Page 128 of Okay, Cupid

“Well … that didn’t work out very well for you, did it?”

He smiles, shaking his head.

“Can I have this dance, Huy Trinh?”

“Of course you can, Jude Ricci.”

Neve must realize what’s happening, because she turns up the volume on her radio before she and Alice step out of the car, taking each other’s hands. Huy’s hand tightens around mine, and he pulls me in close to him. For a moment, I think about kissing him. But I want this moment in front of me to last for as long as it can, until I’m tired and my body aches and my bones are brittle and I’m old. I want to be with him for as long as he’ll allow me to, because I don’t know how to be something he’s forgotten about; I don’t know how to be around anymore without Huy Trinh in my life.

I don’t want to forget him.

But I have to.

If only so that I can find him all over again.

I can’t stop the tears from spilling out, a sob escaping my lips as I turn away from him, and he smiles down at me.

“Look at me.” His hand cups my cheek, wiping away the tears. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just really happy right now,” I tell him.

“I’m happy too, Jude.” His hand finds my hair, and he pulls me close to his chest. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Except it isn’t. No matter what we do, it’ll never be okay.

But that has to be okay.

Even if I don’t want it to be.

“I’m glad that I met you,” I tell him.

“Me too.”

I finally dare to look at him again. Because this is it. The moment that I’ve wanted and dreaded all at the same time. I want this, and I want him to know just how much I love him, just how much he means to me. I have to stand on my tiptoes, my hands on his chest as the song continues from the speakers.

When my lips meet Huy’s, I hang on to him for every carefully precious second, because when this ends, he won’t know who I am. He’ll be so confused by this stranger in the middle of the street in front of his parents’ donut shop where they make square-shaped donuts, this stranger locking lips with him. And me … who knows what’ll happen to me. If I’ll have a few minutes to get on the bus or BART to get home before I wonder just what I’m doing. If I’ll be totally lost, unaware of just where to go.

It’s why I hang on to him for all that I have. Because our first kiss could very well be our last.

His lips are soft against mine, his hair soft in my hands. I want to giggle at the way he grips my hips and my butt, and just how protected I feel in his arms. But my mind can’t fathom any of that right now. Because this is it.

It is.

It’s done.

My fate is sealed, and by extension, so is his.

I made this choice for us. And maybe that’s unfair of me, to make this decision without consulting him, without knowing what he’d want. But the tragedy is that it doesn’t matter. One way or another, this decision would’ve been made for the both of us. At least this way, I can be the one.

His eyes open when we separate. And for a moment, I wait to see the unfamiliarity in his eyes, his confusion, wondering just why he’s dancing in a parking lot with a stranger.

“Jude?”

He says my name softly, and my heart breaks.

“Huy.”

“How was that?”