Page 33 of Blood & Heartache

“I don’t know how to start,” I answered honestly.

“Okay, then let me ask a question. Are you unhappy with things between us?” Jace asked, his dark blue eyes boring into mine as he waited for my answer.

“In a way, yes,” I said.

A flash of worry and maybe a hint of sadness flickered through his expression. “Do you want things to end between us?”

“No, just the opposite,” I blurted, realizing where his mind was going. “I want more, I need more between us. It’s my fault, and I know that. I’m the one who said I didn’t want a committed relationship. You have given me everything I asked for and didn’t deserve. Now I’m selfishly going to ask for more.”

Relief and joy bloomed in his expression as he smiled. “What does more mean to you? Tell me, tell me exactly what you want, Brax.”

He was right to use my name—this wasn’t a conversation between a submissive and their master. While I needed that from him to ground myself and chase away my anxiety, this needed to be discussed as lovers. Surging to my feet, I straddled him, just as I’d done to Astin when I expressed my needs. I wanted to be their only focus at that moment and be the only person they could see as I bared my soul to them.

“I want everything,” I whispered. “I want you to be mine as much as I’m yours in all aspects of our lives, not just when we get horny and needy for each other. What I want is to know that I’m welcome in your bed, in your heart, and in your life as your partner.”

Jace’s hand cupped my head as he slammed his lips to mine in another desperate kiss, but one full of joy and heat. Giving in to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body to his. I felt his hands slide from my face, down along my neck, and wrap around to scrape gently along my back. Moaning into his mouth, I ground my cock against his shirt-clad stomach. As much as I wanted to strip him out of his clothes right this second, I hadn’t finished telling him everything yet. Using a strength of will I didn’t know I had, I broke our kiss, leaning my forehead against his, both of us breathing heavily.

“As happy as I am to let you ravage me, there is one more thing I need to mention,” I murmured.

“Pretty sure there’s nothing you can tell me that could make me happier than I am right now,” Jace shared, stealing a quick kiss. “Go on, I’m listening.”

Needing a little more space between us, I sat back, leaving my hands to rest on his shoulders. “While I want to be yours, I can’t only be yours.”

“Brax, we’ve already discussed this,” Jace pointed out. “It doesn’t bother me if you still want to occasionally fuck around. Now I know with certainty that you’ll always be in my bed at the end of the night.”

“God, how are you so fucking comfortable with that after I just said I wanted us to be together?” I asked, surprised he’d still feel that way after I asked him to be my boyfriend. At least, I think that’s what I did, but his answer has me questioning that.

He gave me a soft smile the likes of which I’d never seen on his face before. “Because I love you, Braxton. You do what you need to for those you love to be happy, and I know that I can’t give you everything you need.”

My jaw dropped. “You love me?”

“Pretty sure that’s what I said, yeah,” Jace teased. “I knew you weren’t ready to hear it or even consider a committed relationship with me before now. So I kept that information to myself, but for the past year or so I haven’t slept with anyone but you. Others lost their appeal once I realized how I felt about you.”

It took me a beat to process that bomb, but it didn’t terrify me like I thought it would. Instead, it actually helped knowing how he truly felt about me, but he’d been wrong about one thing he said. “You mean others didn’t appeal to you until Astin.”

Jace let out a huff of laughter and rubbed his face with a hand. “Astin, that woman is something else. None of us were prepared for someone like her to come kicking down the door and planting herself in our lives. I won’t deny it, though. You were right there when we all agreed to be the ones she fucked in an attempt to keep her out of trouble.”

“Yes, I remember that, and let’s not forget about our steamy dance-floor moment,” I reminded. “That memory is burned into my brain, pressing her between us, listening to her come on your fingers. Fuck, just thinking about it has me ready to fucking explode.”

Jace’s hand wrapped around my cock, giving it a slight squeeze. “Was that what you still needed to tell me?”

My hips thrust up into his hand. “Fuck.” I bit out. “No, and yes.”

“Then you better get talking,” Jace urged as he wet his pointer finger and reached around to rub the slick digit against my asshole. “Unless you want me to make you come now so I can suck on your soft cock until you can get it back up. Or maybe I’ll fuck you until you have a dry orgasm. You do love those.”

The tip of his finger entered me, making my entire body shudder. “Whatever you want to do to me, I know I’ll enjoy it all.”

“Hmm… yes, I have learned your body well,” Jace agreed. “Now hurry up and tell me that you want Astin to be your other partner so I can move this to the bed.” He punctuated his point as his finger sank deeper into me, stroking that one spot that would make any man lose his mind.

I cried out and pushed back against his hand needing to feel it deeper. Jace spat into his other hand and started to stroke my cock achingly slowly with hardly any pressure. This had me moving my hips, trying to speed up the movement and work the finger in my ass. Unfortunately for me, one of Jace’s favorite things to do is edge me—getting me worked up and then leaving me right on the cusp of pleasure, denying my release.

“I… I want Astin.” I gasped, dropping my head on his shoulder.

“But there’s more.” Jace deduced.

“Yes, I want her to be my mistress, to let me serve her in whatever way she sees fit,” I managed to finally get out. “What I want… what I’ve needed is your control and discipline, but there was a part missing.”

Jace’s lips kissed along my shoulder and up my neck with a featherlight touch. “That’s why I didn’t mind you seeking out other partners. To be served the way you want to care for someone isn’t something that I need. It wouldn’t fulfill me, which in turn, wouldn’t give you the pleasure you’re seeking.”