Page 102 of We Are Just Us

He’d been bracing for impact for so long he’d forgotten how to exhale.

But right now, in this moment, everything he cared about was in one place.

Hank and Mabel curled up near the embers, finally together again. Rory beside him, warm and solid.

His whole world. Right here.

They watched until the shower began to thin.

“Thank you,” Kieran finally said. “For this. For knowing I’d want to see it.”

“You’ve got Orion on your arm, Kier,” Rory said simply. “Figured you should meet him properly.”

Kieran laughed, watery but real. He looked down at his inner elbow, at the three small dots he’d had tattooed there fifteen years ago.

“Have you ever been in love?” Rory asked. The question landed in the dark.

“I don’t know,” Kieran said. “Maybe…once?”

Rory didn’t push.

“His name was JB,” Kieran said. “John Brendan. I met him in New York when I was twenty-four. At a church social, of all places.”

“A church social?”

Kieran laughed. “I know. I’d gone with a coworker who was trying to set me up with her cousin. A woman. Very awkward.” He paused. “But JB was there. Catholic. Marine Corps Reserve. This total contradiction. Buttoned-up and proper, but with a secret underneath he was trying to hide.”

“Like you?”

“Yeah. Like me.”

Above them, a meteor streaked across the sky. Neither of them pointed it out.

“We never talked about what we were,” Kieran continued. “Never used words like boyfriend or gay or any of it. We existed together on weekends. Museums. Central Park. Takeout in his tiny apartment in Astoria.” His throat tightened. “I’d spend the whole week counting down until I could see him again. And then he’d pull back. Get scared. I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks. And then he’d show up again, and I’d let him back in. Every time.”

Rory exhaled slowly beside him. Not a sigh. The sound of someone absorbing the weight of it.

“I thought that was what love felt like,” Kieran said. “The waiting. The uncertainty. Never knowing where I stood.” He laughed, but it came out broken. “I didn’t know what it was supposed to be.”

“What happened?”

“My mom got sick again.” Kieran stared up at the stars, blinking hard. “So I moved back to California, and JB and I just ended. No conversation. No goodbye. I left, and we never spoke again.”

Rory was quiet for a minute. “Do you regret it?”

“Leaving? No. I wanted to be with her.” Kieran swallowed. “But I never told him how I felt. I don’t even know if it was love or just the first person who made me feel less alone.” He paused. “I’ve never said it to anyone. Not like that.”

He didn’t look at Rory when he said it. But he felt Rory shift closer, his shoulder pressing against Kieran’s.

Somewhere in the distance, a coyote called.

“Did Britt know?” Kieran asked. “About you?”

“She knew everything.” Rory’s voice warmed. “I told her early. Before we got serious. I didn’t want to hide any of it. And she didn’t care. She said she loved me, not my history.”

“She sounded incredible.”

“She was.”