, bearing his soul to me, sharing his weakness, and yet I don’t think I knew anyone I respected more because of it. He’d flayed himself open, showing me his true self under any mask or title, allowing me to see him.

“Thank you,” I whispered, then released him to look at the others. “You have all given me the greatest gift and I don’t think you even realize it. All my life, I’ve been told I’m good for one thing and one thing only, made to feel inferior because of being unable to go into heat. In fact, without Lucian protecting me, I would have been killed for it. Yet here, all of you are telling me that I’m just as important to you even if I never can give you a child.”

“People who believe that don’t know what it means to truly love someone,” Lucian pointed out. “My love for you, Danella, was born out of seeing you fight every day to be yourself, to never let the world change you into something you’re not. Plus, how can I say that I love you if there are conditions to it? That isn’t love, not real love.”

Hearing Lucian tell me he loved me hit like a punch to the gut every time. It just shocked me to hear the rawness of it in his voice, the emotions that backed it up, and the knowledge that he’d turned his back on his country to get to me proved his words with actions. Our relationship might have started under the worst situation imaginable, with everything stacked against us, but nothing would break us if we could find a way to carve out a place in this world.

“So what do we do now?” I questioned.

“You’ve stopped perfuming,” Toma informed me. “That makes me wonder if your body is trying to go into heat but doesn’t know how or if it’s building until it reaches the tipping point.”

“We have a week to remain here if we feel that is the right call,” Sorin reminded us. “I think while we have that time, we need to discuss this plan to take out the General. As I said before, the only way I see us being able to stay together and not get marked as traitors are to bring General Rasvan’s head and a peace treaty to my father and advisors.”

Just as everyone agreed to this conversation, my stomach let out a loud gurgle. Slapping my hands over my belly, I laughed. “Maybe we can take a second to eat something? With all that’s happened today, Lucian and I never got the chance to.”

The guys all smiled as Cris and Victor headed into the kitchen.

“While those two are pulling something together, this should tide you over,” Toma said, offering me a protein bar.