Page 11 of Blood & Heartache

Was this why people said friendships were important? What frustrated me the most is there wasn’t a place I could go and research these questions. I just had to ask or gather more data as time went on with firsthand experience. This woman had been in our lives for just shy of three weeks and already caused so much change. Personally, though, I felt much of it was for the better.

“I’m just going to clean this up, put some ointment on it, and call it good for now. She can’t do any walking tomorrow. We got lucky today, but things are still too fresh for her to do that often,” Luca stated.

After Ryker put things back, he paused on his way out of the room to stare wistfully at Astin. I knew he loved Astin. He’d told us that much before she even arrived. What he hadn’t been expecting was for Astin to be so upset with him for lying to her about where he’d been and why he didn’t answer her letters. From what I’ve observed, he’s been trying to figure out this version of the woman he loves and trying to adjust. Things had been tense before the shooting, but we’d all seen her hold a gun to his head, ready to kill him without a second thought. That wasn’t a memory I’d want to have etched in my brain the way I’m sure it was for him. Time would tell if these two could figure out a way to restore those past feelings or if the two constants have changed too much to ever work out in the same equation.

“I’ll have my phone right next to me if anything changes,” Ryker informed us, not once taking his eyes off her. “She desperately needs sleep, or else the pressure of all this will make her crack.”

Luca shifted so he could lean against the wall at the head of the bed. “I don’t know if you’re giving her enough credit. From the sounds of it, they already broke her, but she managed to pull the pieces of herself back together into the queen we now have. I’d say that’s pretty fucking impressive.”

Ryker flicked his gaze to Luca. “It should never have come to that, and I refuse to ever let her push herself that hard again. I won’t risk her not being able to come back to me. That’s a life I don’t want to live.”

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t keep an eye on things and support her. We’re her fucking lieutenants, and it’s our sole purpose to be her eyes, ears, and hands when the time calls for it. What I’m trying to tell you is stop seeing the seventeen-year-old you left behind. That version of her died during that training, and you need to accept and appreciate who she is now,” Luca explained.

Out of all the men who were my fellow lieutenants, I used to think Luca and I were somewhat similar. Until Astin arrived, he was a man of few words and stood aloof, not feeling the need to be liked. Our biggest difference being he could socialize with the others well enough, but he didn’t need them. He was a man perfectly content to be on his own but occasionally chose to spend time with the others. Now that he’s sharing his thoughts, I find we aren’t alike at all, but we still understand each other on a level the others don’t. This advice he was sharing with Ryker came from being hyper-observant of his fellow teammates. A skill I envied, but I’d come to terms with my shortcomings a long time ago and found peace in my strengths.

“That…” Ryker started letting out a heavy sigh, “… is easier said than done, but I hear you, and I appreciate you calling me out on it. The last thing I want to do is make things worse between us. See you all in the morning with hopefully no other interruption.” With a wave of his hand, he flicked off the light and shut the bedroom door behind him, leaving us in the faintly lit room.

It shouldn’t have been that uncomfortable but knowing Luca was here had changed the dynamic of the situation. Getting out of the bed, I adjusted the blankets over Astin, tucking her in like my mother used to. The feel of the blankets encasing me on all sides made me feel safe from the darkness. Mother used to tell me a fable about blankets being impervious to monster attacks so being as bundled up as I could meant nothing could touch me as I slept. Of course, I knew this was all make-believe, but even as a child, I liked to fancy it could be true.

I pulled off my button-down and removed my belt so I was in my undershirt and slacks as I stretched out on top of the covers. Not the most comfortable thing to sleep in, but I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get my full eight hours regardless. Letting out a long steady breath, I closed my eyes and proceeded to recite the numeric value of pi.

Chapter 6 - Astin

The desperate need to pee was my first thought when I woke. Everything in me hated the idea of getting out of bed. I was warm, comfortable, and the pain in my leg was just a dull ache in the back of my mind. The steady rhythm of a heartbeat kept me in this state of lull between dreaming and waking. Shifting to see if I could beg my bladder to forget its pressing urgency, a hand resting on my stomach twitched and pulled me back against a body.

Two things simultaneously had me awake and alert—I was now going to pee my pants and a man was in my bed. When I tried to move my hand to see if I could get to my knife, I realized one was being held in another person’s hand between my chest and his. This brought about the information there wasn’t one but two men in my bed, and my other hand was grabbing that person’s ass.

Laying as still as I could, I tried to remember what happened last night. Had I been drinking? Did I go out? Fuck, how in the hell did I end up sleeping over or letting them stay? I was never the girl who stayed after sex was over. Nope, I played the man card, giving them a kiss on the cheek and telling them I’d call, only to never plan on calling them again.

Gathering up my lady balls, I cracked open an eye to find myself staring at a man’s chest—a naked man’s chest covered in black and gray tattoos. That single clue had the whole awful day replaying in my head, then me asking Atty to stay and watch something with me. How the hell had Luca ended up in my bed? I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered having a threesome with Atty and Luca—something told me it would be mind-blowing. Carefully, I twisted to see if I could figure out who was behind me. The blond hair told me it was Atty, but his face was buried in my neck, and he was the one pretending to be an anaconda wrapping himself around me.

Fuck, I really need to pee.

Removing my hand from Luca’s ass, I tried to see if putting some pressure on his hip would get him to roll over, but he didn’t budge. Letting out a frustrated growl, I tilted my head to find Luca watching me with humor dancing in his amber eyes.

“Good morning,” he said as if there was no reason he shouldn’t be in my bed right now.

“It will be once I get the chance to pee and figure out why the hell I’m in a lieutenant sandwich,” I muttered.

Luca let out a husky chuckle that did things to me I didn’t want to admit to.

“Wrap your arm around my neck,” he instructed.

“What?”

“You need to pee, right? So wrap your arm around my neck unless you want to piss the bed like a toddler?” Luca challenged.

Grumbling, I did as he instructed, and the next thing I knew, he scooped me up in a bridal hold and carried me to the bathroom. “Put me down. I’m perfectly capable of doing this on my own.” I hissed.

“I’m aware,” was his oh-so-eloquent answer.

“Then why are you practically setting me on the toilet?” I questioned as he set me down in front of the porcelain throne. All I’d need to do was turn around and sit without him letting go of my arms.

“You did too much standing and walking yesterday, and by the looks of it, you almost tore some stitches. So since you don’t have your wheelchair handy, you get carried,” Luca informed me as he stepped out of the space and shut the door.

Blowing a strand of hair out of my face, I got down to business. As much as I wanted to chew him out, I had urgent matters to attend to first. Sitting there, I realized I was still wearing my bra which accounted for the thing I felt stabbing me in the armpit now that my brain was fully awake. Pulling my arms into the nightshirt, I swiftly removed the bra and gave a sigh that every woman understands at the freeing moment.

Now that I was ready to get up, I used the handle that Ryker demanded be put in after I fell trying to get off the toilet. The last thing I ever wanted to experience again was a leg injury because it showed just how much you relied on them. Without your trusty legs to keep you upright, it forced you to rely on others, and that was one of the top five things I hated to do. Pulling myself up, I tested my balance then did the shimmy to get my fucking undies up while balancing on one leg. That, my friends, is a motherfucking skill right there.