Page 12 of Knot All Is Ruined: Part 1

“No,” I stated.

His gaze locked with mine, but I didn’t back down—I’d done nothing wrong. “I see. Finish your food and drink all the water. It helps with the hunger. Unfortunately, that’s a feeling you’ll have to get used to. Food is one thing we don’t have an abundance of.”

Nodding, I shoved another bite of the biscuit and egg sandwich into my mouth. It wasn’t a good biscuit either, it was grainy and hardly had any flavor. Thankfully, the salty eggs made up for what the biscuit lacked, making this meal worth eating. As much as I hated thinking about it, I knew Lucian was right, I’d have to adjust to the reality of living in a war-torn country. From my education at the Care Center, I knew part of the South’s plan was to weaken the North by starving them. While the North was experiencing the worst drought ever seen, the South was still getting rainfall regularly.

After I’d finished my food, Lucian returned with a bucket, a bar of soap, and a rag. It didn’t take much to put two and two together and assume he wanted me to bathe. What surprised me was when he dropped to his knees, tugged the chair away from the desk, and gingerly gripped my ankle where the cuff had been. The skin under it was raw, and now that I’d acknowledged its existence, it started to burn.

“This needs to be cleaned, and I’ll put some ointment on it. If there are any other scrapes, cuts, or abrasions, you need to tell me so I can keep an eye on them. There isn’t much in the way of medical help outside of the larger cities. We have field doctors, but it’s more the supplies we come up short on. Antibiotics are too valuable and only given out sparingly and when needed. I’ll ask the same of you if there is something I can’t attend to myself,” Lucian instructed as he got the rag when and wet down my leg before soaping it up.

“That’s the only thing to worry about,” I said, trying to pull my leg back. “I can wash myself.”

“No,” Lucian snapped, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You need to get comfortable with me touching you. I felt this was a neutral way for you to get used to my touch so not every experience you have with me is contingent on sex.”

I blinked at him in surprise. “Why?”

“While I agree that us forming any attachment to each other is not wise or what either of us wants…” Pausing, he looked up at me. “...I don’t really want you to be repulsed by me or my touch. I know what I look like, and I’ve seen that fear and disgust in too many females’ eyes that I don’t particularly relish the idea of you doing the same thing. I can take your hate and rage, I deserve that. It’s the fear I truly loathe to see.”

Utter shock at his words had me speechless. Not waiting for me to come up with something to say, he continued with his efforts to bathe me. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? One second he’s threatening me with a life worse than death if I don’t sleep with him, then he comes at me with shit like that. Yes, his face and body were scarred, but I didn’t think it made him terrifying. His presence did that more than anything. The way his gaze could make me shake with fear knowing he would absolutely do what he said or threatened to do, was far more fear-inducing than his features.

“Stand,” he ordered.

Rolling my eyes, I did as he demanded, trying to remind myself he was a military commander and used to giving orders. “Is it possible to get the occasional please?” I inquired, the bite in my words obvious.

Lucian hesitated at my request then gave a sharp nod of his head without any further acknowledgment. When he reached up and yanked the boxers off me, letting them fall to my ankles, I yelped and tried to pull away. My feet got caught in the fabric, and I started to tip backward, but a hand snaked around my wrist and pulled me forward instead. Collapsing against Lucian’s chest, I stayed there a moment with my heart in my throat, adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Once I regained my composure, I shoved off his chest and ended up on my knees in front of him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Did you expect me to bathe you with your clothes on?” he asked with a cocked brow. “I don’t think that’s how you wash, no matter where you’re from.”

I let out an incredulous huff of laughter as I tried to come up with some sort of comeback, but he had me there. “Yes, but typically when I wash I do it by myself, in a shower.”

“Hmm, see, we don’t have those. Not having enough water to go around, we use buckets and rags. Also, I believe I explained the purpose of doing this was so that you’d get used to me touching you. Fairly soon, you and I will be rather intimately entwined.” Lucian countered as he grabbed my hips and hoisted me back to my feet. The boxers were still hooked around one ankle, which he removed while keeping me steady. “Now, let’s try this again.”

To my mortification, he had me spread my legs apart so that he could make sure every inch of me was washed. The one thing I had to hand to him was the fact he kept it purely business. There weren’t lingering touches or sly tricks to get his fingers back in my pussy like he’d done last night.

“Arms up,” he directed. When I glowered at him, he let out a heavy sigh as he stood. “Danella, will you please put your arms up.”

While I didn’t appreciate the tone, I knew I couldn’t fight him when he’d done exactly what I’d asked. Lifting them, he made quick work of removing my shirt and I tried not to instantly cover myself. Having some clothing kept me from wanting to melt into a puddle of embarrassment now I was stripped bare to him. I felt his eyes roving over my body, yet his touch was still purposeful. He impressed me when he tied my hair up in a high pony to get it out of the way as he started on my back.

Even though I hated why this was happening and wasn’t all that thrilled about who was doing it, I had to admit that he’d had a point when he said doing this would get me used to his touch. When he got to my brand, he cleaned it well enough that it had me hissing in pain as the flesh was still tender and not all the scabs had fallen off it. The first few days they gave me an ointment to put on it but it burned like a bitch. Once he was finished, he spread a cooling cream over that spot and my ankle.

I knew the moment the mood in the room changed as he lifted his gaze to meet mine, setting aside the cream. This time when he brushed his hand up my leg, I could see the want in his eyes. “I promise to make sure you enjoy this, Danella, although the longer we wait the more time you have to destroy yourself further in struggling to make the choice. I will respect the requests you have made and I will give you one of my own. Please…don’t fight me.”

Chapter seven

The worry and fear in her bright green eyes had me gritting my teeth. I knew this was the right choice, and it would keep us both alive to see another day. The second I had the power to do something about how Omegas were treated in this world, I would. Until then, I needed to do what was best for my people as a whole, and staying alive to make those changes was my top priority. I raged at the fact that Father put me in this position and forced me to make myself even more of a monster than I already was.

Danella was vibrant, intelligent, and her sharp tongue was something that kept me on my toes. I never knew what was going to come out of her mouth. One moment I wanted to kiss the hell out of her, and the next I wanted to tape it closed so she couldn’t say the words I always thought in my head. She was gorgeous, and the sight of her body had my cock throbbing with need. However, as I told her, I wouldn’t do anything to make her look at me the way so many had before.

Oh, I’d earned myself some looks already when I pushed her or she fought back. The difference was the look of terror at my appearance or reputation had never been one of them. That alone would have had me on my knees begging her to let me show her my gratitude in a way only an Alpha could to an Omega. Now everything was fucked-up and twisted, leaving me once more to be the villain in this story.

“Danella,” I said, my hands gripping her lush thighs as I fought back the urge to bury my face in her pussy again. Feasting on it last night had me almost coming at the taste alone. She tasted as good as she smelled, which was decadent.

Her body trembled in my grip, but I could see the moment she came to her decision to let me have the gift of her body. “Okay,” she whispered, then tore her gaze away from mine to look anywhere but at me.

I would let her do whatever she needed to make herself feel more comfortable, but I hoped that I could get her lost in the passion of how this was supposed to be. Previous to Danella, there had been one other woman, a Beta that I’d met in training camp. We’d fallen into lust with each other and found any occasion to indulge in that until it came time for us to be sent out into the battlefield.

She’d been placed in a different unit than I was, and I didn’t hear from her after that. Soon after the first encounter with the Southern forces, I got a list of all those who’d fallen and her name was on there. It was a reality that everyone faced, and while I’d tried not to get too attached to her, being so young and inexperienced with matters of the heart, how could I not? This time would be different; I would do everything I could to protect Danella. It wasn’t her fault that her life had been tied to mine, but a cruel twist of fate that no one deserved.