Page 119 of Okay, Cupid

“Is this seat taken?”

I look up to see Cal standing there.

“Go ahead.” I nod to the empty spot.

“Thanks.” As he pulls the stool, it scratches the floor, both of us wincing. “So … I hear that you’re moving?”

I nod again, licking my lips. “I told Leah the truth, and she thinks that it’s best to leave the city, get away from everything.”

“You told her?”

Isn’t that what I just said?

No. Stop. I’m not mad at him. I just hate how it feels like I don’t know how to talk to my best friend anymore.

“I didn’t really see an alternative,” I tell him. “She would’ve figured it out anyway.”

“Right, I guess so.”

That’s when the waitress comes over, and Cal orders a yuzu soda.

“Is there anything I can do?” he offers.

“I don’t see how there could be.”

“You’re right, sorry.”

“No, I …” I hesitate. “I’m sorry.” I put a hand to my forehead. “I’m just … I’m confused.”

“About Huy?”

“About all of it. About Huy, about you, about …” Being a Cupid.

I can’t verbalize that last part to him. Because I can’t stand the idea of another person telling me what they want me to do. Besides, I’m not thinking about that anymore. This is where I belong, even if it no longer feels like it.

“Jude.” Cal reaches across the table for my hands, but I pull away without even realizing it. “Right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No, I just … I’m sorry.” I put my hands back on the table.

“Why are you apologizing to me? I’m the one who kissed you after you had your heart broken.”

Something so tragic about the situation pulls a chuckle out of me. “I don’t really know.”

“I’m sorry I did that,” he says. “That I had to pick that night, that I did it at all without asking you first. Especially when you were feeling so vulnerable.”

“I don’t hate you, Cal. I just have to learn how to be around you again. I’m just not sure how that happens now.”

“That’s fair.” He blinks slowly. “I hope I can regain your trust.”

I give him a soft smile. “I didn’t realize that you felt that way about me.”

“Seriously? There were some days where I felt like I was being so obvious about it.”

“I guess the lines were blurred somewhere along the way. I’m sorry if I led you on.”

“You didn’t, I mean … I don’t know, I guess you did, but I don’t want to blame you. They’re my feelings, and it was my responsibility to control them.”

“No, I know, but … I guess I mean I can understand how you were feeling.”